Does your toddler have meltdowns like this?

[daimbar]

My 2.5 year old DD has at least one meltdown like this a day (usually 2 or 3) and I thought it was fairly standard until I had to take her home in a taxi yesterday and the taxi driver said he had four children and he’d never seen anything like it.
⁃ comes out of nowhere over nothing (or something trivial like she has put her shoes on the wrong feet.
⁃ Starts with screaming, shouting and throwing herself on the floor (often banging her head quite hard)
⁃ Screams intensely if I go near her or touch her. Claws at my face, tries to scratch my eyes
⁃ She has wild, unfocused eyes - similar to when she had night terrors when she was younger.
⁃ Thrashes about, kicks, screams for approx 20-30 minutes. Any attempt to touch or speak to her just prolongs it
⁃ Once she has ‘come around’ she’s quite meek and often wants to cuddle

Does this sound normal? Or should I worry? She sleeps and eats well so I don’t think it’s down to being hungry or tired.

I always did. But then I discovered letting him sleep in the buggy for 2 hours after preschool.

My DS1 used to throw tantrums like you describe at that age OP, it was exhausting & there was no getting through to him while he was in the throes of one. He'd outgrown them by the age of three, thank goodness.

And I'm pleased to say that he turned out to be a very easy teenager.

That was to ArgyMargy 😂

Ignore it

I just actually lol'ed.

I feel your pain, op. My toddler throws truly epic temper tantrums.

Hehehe, ignore it! I love that advice! So when your 3 year old wants to fly from the top of the stairs to the bottom, sit on the cat, go fishing in the fish tank etc and the tantrum ensues as a result of saying no, you just ignore it and let them get in with the life threatening, dangerous or just plain inappropriate behaviour?

I'd leave the baths on nursery days. My DS is almost 4, does 3 full days at nursery (7.30 to 4.30) and refuses most of the food they offer to him. He is exhaused on those nights. Normal bedtime has always been 7, but recently Ive brought it forward to 6 twice a week and he's and snoring by 6.10! It's quick freezer dinners those every nights. I actively encourage a nice long nap on non nursery days (long drive round the bendy country lanes) as much for his benefit as my own sanity!!

His behaviour when he is tired can be off the scale, normally a sweet little boy but when tired 😱😱😱😱😱 Sleep is the answer to most of his meltdowns, we go for a drive when it's really bad and he'll be asleep within minutes but would refuse to nap at home/nursery.

Heh heh heh, anyone who "wouldn't allow it" hasn't met my toddler. That's like taking an umbrella out in a hurricane and saying you won't get wet!

I've got 2 toddlers (20 months and just turned 3) and they are just totally different temperaments. The older one loves a good tantrum, can not be distracted / talked round and as previously posted it just isn't practical or safe to always just ignore it. The younger is just easier going, she does have the odd paddy but I'm usually able to distract her out of it. The younger spoke very early, speaks in full sentences now and is very able to get her point across whereas the older one took much longer to talk and I'm sure her temper was often down to frustration at not being able to get herself understood.
On the other hand the little, easy going one hasn't slept the whole night through ever whereas the older slept through reliably from 10 weeks so they both have their plus points!!

Sounds like my DS. He had wild, uncontrollable tantrums that just came out of nowhere. Everyone used to say ignore him, but that made it worse as he'd up the ante to get a reaction (hitting himself, throwing things at the tv/cooker etc, biting his own hands) so I'd have to sit with him and just keep a really calm, quiet voice to try and bring him down. It was awful and I honestly thought that there was a serious problem.

Gradually they petered out and it's been about 2 months now since he's had one. He'll be 3 next week if that gives you any hope!

I have 2 DDs and lots of friends with children and my eldest DD is the only one I've ever known who was exactly as you describe and it always came from nowhere. She always looked terrified during the whole process, but incapable of stopping iyswim.

argy your post is dead helpful, well done.

With mine, if I tried to interact it would make it worse, but she would sometimes hurt herself in the process so I couldn't walk away. So I would sit silently in the corner of the room and wait. Eventually she would gradually start to calm down and would edge closer to me. If I touched her in any way during this phase it would all kick off again. So I'd wait. Eventually she would crawl onto my lap and sob quietly. I would say nothing but just cuddle her. Once she was completely calm, then we'd talk about it and how it wasn't ok to be like that and that using words was better.

