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Parenting

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Original poster

my neighbour leaves her kids on their own

89 replies

cheeryface · 14/04/2007 18:19

they are 12, 8 and 5. i'm not sure for how long, might be an hour or so

i don't think it's o.k though

do you?

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gtimama · 21/04/2007 13:49

My eldest (14) was able to do a babysitting course. I think 14 is the age that it is widely considered OK to leave them in charge of other children.

I have to. I am a single parent of a 14 yr old and twin 8 yr olds. During the easter holiday my 14 yr old had to look after them for me whilst I was at work. Mon & Tue I work 1 1/2 hours and Wed/Thur/Fri I work 3 hours.

My other alternative childcare is my 83 yr old mother! Swings and roundabouts really. Sometimes needs must.

gtimama · 21/04/2007 13:52

That should have been 3 1/2 hours MON/TUE

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 13:55

I know what my 4 yo would get up to given half the chance. My 8 year old won't even be upstarirs or downstairs on his own. I know exactly what I got up to when I was 12!!! And there's no way I could have been left responsible for younger children at that age.

They decide to make toast, quite innocent. The smoke alarm goes off. The 5 yo is terrified.

A fight between the 5 and 8 year old.

A nose bleed.

A drunk neighbour who confuses yur house four his and tries to let himself in and becomes abusive when they key doesnt work.

These are all things that have happened around here during the day lately.

As an I've dealt with them, but wouldn't expect a 12yo to.

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Judy1234 · 21/04/2007 14:58

That's absolutely fine. The 12 year old may be very sensible. An hour is fine. All day during 6 weeks of school holidays would be another matter. Some people can bear children at 12. In many countries on the continent this is normal. I have left children alone for that time at that age.

fortyplus · 21/04/2007 18:37

My parents thought that I was very responsible (I was most of the time).

When I was 13 and my brother was 10, we set light to a jam jar full of petrol in the back garden

elasticbandstand · 21/04/2007 18:42

bet that was fun 40
my dh set light to a field!

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 18:44

IMO, it is not fine, at all.

MarsLady · 21/04/2007 18:56

But chocolateface if it's not fine for you then you don't have to do it (not meaning to be rude.. I promise).

My 14yo DS babysits for me regularly. The younger ones are 12, 8 and 3yo twins.

Before DS was old enough my paid babysitters ranged from 14-20.

I think it's okay. It's short periods of time. The wee beasts (eg my DTs) manage to amaze me with the depths of their naughtiness whilst I'm in the loo. I remain amazed at the way they do whatever DS1 says. So amazed in fact that I'm ready to hand over their rearing to him lol!

In short cf.... if it doesn't work for you then fine and if it works for someone else then fine.

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 19:01

I am judjing everyone elses children by my own.

MarsLady · 21/04/2007 19:08

I know sweetie, we all do!

hercules1 · 21/04/2007 19:25

Seems fine to me. I often leave my 11 year old looking after my 3 year old whilst walking the dogs. Dh is asleep in bed though. HAve left the two on their own for teh occasional 20 minutes.

SSShakeTheChi · 21/04/2007 19:33

Think it's fine really.

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 20:31

It's funny how we all have different standards. Everyone else seemed to think Alex Bauldwin was so out of order for shouting at his daughter, but that it's OK to leave children. They really should guve you a manual when you give birth

Judy1234 · 21/04/2007 21:40

Being alone if you're 12 and sensible is a good life skill. People molly coddle their children too much so they never learn about risk and management of risk. Shouting at them is something else again.

LittleSarah · 22/04/2007 11:45

Lol. I think chocolateface is going to have some difficulty cutting those apron strings when the time comes, but I'm sure she'll have plenty of cotton wool to cry into.

ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT.

Stop judging others by your own children, in fact how about just stopping judging others full stop?

TheWoman · 22/04/2007 11:52

"It's funny how we all have different standards".
Indeed.
How some of us encourage independence in our children, and feel it appropriate to give them some measured responsibility when we feel they deserve it.
This thread is about a 12 year old looking after their two school-age siblings for an hour, not a mother buggering off to Tenerife for a fortnight leaving her children with a fiver and a tin of beans!

fortyplus · 22/04/2007 11:55

elasticbandstand - it was quite interesting... the flames leaped up out of the top of the jar... for about 2 seconds until the jar smashed from the heat and we had a blazing pool of petrol all over my dad's prized lawn!

Big charred patch when the flames died down...

...we scuffed and kicked it to make a bare patch and said that my brother had been practising penalty kicks with me in goal

My parents didn't suspect a thing until we had a 'confession session' when we were about 30 and told them all the naughty things we'd got away with as children! They were horrified.

elasticbandstand · 23/04/2007 06:25

MummyPenguin · 23/04/2007 10:38

I wouldn't worry too much about leaving an 11/12 yo for an hour. My DD is 11 and very sensible, so I wouldn't worry too much about her. However, I wouldn't leave her in charge of 2 younger ones, I don't think it's fair on the eldest child. My two boys fight and argue a lot, and I would worry how she would deal with that. My youngest is a very 'young' 7, so I definately wouldn't leave him with her.

3catstoo · 23/04/2007 10:40

I thought the age for being left was 14, same age as being able to babysit.

I have friends who leave their 10 yr olds in charge of their younger ones for about an hour.
Personally I don't agree but mine are still too young to really think about it.
It must also depend on the child. I'm sure some 12 yr olds are much more mature than others.

If someone reported your neighbour though, she would be in trouble. That did happen to my auntie. She left her 11 and 9 yr olds home alone for over an hour on a regular basis. She did get into trouble.

Is it worth it?

MummyPenguin · 23/04/2007 10:40

Like others have said, I used to babysit a young baby when I was 9. Sometimes until fairly late at night... It was in a flat a couple of doors away from us, but still, I'm surprised my Mum let me do that, I certainly wouldn't. I wouldn't want any comebacks on my child if anything were to happen. I wouldn't let DD (11) babysit now, it's too much responsibility.

3catstoo · 23/04/2007 10:45

I'm with you chocolateface!

I was an only child and I couldn't have been trusted to stay home alone at 12 . (not sure if I would have been ready at 14 either, but that's another matter!)

MadamePlatypus · 23/04/2007 11:11

I think you have to take other issues into account like how responsible the child is, and what kind of back up there would be in an emergency. I was left at home from about age 9, but was quite a responsible child and lived in a street where I knew many of the neighbours. No younger siblings so that wasn't an issue Similarly, I started babysitting for children in the street at about age 13 (children would have ranged in age from about 3-6), but had anything happened all I would have had to do would be run back across the road to my mum, or nextdoor to the neighbours most of whom I knew well.

Meanwhile, on wet play days at primary school (in 1982), the 11 year olds would be left in charge of the 8-10 year olds in the classroom while the teachers had their lunch break.

beegee · 23/04/2007 22:29

I used to be left aged 5 when my mum used to pick up my brother from school. I begged her apparently because pick up time was when my favourite childrens programme was on.

She told me I had to sit on the couch and not get up for ANYTHING.

I loved it. Good ole 70's.

swedishmum · 23/04/2007 23:15

I leave my children occasionally - they are 13, 11, 10 and 3 though I tend to take the 3 year old with me. I don't think it's a problem at all but that is down to my own children and the area we live in. I don't let any of them ride their bikes on the public roads here as it's too dangerous by the way - the double-edged sword of country living

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