What should I be achieving with a 5 week old?

[Hollyhop17]

I am a very stressed first time mum to a 5 week old. My house is a tip, we are living off junk food. He is currently going through a growth spurt so is crying a lot/awake a lot/difficult to settle.

I am so upset at all of this. I feel like I should be doing more but there never seems to be anytime. My DH is back to work tomorrow so Ill be on my own with him for the first time.

What realistically should I be doing? Cleaning, cooking, leaving the house? I had HG throughout my pregnancy so the brunt of all cooking/cleaning fell to DH. I am keen to 'make up' for this, but finding it hard.

What are others able to do at this stage?

TIA

Morning walk! Haha! My little one used to wake at 8 and feed until 12 with a 15 minute nap at some point during that time. I remember when the HV did her prebaby home visit saying to aim to be dressed by 12 and I inwardly laughed at the thought of taking until 12 to get dressed. Oh how wrong I was.

Everyone feed and no-one dead is phrase is a phrase I see a lot in MN. If you have a shower every day and brush your teeth twice a day then you are winning. If you get outside for a short walk then you reaching the sky.

Have you read about the 4th trimester?

Growth spurts suck, poor you.

If it's any help, it definitely got easier for me post 8 week mark with my first. Honestly just get through tomorrow without actual disaster - ypu know, starting a fire, knocking a wall down - and ypu are doing it right.

Are you used to having very clear evidence/feedback of achievement in your life? Because that might be your personal challenge, coming to terms with working really hard to get stuff right all day and not being able to see any clear feedback for that work. There is even a book called 'What mothers do - when it looks like they are doing nothing' or something, which is an attempt to quantify how complex emotionally and demanding being the caregiver to a new born can be

Exactly what Callamia said. Have a shower and put on some clean clothes/pj's every day. It makes you feel so much better

Stop feeling guilty about not doing enough. Over the next few months tge scales will tip the other way.

I would try establish a routine (but not yet). I don't think it is until babies are about 12 weeks that you start finding time to hoover/shop/cook etc.

Importantly, give yourself a break. Sleep

Honestly, at 5 weeks I was just surviving the day!

Sometimes I still wasn't dressed by the time dh got home and hadn't done any cleaning etc.

I didn't really get into any kind of vague routine with the day to day stuff until at least 8 weeks. Even then it was pretty hit and miss sometimes.

Feed, clean and cuddle baby. Brush your teeth, wash, shower if you can. Clean clothes. Try to get out of the house for a little walk. If you can, try to see someone who makes you feel better, a friend or relative. Avoid people who make you feel worse. Do what you can, but don't put pressure on yourself.

6 weeks EBF baby here and c-section birth.
My baby never sleeps more than 2 hours and atm is also on growth spurt so much less, plus he has very bad trapped wind that makes him cry.
we get up, get dressed and sit in the lounge for most of the day.
Housework wise I get at least 1 load of laundry done, hung up and dry clothes folded and put away. Fill, run and empty the dishwasher, hoover throughout and make lunch and evening meal.
We try to go out every day and will drive to the shops to pick up anything we need. We have had a couple of play dates and had a huge BBQ to introduce baby to our friends, but not gone to any classes.

I do feel that I could be doing more but love spending time cuddling the little one.

Holly only accept MIL's offer if you are very comfortable in her company and won't feel judged if you have to spend all day cluster feeding on the sofa and don't get dressed.