The meltdowns became less frequent over time and she doesn't have them at all now. She was a high needs baby and a horrific toddler to raise, but is now a really delightful, kind and polite little girl. I honestly believe her brain just needed to develop.

I'd say if she doesn't show signs of growing out of them, go to your GP. It could be a sign of something, but I really think some two year olds just really struggle with emotions.

Meltdowns are going to happen from time to time. With my DC, it seems to help if I say things like “you’re having a tantrum at the moment, you’ll feel better soon” - acknowledging the intensity of the emotion can really help! The poor little things.

Thanks for all the advice - some great tips on here. After the taxi incident yesterday I vowed never to take her out again.
fucksakefay how is your toddler now?! The firm knee to get her in the buggy and being hit in the face are both v familiar and she is big for her age so it won’t be long before I can’t restrain her.

I forgot to mention dd is a stickler for routine and doesn’t like new experiences. I took her to stay with my parents recently and she had epic meltdowns. I am one of five kids and my mum said we never behaved like that (but my mum has dementia so she has probably forgotten).

I think it definitely depends on personality/temperament - my 3 year old DS was never one for tantrums but his 2 year old brother definitely is! At first I tried picking him up and cuddling him but it didn't seem to help so now I just sit near him and talk to him quietly until he calms down (unless we are out somewhere in which case I carry him over my shoulder! ) I'm finding it really hard going having had a child who is mega laid back.

DD 2.5 is has fairly epic meltdowns. Today it was over a jumper... screaming, carrying on and she also likes to stop breathing and turns purple... I just have to leave her to it as trying to intervene just prolongs it. DH and My DDad try to get her to stop but she just won’t have it. I swear she’s shouted at me constantly since the moment she came out the womb 😩

My 2.5 year old boy is has daily tantrums on this scale so you are not alone. It’s quite normal. I have 3 children and the terrible twos has defiantly reared it’s ugly head out in my youngest the worst. I hate it, it’s mentally draining but I no one day there will be light at the end of this long long tunnel.

I swear she’s shouted at me constantly since the moment she came out the womb

Mine too! Sometimes I can laugh about it but other times it makes me feel like I'm a terrible mother and can't do anything right.

My third DS had epic tamtrums, beyond those of the first two. I found a book (which I will try and remember the name of) but it suggested you sit next to the tantruming toddler and in words on one syllable you describe how they are feeling for them. “You are cross, cross, cross”. The theory is that they get overwhelemed with not being able to communicate how they are feeling and the emotion just takes over. If you can describe it for them over and over again, they eventually hear it and calm down as they feel ‘validated’ hate that word but I cant think of a better one.
“You want marshmallow now, in hand, marshmallow now” etc. You use a very matter of fact tone, but are forceful although quiet with your speech. I found it did help and I was amazed at the reduction in time of the tantrumming. You do feel a little silly crouched next to a screaming child talking like that, but its better than the 45 min of screaming alternative. My DC tantrums reduced as his speech got better and he was able to tell me he was cross etc himself and be understood.

Nephew was like this. His longest tantrum went on for 7 hours.
Stopped tantrumming when he was about 10!!

I found the book. Its the Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp

Definitely worth a read (its on amazon)

Somewhat highly strung personality plus overtired or ill = mega tantrum IMO

Sounds like my daily life with a highly strung one year old

My now 4yo dd had extreme meltdowns like this. At 18m they were daily and at least 30m, often 45m. I went to the hv in desperation and they said someone would call me. No one called me...
anyway the second one is also a holy terror but I can't say she's having the same meltdowns... she is v tantrummy but ignoring and distraction etc sometimes works whereas it never did for the eldest.
The only difference I can spot is the older dd had glue ear and my aunt (a paediatrician) suggested the glue ear was making her exhausted and stressed, hence meltdowns.... worth checking? And hang in there, it does get better (and there are plenty of us who know that for some kids no amount of "I wouldn't stand for that" is remotely useful)