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Parenting

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Original poster

my neighbour leaves her kids on their own

89 replies

cheeryface · 14/04/2007 18:19

they are 12, 8 and 5. i'm not sure for how long, might be an hour or so

i don't think it's o.k though

do you?

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Quootiepie · 14/04/2007 18:20

At 12 I think it's ok, and I guess they look after the other 2. Hard to say, I remember being left WAY before 12, and at 12 I was more than capable of looking after others, but, thats seeing it from the other side though

lou33 · 14/04/2007 18:22

i dont have a problem with it for that amount of time

LittleSarah · 14/04/2007 18:25

Yeah I think it is fine. Presumably the 12 year old is looking after the others. I looked after my brother and sisters at a similar age, I would have been about 12, my sister 9 and my twin brother and sister would have been 5.

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juuule · 14/04/2007 18:42

I think that's okay for that length of time.

lostinfrance · 14/04/2007 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 14/04/2007 18:43

It's probably illegal but i personally don't think there is anything bad about it as long as the 12 year old is clearly in control.

donnie · 14/04/2007 18:45

I was babysitting my neighbour's 2 kids at the age of 12!! that would probably be illegal now, would it?

For an hour or so here and there it is ok surely?

Freckle · 14/04/2007 18:49

This seems to come up quite frequently. There is no legal age at which children can be left alone. It's all to do with risk. So, if something happened to, say, the 5 yo, whilst left in the care of the 12yo, the mother would probably be held negligent. If nothing happens, then all is well.

My concern about leaving children is not necessarily what would happen to them in that hour or so, but if something happened to me whilst out, that hour could become considerably more and the risk increases.

I very occasionally leave my 8 (nearly 9) yo in the care of his 13 yo brother, but mainly I insist he comes with me. I have only just started leaving my 11 yo home alone and that is only because he will be starting secondary school in September so there will be times he gets home before me and he needs to get used to being responsible.

fizzylemonade · 14/04/2007 21:32

I look back at my childhood in horror. I was a latch key kid at 8 1/4 looking after my 6 year old sister until my much older sister then 11 came home from school.

My duties included making my own lunch, learning to tie my waist length hair into a pony tail with the help of little sister stood on a chair behind me in the mornings. Bring in the milk, turn the fire off and make sure the front door was locked.

My Mum worked and my Dad worked away. I am planning to be a SAHM until both my sons are in secondary school My DH's Mum did the same.

mysonsmummy · 14/04/2007 21:45

i am sure the mother is certain they are completely capable of being left on their own. who is anyone else to judge or comment.

lady007pink · 14/04/2007 22:34

Gosh, I was minding my brothers from when I was 9. I even babysat at night. Mum figured it was okay because our 15 year old babysitter used to sit on her fat arse while I put the boys to bed and checked on them frequently!
If that 12 year old is as responsible as I was, then I think it's absolutely acceptable to leave them for the hour.

Original poster

cheeryface · 14/04/2007 22:38

i suppose i was comapring with my boys. i would leave ds1 alone (11) he is very sensible but i would no way leave him with his brother (8) as they fight and ds2 does not listen to ds1 etc

OP posts:

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 14/04/2007 22:57

Cheeryface,

Thinking back to my child care training I believe that the law states that an 11 year old may look after themselves for small time period but not over night. However they may not look after others.

I believe you have to be 13 years old before you can legally look after/ be responsable to young children and that's only small time periods.

Social Services may deem your neighbour is neglecting her children.

Madness I don't think all 13yrs are responsible neither to look after younger children yet some 12yrs our so I think Social services would look at all details.

Years ago my mil used to leave dh and sil in bed sleeping to drive and collect fil from the train station used to take her 1.5hrs. Now I feel guilty if I leave dc in the car asleep to run into the shop and I keep them in sight

BarefootDancer · 14/04/2007 22:59

Guess it depends on the 12 y old. They may well be v responsible. I wouldn't worry unless you have some other reason to be concerned.

Original poster

cheeryface · 14/04/2007 23:09

well, since the weather has been nice they have been playing outside mostly ( the neighbours kids)

dh heard the 12 year old ask the 8 year old to go in the house if he heard the 5 year old crying because she had to go get her
somthing for her dinner from the shop.

OP posts:

Freckle · 14/04/2007 23:26

There is no law which governs this issue. There may be guidance but that's it. And I think that's absolutely right. If the law said that it was Ok to leave, say, a 10 yo alone, a lot of parents would do this whether the child was responsible/capable of being left or not. Not having any legal age means parents have to consider the capabilities/maturity of each child before reaching the decision that they can be left or they, the parents, will be held responsible for anything untoward which might happen.

Given what you have said, your neighbour may well be held negligent if she leaves the younger two with their eldest sibling and that sibling then leaves them alone for any time at all.

brimfull · 14/04/2007 23:33

perfectly fine imo for that length of time.Although I wouldn't expect a 12 yr old to go out and get food for the siblings.

You really can't judge these things until you have a child of that age imo.

PenelopePitstops · 14/04/2007 23:38

so.......yes something may happen to the mum but for an hour the three of them cant do much damage. the mother trusts the 12year old and she may have to go out and leave they children for whatever reason.

Freckle · 15/04/2007 01:58

Actually 3 children left alone for 5 minutes can do an awful lot of damage should they choose to.

It really does come down to the maturity/responsibility of the 12 yo - and if that 12 yo isn't there .......

WideWebWitch · 15/04/2007 04:43

Yes I do think it's ok

Twinmummyx2 · 15/04/2007 07:39

It does and should depend on the maturity of the oldest child...

i do leave a couple of mine in the house if i go and do a big food shop during school hols....i can't fit them all into my car!

I have a 14 year that i sometimes leave with my 8 year old....as they get on the best.
The rules are making no food (hot water/knives/choking) no answering the door...sitting on bottoms watching telly.

I do totally trust my 14 year old she is very sensible amd mature for her age....but i don't like being too long as i would rather my 8 year old be in my care unless absolutely necessary.

So from my experience i would say a 12 year old is ok for a short time to look after the others...

...just out of sheer nosiness though...where is it that she goes???

PregnantGrrrl · 15/04/2007 11:59

depending on the maturity of the eldest child, sounds fine to me. not as if she's out all night

KerryMum · 15/04/2007 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Londonmamma · 15/04/2007 12:33

So many of us were left unsupervised and/or in charge of younger sibs yet feel really uneasy about it with our own kids because of changing beliefs about risk and safety.

I suspect you've asked this question because you DON'T feel that in this particular family the children are mature/responsible enough to be left. It IS bad to leave and 8 and 5 year old if the 12 year old does go out - I'd be very worried about that.

fortyplus · 15/04/2007 12:36

I think it's ok, but she would be investigated by Social services if they became aware - it's automatic to investigate any child under the age of 11 left without adult supervision - even for 5 minutes.

Nanny State gone mad if you ask me - especially as the 12 year old would probably be able to call her mobile if concerned about anything.

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