my neighbour leaves her kids on their own

[cheeryface]

they are 12, 8 and 5. i'm not sure for how long, might be an hour or so

i don't think it's o.k though

do you?

I'm going to make myself unpopular with this opinion. I too babysat as a young teen. I also had a heightened sense of responsibility. BUT I would never leave a child of my own with anyone other than an adult. My children are irreplaceable - I can envisage dozens of situations where a responsible teenager would be completely out of his/her depth when dealing with very young children - particularly in an emergency. Especially if they are stroppy younger siblings. And yes, the odds of an emergency occurring (eg a house fire/choking) may be long, but I'd never forgive myself if something happened.

Would you leave a sensible just-8 yr old who was off school ill (but not really ill IYSWIM and not vomiting) for 15 mins while you walked your younger ones to school? I have done this but felt a bit unsure?

Prof - No, I wouldn't, but that's just my opinion. As springadora says, your children are irreplaceable.

Phew I'm not alone. No Prof, sorry but I wouldn't. Have been in that situation and my son would be horrified if I left him on his own (he is 8, nearly 9, very capable and sensible), but he would consider me irresponsible (as would I of myself). He would rather I dragged him out ill or asked a friend to take the smaller ones to school. If he was so ill he couldn't be taken out and no-one could take younger child to school, then we'd all stay home. I may be an over-protective mother but I'm within my own comfort zone and for each of us there are different tolerances. I may well do things that you might consider unacceptable - who knows? At bottom, we just have to follow our own best judgement. If you think your child is safe then your decision is sound.

Well said.

Don't have children yet so don't know how I will feel when it comes to my own, but the minute I turned 13 I was babysitting for my bratty younger bro' and sis all the time. By the time I was 15 I would sometimes look after them overnight (mum worked shifts) and send them off to school. Mum was a single parent so didn't have a lot of choice.

Depends on the children really. my bro and sis were terribly behaved but when my 11 year old bro poured boiling water from the kettle over his arm I got him straight into the bath running cold water into it and the doctors said if it wasn't for my quick and sensible reaction he could have been scarred for life.

OMG when I saw this thread title I thought it might be about me!

Here's the story: every afternoon I have to fetch DD1 (13) from secondary school, a 45 minute round trip. Fantastic school and perfect for DD1, but no buses as we are outside catchment. I meet DD2 (9) and DS (6) from their bus which stops at the end of our driveway and used to take them with me, along with DD3 (4). Some time ago DD2 asked if she could stay at home and watch TV while I did the school run. DD2 is extremely sensible and quite mature for her age, so it seemed like a reasonable request. However, this then created (or - to be more exact - worsened) problems with DS who HATES doing this journey every day with a passion. Every afternoon there would be the same argument and tears all the way, picking fights in the back seat with DD3 and sometimes ending up with me having to pull over and get out of the car. In the end I said DS could stay at home with DD2. DD3, incidentally, is quite happy to sit in the back seat munching breadsticks and watching a personal DVD player!!! In any case I know that I could not leave DD2 in charge of both younger siblings. The transformation has been immense. DS and DD2 go inside, get changed and watch TV or play video games until we get back. Even though we live in a rural area with a low crime rate, they know that they are not allowed to answer the door or go outside until we get back. They both know how to get out of the house in an emergency. If the phone rings and it's someone they don't know, Mummy is "in the bath". Neighbours are within easy reach. I have my mobile switched on constantly, and as soon as I pick up DD1 she phones home to check everything is OK and chats to DD2 for a while.

I have looked at every other way around this, neighbours occasionally help out but I don't feel I can ask anyone to step in on a regular basis as most have their own children to deal with. I have investigated lift shares for DD1 but nobody else around here goes to her school. So I made a reasoned decision based on knowledge of my own kids and how they behave, which is all anyone can do in any situation, really. There are some 12-year olds who could not be left to their own devices! My own risk assessment tells me that DD2 and DS are fine alone in the house together for short periods of time provided I can be contacted. My neighbours know the score.

I know this posting is likely to stir up a hornet's nest, but it's easy to say you would never leave your kids when you are never in a situation when you have to! In this instance the situation has arisen because I'm trying to to the best thing by DD1, and not for any other reason.

What I'm now worried about is - will someone shop me?

I know these are different times and all, but I was babysitting a newborn and 2 year old when I was 13 and staying at night (until after midnight) with 3 younger siblings since I was 11. I think a responsible 12 year old can manage it and would feel good about the trust you have in her/him.

My thoughts entirely. There is a world of difference between leaving young kids until after midnight while you go out clubbing, and leaving a duo who get on well and who you can trust to sit and watch TV for a short time while you do something for one of your other children. Unfortunately I don't think the SS see it that way...being a law-abiding, middle-class citizen I'm an easy target and they would probably throw the book at me if they found out. (Remember the post-box incident referred to earlier in this thread?)

I babysat at 13 for a 4 yo. And my younger siblings, but I do think 13 is the legal age.

Most people around here seem to think the legal age for babysitting is 14. My own 13 year old is known to have plenty of experience with younger ones so hopes to be able to turn this to her advantage soon!

There isn't a specified legal age.

Too right, Pointydog. If there were, where would that leave the thousands of young carers who are left to look after siblings, disabled parents etc. with the minimum of support from social services? If you are too young to stay in a house alone, then surely it follows that you are also too young to take on this kind of responsibility? There are many organizations that exist to help these wonderful young people - but the fact remains that they should not be left in this position in the first place. They need full-time help. After all, employing a ten-year-old (or younger) to work in a care home or as a home help would be unthinkable. Slightly off-the-point rant, sorry, but it's just to illustrate the sometimes conflicting values in the "how old should they be" debate.