AIBU to have got out of bed, got dressed and just left the house with no explanation?

[luckymomma]

DH is an absolute tool sometimes, lazy and inconsiderate. He regularly pisses me off with his inability to clean up after himself and general selfish behaviour but this eve took the biscuit. Both been at work today, after work he played badminton with some friends and came home around 8. We have 3 DC. I finished work and did the usual collecting DCs, cooking, cleaning etc. (Don't want a medal, just saying).

I was in bedroom with DD (3) and baby, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to put them both to sleep. 3yr old wouldn't settle and twice asked to poo whilst in bed. Each time DD got up for poo I called DH to help her in bathroom to avoid me getting up and disturbing baby who was only half asleep. After second attempt at poo, DH sends DD back in saying she won't poo. Fair enough. It annoys me that he doesn't have the patience to sit with her for more than two minutes to see if she'll actually poo but can't force her, I get it.

Anyway, I ask DH if he wants to swap with me and try to put DD down. (He's just sat on sofa watching tv). He says no. So I ask again, "Please can we swap for a bit, I'm knackered and DD won't sleep." He says no and walks off downstairs!! So I got up, got dressed, left baby in her cot (baby needs nothing but sleep!), sent DD into living room as I walk out the house without saying a word.

Currently sat in Tesco car park with two newly purchased magazines and a bag of goodies, determined not to return home until I'm sure the little ones are fast asleep. AIBU?

As a one off I don't think you are.

But you can't cope with this in the long run.

Does your DH pull is weight and parent equally with you normally?

If not, you need to be considering a long term solution.

YADNBU (gavel)

shock and.awe.is the way to go with lazy fuckers imo and ime

He should have helped, as you said you've both been out at work and he got to enjoy a hobby whilst you did household tasks and was doing the bed times with kids.

Why do some men think the responsibility of kids is one that has to be requested of them rather than just doing it.

enjoy some peace and quiet and goodies but be prepared for sulky stroppy DP when you get home

YANBU

Good on you! I don't have the guts to do this (yet) but this post has inspired me to make a stand !

No you're not op. Good for you. He's a lazy twat.

I can see why you did it. But I think that would be really scary for a 3 year old.

YANBU

You must be exhausted. Why are the children not asleep at 11pm? What time did they get out to bed? I hate bedtimes, and my nerves would be frayed at this point.

I would say, my mum used to do what you did. And one of my striking memories is standing with my sisters crying at the front window quietly waiting for her to come back as we had no idea if she would. It was horrible.

Can you take a child each? So make a plan that you have the baby in your room (doze off with them if you need to) and he has DD in her room?

Yanbu. I think staying and inevitably arguing would be worse for a three year old. Enjoy some peace and work out exactly what to say to your dh, he needs to change.

Yanbu.

Good work OP.

"I think staying and inevitably arguing would be worse for a three year old."

Both parents behaving like adults would be better. 3 year old doesn't know where mum is. Terrifying.

Yanbu. But see this as rock bottom. Your DH needs to pull his finger out!

funnily, tesco was the place I drove
to the time I did this to (now ex) H .

YADNU

Has The Tool contacted you to see if you're ok?

I presume he's often a selfish git if you've resorted to this.

You need a plan. (My veg patch has space...just)

Op is clearly at breaking point, can people hoik their judgy pants out of their butt cracks for once?

Your 3 yo has no idea why you left, where you've gone or if you're coming back.

You're trying to punish your dh but dd is the one suffering.

Did you explain to the three-year-old? I think she might be a bit upset by you just leaving.

It's fine as long as you did it calmly so not to upset the kids.

I'm not judging btw. When my DS was three I once freaked him out by locking the bathroom door to get some peace!

Is he usually this crap?

He is occasionally helpful, but I have to ask him to do pretty much anything he does do. Ever since going on Mat leave with our first I noticed a change in his behaviour. Maybe it's because I have less time to pick up the shit he leaves around, whereas pre-children I had so much free time I didn't notice/mind it?! Most of the time I just suck it up and get on with it. But it's as if he is a fourth child at times, and I really am tiring of telling him to pull his weight.

3yr old will be fine with daddy, DH is great with them when he is left to just get on with it. But why is it that he just can't show some understanding and initiative?! Children don't look after themselves, houses don't clean themselves, how do I get through to him?

The 3 year old is at home with her Dad, hardly a cause to be terrified. He's a tool not Freddy Krugar!

I usually take coffee and iPhone to the loo to get some peace

OP needs a break. 3yr-old has her father there.

Does he actually know that you aren't up there? I understand why you reached the end of your tether, but you shouldn't hand over the responsibility baton to the other person without them actually being aware that they have got it