I had dc2 when DC1 was still a very small toddler and people said "accept all offers of help" - worst advice ever. My mother came to stay and made me feel like shit, wouldn't let me hold my own breastfed, newborn who shortly before she arrived had taken to being worn in a wrap with total contentment, and criticized me for not going into superwoman spring cleaning mode (I'd just had a C-section) while I had her there "to hold the baby". She criticised my cooking, criticised my friends who came to visit, criticised the facilities in our house... She ruined those weeks for me. I'd been doing very well before she arrived but having her to stay was so awful - I tried to talk to her but she just cried and talked about wanting to bond with the baby so not to help as she'd insisted before arrival then our relationship has never recovered though she'd rewritten history by the time she arrived home and told everyone how I'd never have coped without her

Oh blimey you should not be doing ANYTHING other than surviving, and certainly not describing yourself as 'useless' for the last 9 months-you grew a human! That takes some doing

Back in t'olden days women would have a period of 'confinement' of around 6 weeks, this still exists in some cultures where a new mother does not leave the house for 40 days and absolutely does not lift a finger during this time. Problem is in modern day Britain we are often much apart from our extended families and place huge pressure on ourselves to resume normal duties after birth; it is just totally unrealistic though

As others have said, expect to survive....your priority is to feed and cuddle, and rest where you're able to

At week 5 I started going to a baby massage class-it was like my one proper outing during the week and I didn't always make it-sometimes it evolved into walking to the end of the road and coming home again, I rarely managed to shower but enjoyed having one thing to focus on. Other than that I sat at home in my jim jams and held a baby who didn't do nice long naps but slept in 30 min bursts, only on me, and then would want to be fed the rest of the time. We ate a lot of freezer food and my OH continued to cook-the deal was I fed the baby and he fed me

It soon changes though! Everything else can wait and I promise it does get easier and things will return to a new kind of normal

But for gods sake, be kind to yourself and don't fight it. This too shall pass

Feed/change baby.

Managing to get dressed and out even just for an hour some days is good for the soul.

Sleep when you get the chance.

Anything else is a bonus. I relaxed on maternity leave only when I realised my leave was so I could look after my baby, not to become a full time housekeeper & cook.

User as a mammy to a very very demanding 9 week old that feeds and gets sick on repeat all day long and doesn't sleep AT ALL, your post is anything but helpful! You're clearly one of those chirpy stepford wives previously mentioned by someone else.
Op just get through the days as they come! If your husband comes home to you in your pjs he'll understand! Go easy on yourself because it can be so so so tough!!! Babies are demanding. And your only only job is to love them and care for them xx you'll be perfectly ok I promise xxx it seems so so daunting but you'll be so proud just to manage all by yourself

Outself, yes I am. Massively. I will look up that book, thanks for the recommendation.

I have high expectations of myself, always been a problem, I mistakenly thought it wouldnt be with my baby.

I also had a section and was healing quite well, but he has kicked me a few times yesterday so I am feeling in quite a bit of pain today. Also not helping how I feel.

Thanks again for your comments, very helpful.

You're a life support system for a very very small and needy person, that's all you need to be worrying about. Life will still be there when you resurface.

I found getting outside (into the garden not out in public, since I was only wearing pyjamas most days at that point!) was nice, just for some fresh air. DD liked to look at things out there too.

OP, it may not feel it but you're probably doing an amazing job. My DS is 7 months and this week I've hardly got dressed or showered - it's been a bad week! My in laws popped in yesterday and I think my FIL was so shocked at the state of the house that they've offered to come down on wednesday and said if I take the baby out for a couple of hours they'll clean top to bottom!

Dh told me the other day if he came home from work and neither ds or I was crying then it was a good day as far as he was concerned

Feed the baby, clean clothes and clean teeth. Sleep if you can. Repeat.

Woah slow down. I also have massively high expectations of myself and remember how I felt when DH went back to work after our first - thought I could be superwoman - do everything. In reality I was a total state that I hadn't even got dinner ready when he got home (I think I'd only just had breakfast).

A baby is a huge change. It feels like it shouldn't be. You spend your time feeding them and getting them to sleep so you should have buckets of free time, right? Pah. It's really not like that though and for the first three months life goes to pot. Be kind to yourself and have (very) low standards.

I promise people are not saying this to make you feel better. People are saying this because they have been there and this shit is real!

