5 year old still has a dummy and bottle: is it really that bad?

[Dangermouse559]

Hi all,

My DD is recently turned 5 years old and still has a bottle and dummy. She has a bottle of milk at just before bed at around 7:00 and doesn't have one any other time. She sleeps with about 5 dummies at night, she will have it during the day if she is upset, and sometimes has it in the car on long journeys.

Now I know that she is 'too old' for them, but she really does love her dummy and bottle. I am often reminded by family members or sometimes rude strangers that she shouldn't have them anymore but I just don't see why I should take them away.
I am aware of the argument that they damage teeth, but the dentist is happy with her teeth and didn't mention the dummy at all the times that we have visited.

I know that I'm not the only one that feels judged for allowing my child to have a dummy and bottle at this age so if anyone else is feeling the same way then your experience would be greatly appreciated. Generally I just want some support that I'm not a horrendous mother for let my DD have a dummy and bottle at 5
Thanks x

Hi OP, I suspect this is more common than you think, and most of us just don't talk about it. For full disclosure, DD is 4, never had a dummy, but still drinks milk from bottles, and is pretty insistent about it. Her teeth are fine (we've been to the dentist).

There are a fair few ways we don't do things 'normally' - for example she goes to bed later than some because I don't want to get up at 6am, ever, if possible. I could go on. Unless it's causing harm, it's a choice, and I've had plenty of practice at ignoring those who judge!

I'd switch the bottle for a cup or a drinks bottle with a straw.

Personally I wouldn't want mine to still have a dummy at 5. We took DS1's away at 3 years overnight. He only asked for them once and never again. Does she have a teddy she's attached too? If so I'd go cold turkey on the dummy too to be honest. And I'd definitely not want her having them in the day anymore.

My children never had bottles or dummies, but there is something I genuinely don't understand - can anyone explain? Many children have favourite cuddly toys or comforters that they may chew at bedtime and no one would dream of telling a child they were too old for their teddy even if they did like to chew its ear. Why is a dummy quite so different? And, if natural term breastfeeding is until around five or six, why is a bottle past a year so bad, provided teeth are cleaned?

Do one thing at a time. Both at once might be a bit much.

You can buy really nice kleen kanteen type drinks bottles - go shopping for one of those with her and get her a couple of whatever type she likes. Frozen or whatever she's into. Make a few fun drinks in it, buy one for yourself too, take them out and about etc etc. Then she can have water in that on the bedside table if she's thirsty at night.

Then tackle the dummy. Lose/break them all and then do the 'oh gosh that's sad they don't sell them for big girls! Tell you what lets go and buy a cuddle toy for you.'

I think your dentist isn't truly able to say there are no effects - it can affect the teeth and oral development in ways that aren't obvious until the child grows. You also don't want her to be teased.

I'd also have a chat with her and gently probe for any anxieties around bedtime.

NHS

When should my child give up bottles?

Your child should begin moving off the bottle and on to a free-flow feeder cup at six months. Try to get them off bottles completely by the age of one, because the teats and spouts encourage children to suck for long periods of time, meaning the drinks that cause tooth decay stay in contact with your child's teeth for a long time.

Will a dummy or thumb sucking harm my child's teeth?

No, but they will encourage an open bite, which is when teeth move to make space for the dummy or thumb. They may also affect speech development. That's why you should avoid using dummies after 12 months of age.
Thumb sucking won't cause permanent problems, as long as the habit stops by the time your child gets their second teeth, but it can be a hard habit to break.
Discourage your children from talking or making sounds with their thumb or a dummy in their mouth, and don't dip dummies in anything sweet, such as sugar or jam.

Why is a dummy quite so different? And, if natural term breastfeeding is until around five or six, why is a bottle past a year so bad, provided teeth are cleaned?

Good question.

Dummies - tend to be held in the mouth for much longer (some children suck all night) and are different shape/consistency to a breast. Basically they're sucking harder, on something harder, for longer.

Bottles - main issue is tooth decay, so provided teeth are brushed post bottle or only water given then less of an issue. Brushing immediately after eating isn't great for teeth though. Ds has a bottle of water to bed with him - where we live is very low humidity and I often wake parched

Bfing is different because of how the nipple is inside the mouth, iirc it goes much further back than a dummy or teat and any milk doesn't sit on their teeth as much. You can get dental carries on any child that has milk at night and doesn't brush their teeth afterwards but it's hard to look at in any way because diet plays a huge part

My 2 year old had a dummy but stopped at 18 months. She still has a bottle at 7pm which I am mortified by. I would judge you as a mother if I saw this. Both items are for babies. Do try to get rid. However it's not as bad as breastfeeding at age 5.....

