What should I be achieving with a 5 week old?

[Hollyhop17]

I am a very stressed first time mum to a 5 week old. My house is a tip, we are living off junk food. He is currently going through a growth spurt so is crying a lot/awake a lot/difficult to settle.

I am so upset at all of this. I feel like I should be doing more but there never seems to be anytime. My DH is back to work tomorrow so Ill be on my own with him for the first time.

What realistically should I be doing? Cleaning, cooking, leaving the house? I had HG throughout my pregnancy so the brunt of all cooking/cleaning fell to DH. I am keen to 'make up' for this, but finding it hard.

What are others able to do at this stage?

TIA

Get up
Survive the day
Go back to bed for a mostly sleepless night.
Anything else is a bonus at this point.
P s accept any help offered and drop all standards re housework etc as it will all settle back down in time !
Congrats btw x

Feed the baby. Maybe dress the baby, if you're feeling up to it, dress yourself. That is all. When they're having growth spurts, take care of them, take care of yourself. Everything else can take care of itself.

You'll be fine, just play it by ear and don't do too much.

Getting up. Trying to eat and drink something at regular-ish intervals. Keeping both you and the baby alive (feed it, change it - very occasionally bathe it, or get someone else to)

My main goal by three months is to be able to leave the house occasionally.

Some babies sleep all the time at that age, and some parents of such babies morph into stepford wives and keep show homes and tilt their heads at those who are not zen and timetabled and well rested etc.

If your baby is not one of the ones who sleeps all the time, or you had a difficult birth/ section which isn't healing quicker than average, then all you have to achieve is keeping yourself and your offspring fed, and offspring dry, clean and safe.

I was able to weep on the sofa and shout at my partner a bit. I was really good at accepting food etc

What I would say you really need to nail is that you can trust yourself to do your best and this is what it looks like. When you are emotionally and physically ready to do the housework along with riding the hormonal wave, adjusting to your very different life, and managing a baby (newborns can be very demanding), you will, because you are capable and rational. I really recommend biscuits and box sets and having 'attending to myself and baby' as your only goal. The rest will fall into place as you get the hang of this. You could have a secondary goal of 'asking and accepting help from others' if there are friends and family about who are capable of wielding a hoover and doing a load of washing.

TLDR pls take it easy until it gets easier

Thanks all. Seems like maybe I am expecting too much. I think I thought tje new born phase would be lots of sleeping so I would be able to get stuff done.

I feel so guilty about being pretty useless for the past 9 months I had hoped to do more.

It's so stressful, I just feel on edge all the time

You feed them, yourself and make sure you're both clean and clothed (pyjamas acceptable). During growth spurts, you should achieve keeping yourself hydrated and watching a ton of television. Everything else can wait. Honestly. It'll all still be there.
You may allow visitors, but don't let them in unless they've brought food, or are willing to wash up.

Your dh can cook and clean.

Don't feel stressed - you're doing great. Think about what your body has been through, and continues to go through. Now give yourself a break. The baby might sleep a fair amount, but you need to care for yourself at that point - have a shower, eat a packet of biscuits, just sit and stare at the baby. You don't need to be a superwoman.

Keep the baby fed and clean.

Keep yourself fed and clean.

Between you and DH, do just enough housework to ensure the house isn't an actual health hazard.

Anything else is a bonus for if and when you feel up to it.

I agree. Survival for both of you at this stage. Just feed and try and sleep, feed and try and sleep.

Motherhood is a job you never finish, or barely start some days. Mostly you will feel like you have been steam rolled by the whole experience.

But, it's the best job ever, when you look back at it. And it all goes way too fast!!

If you can afford it and are in the area, go to www.cookfood.net and they will deliver healthy tasty meals that only need bunging in the oven. Lo! Your washing up, cooking and junk problems solved in one hit. Some babies are hard babies. Just survive. It will get easier. Fourth trimester and all that. Do you have a little baby swing thing? Cheap second hand. My two couldn't resist nodding off in the swings.

Expect to get up, feed and change the baby. Aim for a nice morning walk. Try to comfort crying baby. Wonder how to get dressed. Feed and change the baby. Distract and carry crying baby. Look at house in despair. Feed and change baby. Try to talk to friend on phone, but get interrupted after 40 seconds to feed and change the baby, who had now done a poo tsunami. Snuggle on the sofa after drying your tears, wonder how people live Like this. Feed and change the baby. Try to remember when you last has a shower.
Look at the mountain of washing up as exhaustion strikes. Feed and change the baby.
As your dh arrived home at 6.30, you are beginning to nearly be ready for your morning walk. Tell him it's boiled eggs for dinner, and try not to cry. He is kind to you so you do cry.
Honestly op, you are not doing anything wrong.
Aim to get to a few baby groups for adult interaction, and let the rest slide. I found it almost impossible for the first 12 weeks.
Your next one will slot in without you noticing, you will find it so easy, and will wonder what you were doing the first time. Ooh yes, and you'll meet loads of people for whom it a breeze, god only knows how, but they will be irritatingly chirpy.
But really, it's not you, or your baby, it's just how it is for some of us. Do what ever makes you feel best, because a happy mum makes for a happy family.
Congratulations, and remember they turn into different creatures at 3 months x

Oh lovely, balls to the housework, I aimed for getting out of bed, getting dressed is optional, feed baby, try and make sure you eat and drink during the day - anything else is over and above right now and completely optional. Your priority is getting to know and snuggling your gorgeous baby I'm almost 4 months on and, whilst everyone says it, you won't believe how fast they grow! Enjoy as much as possible

In the first year of my first child's life I counted each day as an achievement if I had managed to get through it with her still alive.

Seriously.

I've a 6 week old. Manage to shower and dress every day but often not til afternoon. Get a load of washing done most days through necessity, but often load machine and put on time delay after LO has gone to sleep after night feed. Some days I manage to do dishes. Have cooked once in 6 weeks, been living off stuff I batch cooked and froze.
If had a bad night I do bugger all but feed and change baby and watch Netflix!

Everything above. Review in 6 weeks time.

It gets easier, you need have no other expectations than what the PPs have said.

Feed baby, clean baby.
Feed yourself, clean yourself.

Everything else is non-essential.

A walk will help your head but only if you can face the palaver that is leaving the house with a tiny new born.

You're doing great.

Breathing. Blinking. That's about it for expectations at this point.

Seriously though, I aimed for a shower, dressed and downstairs every day and then just left the rest to whatever happened. As long as I was dressed to leave the house should I have needed to I left everything else.

Things should settle soon; phases and routines change frequently and you'll find a way of fitting it all in.

Thanks everyone, your comments are helpful, though making me cry. I just feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I dont think this growth spurt is helping...

I think its partly in anticipation of going it alone for the first time tomorrow. Will aim to get dressed and leave it at that.

MIL has offered to come and stay, perhaps I should let her...

PS My DH makes me a sandwich every morning before he goes to work, I have found this immensely helpful!

Great tip Creature, thanks!

Survive. Cuddle. Feed. Sleep if possible.

That's it! Congratulations on your little one

Ok as for getting dressed - babies are usually happiest to amuse themselves straight after their long sleep. So get everything laid out tonight - undies, towel, comfy clothes, bouncer or whatever on the bathroom floor, and get in the shower Very First Thing.

Brushing your teeth.
Trying to not kill either of you.
That's about it!

I recommend getting a Caboo if you'd like to start trying to get things done?