I'd say that with a five week old, a reasonable list of things to achieve would be:

Feed the baby.
Change the baby's nappy.
Hold the baby.
Wash the baby when necessary.
Change the baby's clothes when necessary.
Jiggle/rock etc the baby.
Watch the baby and learn to understand them.
Eat food. It doesn't have to be prepared by you.
Drink enough to keep hydrated.
Go through the loo.
Brush your teeth.
Wash occasionally.
Go to any appointments related to your health or that of the baby.

At 5 weeks, I was spending about 7hrs out of every 24 pumping because DS had a tongue tie so I had lots of soup in a mug and bread as far as I can remember. Plus he had reflux with meant lots and lots of vomit.

I managed to get us both dressed usually for about 2 or 3pm and then he'd vomit again over everything making all the effort pointless.

DH would come home and cook dinner and do some laundry.

All this was with my mum practically moving in during the day to help out. It got easier about the 3 month mark for me, by then we had bf well established and his reflux eased a bit.

I really couldn't have even considered a second until recently when the memory has faded a bit.

When mine were little I'd get up, shower and put on some clean comfy clothes before OH left for work. Made the bed then set myself up on the bed with pillows and a blanket, iPad, jug of water and some snacks and fruit. Then... Netflix and feed aaaaaallll day. I tried to do a wash every evening when OH got home, and had it hung on my Lakeland heater airer overnight to dry by morning. Other housework happened at weekends or whenever OH was around to help. This went on for months and months. I loved those days laying about with a newborn! I must say I embraced it more with DS2 than with my first (who was helpfully at school by the time 2nd baby came along).

Breathing and keeping the sprog alive.

Honestly, don't expect too much at this stage. By 12 weeks, you might feel in a bit of a routine so you could aim to go to a baby group or meet up with a friend for a coffee occasionally.
It really doesn't matter if the perfect mummy down the street can manage the washing, cooking, cleaning, sex etc. at this age. In the grand scheme of things, who really gives a fuck as long as you're all alive at the end of the day?
Just focus on getting through each day surviving.
Maybe try reading a few 'bad mummy' type blogs to help you see the funny side of life. I found things like that helped me to accept my limitations during this period. (I remember laughing out loud at The fish finger years by Fiona Gibson)
My mantra was and still is 'everything changes' and occasionally, 'this too shall pass'.

You're not doing anything wrong! Almost all of us feel a bit crazed in the first few months. The change to your life & all the hormones flying about don't help either. I know not hugely helpful to say but it really does get easier over time. Try to be kind to yourself. But if feelings of stress & anxiety get overwhelming have a chat with your dh &/or your GP. You'll be ok OP

Are you breast feeding?
I bf and my dh did ALL the food shopping and cooking. He fed me and I fed ds. That was the deal.

Wait, wait! Useless for 9 months??? You were building a person! You created life, carried it as it grew, redesigned your body including growing a whole new organ to nurture it, and safely delivered it into the world, via a painful and probably exhausting process that you're still healing from. Good on your DH for taking on the housework but you really shouldn't be feeling guilty about that.

With a 5 week old your job is to feed, cuddle, bond, sleep as much as you possibly can, and when awake eat lots of food ideally cooked by your partner and watch box sets. New mums are heroes, give yourself some credit (and some ).

I had great plans for my maternity leave. We were going to give the dog nice long walks and I'd get nice and fit and all would be well and the house would be tidy and the garden done. The actuality was that I had a section, I looked after DS and got a dog walker for quite a lot of time at the beginning. You will be pleased to hear that things do improve, I did start managing to take the dog out every day (with the buggy) although not for the extensive walks I had planned. I didn't have a tidy, clean house, but DS was well, and I healed.

At times you'll have to accept that the only thing that you'll be able to do is look after your baby. If your DH expects you to do more than this, please arrange to have the day out and leave him coping (I did this with DH and he immediately stopped expecting me to do any housework - if I managed something it was a bonus!)