The problems may well come with the adult teeth and that can't be seen at this stage.

But regardless of whether the bottle or dummy is a problem, the bigger problem is that you are unwilling to insist your child gives them up when you know it is inappropriate for her to still have them. Being unpopular with your child is a vital part of parenting. As hard as it is to see them struggle with something, you have to do it. I suspect you find it hard generally to say no to her and that's a far bigger problem than prolonged use of a dummy.

Thanks for the answers to my questions. I didn't know some babies would suck a dummy all night. I presumed it was just a going to sleep thing and parents would remove them.

Crispmonster, I had no wish to cast any judgement on bf to any age. Our bodies are designed to feed until this age though so it is presumably not detrimental.

My kids wouldn't drink milk out of a cup,so they didn't have any milk from 2 (apart from on cereal).
She doesn't need to have a bottle's worth of milk before bed surely?

Pathetic is an understatement!!!
Cannot u feel guilty that my non-verbal nill by mouth 7 year old who cannot communicate, eat, drink or speak gets comfort from his dummy. He functions at 18-24 months.

I'm sorry but this is absolutely pathetic...I'm not surprised your child is ashamed ...I would be too!

I was on a bottle until the age of 4 and I have awesome teeth, if I may say so myself. The rest of me is falling to pieces! OP, two of my three were total bottle enthusiasts, not until 5 but until 3 1/2.

Your daughter will one day just stop. You'll find that she'll become more aware of not wanting to appear babyish. She'll just get there. We all do. As my mom always says, "Don't worry. Most people don't walk down the aisle and make their vows with a training potty strapped to them and a baba in their hand."

Give it some time. You'd be amazed at what can happen over the summer holidays. If you're that worried, summer holidays is a good time to try and get rid, if that's the direction of travel you wish to go in.

VinlsGroot's post smells like Google Translate gone mad.

VinIsGroot why should OP feel guilty that your child is disabled and takes comfort from a dummy. Her child isn't taking away your child's right or access to his dummy.

And calling her pathetic is quite unnecessary

My son didn't have a dummy but he had his bottle til 6! He was rather immature but knew it was babyish. I told him it really had to stop at 6 and he agreed. I think he hoped it wasn't babyish and could continue but in his heart he knew he had to. So we just stopped, he had a little treat before bed. I just didn't make stopping a big deal, tried to make it lighthearted, i.e. Enough already with the bottle! He's now 12, very tall, still sleeps with his teddy though. Oy!

Vanguard. Yes exactly! I tell myself this re the teddy!!

I think that if you are asking, then you pretty much know already it's time for it them both to go. Add to that the fact your daughter keeps them secret.....and you have the answer.

Yes there will be drama, I wouldn't phase them both out at the same time but it's past time.

Momma.....sorry trying to type with said child sat on me! He feels sleep is for losers!

I feel guilty that my DS has a dummy!

I think it is pathetic that you cannot have a conversation with a 5 year old and say ..... No you are way too old for a bottle !!! This is ridiculous!!!

Unless your child has extra needs then why pander to this silliness ?

Aged 8 and find comfort shitting in a nappy do you allow it???

From a mum this kid is 7 and shits in a nappy as they are incontinent, uses a dummy as they are oral adverse and needs to chew/suck. .... It's all wrong ..stop babying your child and relish in Thier neurotypical-ness...if that's even a word !!!

Regardless of what your dentist says, I bet you'd find another dentist who'd be horrified.

Both of my DC aged 7 & 4 still enjoy milk in the morning from a baby bottle. We all know they are too old, they wouldn't dream of doing it at someone else's house and would be mortified if their friends knew! When the bottles wear out they won't be replaced but that's taking longer than expected!

I let them because it's only five mins a day, they brush their teeth afterwards, milk is good for them and they wouldn't drink it any other way but mainly because they like it and it makes them happy!

Each to their own but personally I think she is to old for both.

Yes my ds had dummy and bottle at night till 5. Then one day just put them away, unprompted. He's 9 and his teeth are fine.

I don't judge you at all op. Make sure she brushes her teeth after the bottle and doesn't have it sat in her mouth for ages and any 'damage' will be massively reduced.

The dummy isn't brill but I had mine until I was 8 apparently and have somehow turned out fine, my teeth aren't just falling out of my mouth and I don't say "sausages" with a million S's or Th's

She'll grow out of it. If it's a bit of a comfort thing for now I don't see the harm at all. People are very weird about this sort of thing.