5 year old still has a dummy and bottle: is it really that bad?

[Dangermouse559]

Hi all,

My DD is recently turned 5 years old and still has a bottle and dummy. She has a bottle of milk at just before bed at around 7:00 and doesn't have one any other time. She sleeps with about 5 dummies at night, she will have it during the day if she is upset, and sometimes has it in the car on long journeys.

Now I know that she is 'too old' for them, but she really does love her dummy and bottle. I am often reminded by family members or sometimes rude strangers that she shouldn't have them anymore but I just don't see why I should take them away.
I am aware of the argument that they damage teeth, but the dentist is happy with her teeth and didn't mention the dummy at all the times that we have visited.

I know that I'm not the only one that feels judged for allowing my child to have a dummy and bottle at this age so if anyone else is feeling the same way then your experience would be greatly appreciated. Generally I just want some support that I'm not a horrendous mother for let my DD have a dummy and bottle at 5
Thanks x

I've seen a 6 year old with teeth like that picture above from dummy use.

It seems you don't want to deal with the upset that will come when you take it away but that's part of parenting. You will disappoint, upset and anger your children at points in their childhoods and that's a normal part of parenting. Avoiding such conflict isn't good parenting. You need to take them away and soon.

However it's not as bad as breastfeeding at age 5.....

Why?
Breastfeeding at 5 doesn't risk altering the shape of the mouth/teeth the way a dummy or bottle does. There are also many benefits to the child.
Would you feel breastmilk in a cup at 5 was ok?

just go cold turkey for both at the same time. She'll ask for them for a few nights (offer milk in cup instead), but don't give in

Ds1 had a bottle until he was six. No damage emotionally or physically, he is now 10. Bigger things to angst about imho.

VinIsGroot we have a sleep is for losers! in this house too.

I get you know - all these things that you wish your child could grow out of but still needs yet someone else is happy with their NT child opting to keep reltong on them. Don't feel ashamed.

However I still think its unnecessarily harsh to impkyimpkis pathetic - she hasn't said she won't have the conversation just wondering if she should. We all have challenges as parents- not all comparable at all - but OP is trying her best

No judgement here op.
My dd has ASD and is 6 she had a dummy at bed time until 5 1/2 years old.

I think maybe a dummy for bed time/home only might be the best way to go though and wean from there from home to bed time only to none. I genuinely thought I'd never get rid of dummy's at one point so I know how hard it can be to stop them.
I do think a dummy out and about at her age leaves you open to judgement that your dd is old enough to understand and take on board which might make he self conscious.
It also might cause problems for her of anyone from her school sees her with it and teases her.

As for the bottle again if it's home time only it's not such a big deal but again something you could work at gradually removing. Have you tried some of the early weaning beakers as an alternative? Some of them you have to suck like a bottle but the shape is squarer, (don't think that's an actual word )
Using one of those and then eventually moving onto a straw sippy cup for bed might be a good way to remove them if you're struggling.
Or even keep her bed time bottle but throw away the teat and say you've lost it and let her have a straw instead?

With mine I felt it was important that they learned to self soothe, without any props, to make their lives easier in the future.
I said that at 3, people dropped having bottles and dummies. She still had a cup of milk, but just did without the dummy with no fuss.

I don't think she should still have a bottle at 5. My ds is nearly 2 and he has toddler formula, so yes he still has it in bottles as its so much easier to make it. But I make sure he brushes his teeth twice a day (not saying you don't make sure the same), and all other drinks are in a beaker. When he stops having formula milk in the mornings and before bed, he will not have bottles anymore, for example in the future, when he doesn't have his formula anymore, if he wanted milk he could have it in a beaker.
And dummies. I hate them. I see no need for them at any age and would never ever dream of giving any child of mine one. They're horrible shoved in the poor child's mouth, they look awful. Sorry. I also see no need for blankets, teddies, and comfort items.
My son had nothing like that at all and is fine. I didn't either. He sucked his thumb rarely when we was young, stopped by himself by 8 months and has never done it since.
I'll be flamed but that's what I think. Sorry.

kel1234 also see no need for blankets, teddies, and comfort items.
That's harsh! I'm glad you're not my mother! Comfort items are exactly that - for comfort!!

I stopped my son's bottles at 2 and he also had a dummy to which he was very attached. One night we forgot to give it him and that was that. I decided if he could go a night without then he really didn't need it any more. He protested but we were firm and told him that he didn't need one any more and that they were gone. Maybe with your DD you could send her dummies to the dummy fairies and she could choose a special toy as a reward?

She's been "little" up till now, but once at school you need to gently help her leave babyish things behind, imo.

No one likes seeing their DC upset over giving something up, but it will be temporary and you can offer lots of encouragement, love, extra cuddles and positive praise. I'd ditch the baby bottle first, tbh.

Change the routine- nice new cup downstairs with before bed milk on the sofa cuddled up. Or hot chocolate as a treat in a lovely mug. Repeat and break the habit.

Your lovely DD is already private about it - it would be a shame for her if someone found out and teased her and spoiled her memories of comforting things. Better to gracefully be helped to give it up before that happens.

