"Just find other moms to make friends with !" As a response to the crushing isolation. Oh wow, that easy eh, problem solved! Or "get out for a walk everyday, take him to the park or something!" Oh yeah, that'll cure my post partum depression and loneliness.
My friend advising me to just put him in a crib and let him cry himself to sleep w a paci when I go back to work..oh fuck off, like you did that with your own kid
All the advice of never letting them watch tv or have screen time, you should be reading them Shakespeare and letting them listen to Mozart while speaking to them in French and Italian..usually spouted by first time parents who are still pregnant.i need to wash my hair, bob the fucking builder is not going to scar them for life in 30 minutes.
"When I was a kid , I went outside all day and played with other kids til the sun went down". Well that's nice, so did I, but there are no neighborhood kids wandering about anymore , it requires painful "play date" plans
"I was hit and I turned out fine, it taught me respect" actually no Larry, you're a bit of an asswipe , but whatever you say! It obviously taught you respect if you think it's ok to put your hands on a child. This one gives me absolute rage
And all the bullshit about my baby getting "spoiled" and by being held, yes he's obviously a manipulative mastermind at 8 months 
"You need to take time for yourself/time together as a couple " yes , I know, but unless you're offering free babysitting go away.
The humble-brags and one upmanship-"just wait til they're teenagers!" Or "be grateful, mine did xyz"