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Original poster

AIBU to have got out of bed, got dressed and just left the house with no explanation?

83 replies

luckymomma · 14/08/2017 23:35

DH is an absolute tool sometimes, lazy and inconsiderate. He regularly pisses me off with his inability to clean up after himself and general selfish behaviour but this eve took the biscuit. Both been at work today, after work he played badminton with some friends and came home around 8. We have 3 DC. I finished work and did the usual collecting DCs, cooking, cleaning etc. (Don't want a medal, just saying).

I was in bedroom with DD (3) and baby, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to put them both to sleep. 3yr old wouldn't settle and twice asked to poo whilst in bed. Each time DD got up for poo I called DH to help her in bathroom to avoid me getting up and disturbing baby who was only half asleep. After second attempt at poo, DH sends DD back in saying she won't poo. Fair enough. It annoys me that he doesn't have the patience to sit with her for more than two minutes to see if she'll actually poo but can't force her, I get it.

Anyway, I ask DH if he wants to swap with me and try to put DD down. (He's just sat on sofa watching tv). He says no. So I ask again, "Please can we swap for a bit, I'm knackered and DD won't sleep." He says no and walks off downstairs!! So I got up, got dressed, left baby in her cot (baby needs nothing but sleep!), sent DD into living room as I walk out the house without saying a word.

Currently sat in Tesco car park with two newly purchased magazines and a bag of goodies, determined not to return home until I'm sure the little ones are fast asleep. AIBU?

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NeverTwerkNaked · 15/08/2017 00:00

And if the 3 year old is upset that's her dad we should be mad at, for pushing her mum to this place

Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:03

I told DD mummy was going to the shop, it's not unusual for me to pop out to the shops. She seemed happy to be out of bed tbh and one (very) late night won't hurt! She slept for 2.5 hrs at nursery today which is just disastrous but that's another story. We were at my grandmas later than planned this evening. But no nursery or work tmr so no real pressure. Oh and DH definitely knows I'm not there, saw me walk past and there's only the front door in the direction I went!

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Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:05

Cherrytart6 They'd find me in the loo, I needed to leaveGrin

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LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/08/2017 00:06

Both parents behaving like adults would be better
Well I agree with you there but sounds like the op has been pushed too far.
Did you say anything at all before you left op? Like mummy is going to the shop or something?

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2017 00:06

"And if the 3 year old is upset that's her dad we should be mad at"
Of course. But the 3 year old is still p
Upset.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/08/2017 00:07

Xpost!

Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:09

OlennasWimple (I don't know how to make bold) He knows, I just didn't expressly tell him! Honestly, I'd never leave my children unattended, even inadvertently. Part of the reason I'm so knackered I'm sure is because I want to be with them all the time and don't use my parents/in-laws enough. Maybe that's the answer

OP posts:
Ceto · 15/08/2017 00:09

Good for you, OP. He needs to know that you are not the default carer and that he needs to grow up and not assume that you will enable him to be lazy.

SomehowSomewhere1 · 15/08/2017 00:09

Fair play to you!!

Much better some you time, all be it in a car park, than an argument to which they never listen. I like your style!

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 00:15

Next time go to the cinema or pub!

Try not being the default parent for the rest of the week. See what he does.!

Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:16

Well I knew that if I had said anything it wouldn't have been anything nice so just thought it'd be better to go get some fresh air. I left very calmly, didn't slam a door or anything! Perhaps he will appreciate how difficult bedtime can be when the little ones don't want to sleep! But it was more about me asking for help and him refusing. It hurt. He would never have to ask twice for anything from me, particularly if he needed a hand with our childrenSad

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Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:17

I do everything. I don't need praise, but if I ask for support (which is rare), the least he could do is give it

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mummmy2017 · 15/08/2017 00:19

Anyone who is saying it's not fair to the Child needs to stop it.
It's her bedtime, her Daddy is there.
Hope your OK OP.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/08/2017 00:23

I don't think anyone is trying to make the op feel bad for leaving, just pointing out the potential impact as the op didn't mention in her first post that she said she was going to the shop.

Original poster
luckymomma · 15/08/2017 00:28

It's fine, I don't feel bashed. I understand the concern for my DD. I didn't tell DH where I was going, just DD. DD will probably tell him I've gone to the shops and he'll know I wasn't being honest to DD but she won't.

Is anyone else's DH very shit? Not that that should make it ok. But I'm a eriously considering whether I want to continue to put up with this crap

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NeverTwerkNaked · 15/08/2017 00:45

My (now Ex) was. It's crap. It wore me down till I forgot I was a person of my own Flowers

mogloveseggs · 15/08/2017 00:50

Well technically you did go to the shop. Flowers for you I hope this makes him wake up a bit or a lot

Strokethefurrywall · 15/08/2017 01:03

YANBU in the slightest. Stay there, enjoy your magazines, some chocolate, some Mumsnet ting and perhaps go home around 1-2am. That's what I would do.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2017 01:11

Yes my ex was. Sorry that's probably not what you want to hear.

Sistersofmercy101 · 15/08/2017 01:15

My x was. My partner (current) is not. I'm a SAHP at the moment and he works FT but if I ask for support I get it, if I'm struggling, I get asked "what can I do to help?". No whinging about "work all day etc" he just mucks in! No offence OP but your OH is taking the p*ss hugely. (and that's a quote from my OH who I read your post out loud too)... I don't blame you one bit! Hopefully this will be the kick up the butt your OH needs!

Changerofname987654321 · 15/08/2017 07:13

OP this sounds awful. You must be exhausted.

How old is your baby? If you are on maternity leave still they must still be a baby son I wonder you don't want to hand them over to PIL.

Changerofname987654321 · 15/08/2017 07:14

So not son

lynmilne65 · 15/08/2017 07:58

Sort of thing I would have done!!

Mandysmumbun · 15/08/2017 08:04

Bertrand you're not normally an alarmist from other posts I've read but a 3 yo terrified of being left with her df, really Hmm

JustMumNowNotMe · 15/08/2017 08:04

bert stop being so melodramatic! Her daughter us absolutely fine with her otber parent, shes not been abandoned so why the hell would she be terrified?! 😂
If you are going by your own experience in that your kids are terriefied when you go out anywhere then I'd say you've got bigger problems than the OP.