Danger, I haven't rtft, but wanted to share that dd's dentist told me when she was 4 or 5 that thumb sucking was 'now thought not to cause orthodontic problems' - I believed him - sadly age 14 now her orthodontist does not share this view and says her thumb sucking at that age caused the current issues.

Just get her to choose a nice mug to have her bedtime milk in, and hang the dummies on the dummy tree outside for the dummy fairy to give to the new babies (and tell her there will be a present there for her in the morning). She will feel so grown up and proud. Yes, you will have tears and poor sleep at first - maybe keep her up late or tire her out the first couple of nights, but you can do this. Throw them away and refuse to buy any more - no going back.

DS is 2 and is obsessed with his dummy, I find it embarrassing when he has it out the house but this is my fault as I've found it really hard getting it off him.

DD is 1 and isn't as bothered about her dummy so I'm biting the bullet and weaning them both off it at the same time.

Philippe give yourself a break, with 2 under 2 I'm not even sure I'd be able to make it more than 3 feet out the house!!

You're the parent and it's your responsibility to put your foot down and say "no more dummy and no more bottle". If she can't use a cup at age 5 I'd be worried. I wonder what else is allowed to slip through the net because you don't want to upset your daughter?

Yes bottle and dummy automatically means everything else has slipped through the net what evidence do you have from this thread that her child cries at everything?

Yes it's fairly unusual but personally I think people fall Into the "trap" of thinking that they will give it up/do it when they are ready a bit too much. Some children just need "telling" there's no more bottle or dummy or nappies etc as they just won't think to give them.up. But as I said that's just my thinking on things no ones under any obligation to agree.

I also think (and this is personal opinion) that sometimes it's better and easier to do things when they are far too small to remember and any upset will he over very quickly.

However obviously people differ hence the thread.

op if you are still reading I would personally advise against doing things separately as what's the point of upsetting her twice. Just do it together at this stage and get it it over with

Ignore the harsher posts you have had some good advice

kel1234 you doubt agree with comfort blankets and favorite toddies used as comforters or at all?
Unless your child is on special milk they also don't need formula till 2 . get him on cows milk in a cup before he starts deriving any comfort from it (!)

DS was given a dummy in hospital to keep a suck reflex. He uses it at 2 to make sure food is "safe" as he still has eating issues.

Personally anything that is safe and gives comfort to a baby - why wouldn't you? Why would you not want your child to be comforted?

"I also see no need for blankets, teddies, and comfort items"

Wow thats pretty sad actually :(

As someone who has just weaned her twins off dummies and is in the middle of the hell that is weaning them off bedtime bottles I can totally understand why it gets put off.

It's heartbreaking taking away something that they find comforting and seeing the upset that causes. Why shouldn't we try to comfort our children?

In my case, the dummies has to go as one child was able to put it totally in his mouth and managed to choke on it.

And the milk I'm just trying to move from bottle to beaker (and gradually transition to cows milk) at this stage. One won't even touch the beaker and shouts for his bottle. The other downs the contents of the beaker and then shouts for his bottle. It's horrible and I can understand why people don't want to have to do it.

Many children are still breastfeeding at age 5 (throughout the world) so really I don't see why that shouldn't apply to a bottle as well. She obviously finds sucking a great comfort and winding down technique. Could you start to look for some other self settling techniques she could start to use, so she has some coping strategies as she gets a bit older? I'm not sure what though

I also see no need for blankets, teddies, and comfort items.

Research suggests that transitional items as they are called (comfort items) actually play a very important role in helping a child adapt to new situations with reduced stress and fear. Not all children have them; my son has never had a blankie or special toy despite us trying. But for those children who are Attached to a comfort item they provide an important step in their psychological development.

I'm sure you didn't mean to come across as sounding cold but that's quite. SD attitude to have. Little kids do need teddies and blankies sometimes. They are tiny, vulnerable little things and if they have a blankie then how on earth can that be a bad thing?

Quite a sad... not SD

Oh autocorrect....

My dses had a bottle until aged 4/5. I personally was marginally embarrassed, other than that there have been no ill effects. They didn't have a dummy though.

Personally I don't think it's great. My youngest has severe autism and we took hers at age 3 (it was hellish) she's now 4. We lost bottleswith all of them at 3 including both the dc with autism.

She does have a comfort object though (my 4 year old) she carries it with her constantly. My youngest was chewing her dummies and would have a dummy in all day long if she have. That's why I chose to remove it.

It's not ideal, but it's not unheard of. My DS 'went off' his bottle at 12 months also started to dislike his dummy at three and give it up easily - extremely easy 😂

My DD on the other hand, is two and still has both. I can't see her giving them up anytime soon. But I would like her off both by 3.

I had a bottle until I was five (🙈🙈) and it's not given me any long term physical or mental scars! 😂

My 14 year old sister had a bottle at night until she was 9 (yes my mother is weak when it comes to taking things away). I do not agree with this as her adult teeth were coming through by this age and it's just a little bit strange.

My friends DD is four and still has both.

I would be more worried about the dummies right now. One bottle of milk day isn't that bad but dummies I would be trying harder to get rid of.

But you're the parent and it's your decision!