AIBU to have got out of bed, got dressed and just left the house with no explanation?

[luckymomma]

DH is an absolute tool sometimes, lazy and inconsiderate. He regularly pisses me off with his inability to clean up after himself and general selfish behaviour but this eve took the biscuit. Both been at work today, after work he played badminton with some friends and came home around 8. We have 3 DC. I finished work and did the usual collecting DCs, cooking, cleaning etc. (Don't want a medal, just saying).

I was in bedroom with DD (3) and baby, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to put them both to sleep. 3yr old wouldn't settle and twice asked to poo whilst in bed. Each time DD got up for poo I called DH to help her in bathroom to avoid me getting up and disturbing baby who was only half asleep. After second attempt at poo, DH sends DD back in saying she won't poo. Fair enough. It annoys me that he doesn't have the patience to sit with her for more than two minutes to see if she'll actually poo but can't force her, I get it.

Anyway, I ask DH if he wants to swap with me and try to put DD down. (He's just sat on sofa watching tv). He says no. So I ask again, "Please can we swap for a bit, I'm knackered and DD won't sleep." He says no and walks off downstairs!! So I got up, got dressed, left baby in her cot (baby needs nothing but sleep!), sent DD into living room as I walk out the house without saying a word.

Currently sat in Tesco car park with two newly purchased magazines and a bag of goodies, determined not to return home until I'm sure the little ones are fast asleep. AIBU?

Good for you. Suggest you make a plan for him to have them for the afternoon tomorrow if possible and take a stroll in the sunshine in the park.

Go for it luckymomma! I hope it works out. It might be exactly the education your OH needs, and even if it doesn't save his relationship with you it can only be good for his relationship with his children.

It's depressing how frequently stereotypes about gender roles seem to reemerge as soon as babies come along

This popped up in my newsfeed- hope things have improved a bit and you've managed to get a break

Haven't managed a break yet. And we had a huge row this evening. I actually feel on the verge of passing out/giving up/disappearing. I just feel so flat. But things will get better I'm sure

Oh lucky that sounds awful. Have you got a close friend or family member you can tell? I wish I ha: told people sooner how hard things had got.
Is counselling worth a try?

Sorry OP :( It's quite common that this kind of thing happens - that you're great pre DC but then it becomes strained post DC because blokes have all of these expectations that they don't even KNOW that they have that they are really genuinely unaware they are so uneven. It's got to be difficult to really critically examine those and sadly I think many of them find that the effort of doing so is just too high a cost and that the relationship isn't actually worth it for them.

I hope that's not your situation, I really do, it would be such a shame. Perhaps you can still get through to him but I do think it's a realisation he needs to make for himself.

I do think if you can get in a bit of time where he's basically forced into your role, that's the best way of him "getting it". But really, it sounds like you're telling him you're in crisis and he's going "I Am Sorry I Will Do Better" like he's learned it off a script, like those are magic words that get him off the hook, but he's not actually thinking about what they mean and WHAT he's going to do better!

He should be asking "What can I do to support you?" or even better, coming up with suggestions based on what you've said. IASIWDB was always my ex's claim too. Your DH (thankfully) doesn't sound as nobbish as my ex but I do wish I'd realised much much earlier that "I will do better" is a lame, empty claim which doesn't actually mean anything or show any kind of understanding, it's more of a platitude that people say when they (either) don't know WTF they are supposed to be doing differently and are bullshitting hoping that you won't do anything serious if they look sorry enough, or it's something they say when they think you're being ridiculous and probably overtired and if they just ssssh and say calming things hopefully you'll forget about it soon.

Two evenings a week sound good and I'd try the occasional full day or even a weekend too.

It is definitely important to alk about things when you are not emotional and tired. Relate counselling for couples sounds a good idea.

Hope things get better OP and I think it was good for you to get out of the house.very difficult with 3 young dc, been there.