5 year old still has a dummy and bottle: is it really that bad?

[Dangermouse559]

Hi all,

My DD is recently turned 5 years old and still has a bottle and dummy. She has a bottle of milk at just before bed at around 7:00 and doesn't have one any other time. She sleeps with about 5 dummies at night, she will have it during the day if she is upset, and sometimes has it in the car on long journeys.

Now I know that she is 'too old' for them, but she really does love her dummy and bottle. I am often reminded by family members or sometimes rude strangers that she shouldn't have them anymore but I just don't see why I should take them away.
I am aware of the argument that they damage teeth, but the dentist is happy with her teeth and didn't mention the dummy at all the times that we have visited.

I know that I'm not the only one that feels judged for allowing my child to have a dummy and bottle at this age so if anyone else is feeling the same way then your experience would be greatly appreciated. Generally I just want some support that I'm not a horrendous mother for let my DD have a dummy and bottle at 5
Thanks x

Is it an actual bottle 🍼 OP? Or like a character cup with a lid/straw type bottle?

The thing is, most children are temporarily upset when forced to give up their baby "crutches" (dummies, bottles, whatever) so your DD isn't unusual there. What's unusual is that you can't bear to see her temporarily upset.

Just give her the "dummy fairy" chat and help her to choose a toy to ease the pain

Hard because you see it's making her relaxed and happy. But, she probably needs to try some alternatives now she is getting much older. You can make it a fun transition so that she feels good about it all.

I moved mine onto sports bottles with the flppy lids dd2 had it for ages at bedtime or maybe once she is back at school just dont give her the morning bottle she will be upset for a few days but she will be ok and to ease her off the dummies tell her she can pick 1 and get rid of the other 4.

My son had a dummy at bedtimes til he was about 5, for comfort. After he started school full time he dropped it almost overnight and never had it again. He's 8 now and never been harmed by it.

If she's about to enter Y1 in school then she must certainly doesn't need a dummy or bottle.

The comfort is for you, isn't it? So she's still your 'baby'? I have an only child too (in Y2). She is my baby as I can't have any more, and I'm sad about her growing up but I would not let have these babyish things.
She probably wants to give them up too but only has you to take direction from.

God, people MIL get judgy about my 16 mo having a dummy and bottle "still" so I can only imagine what you get OP.

Teeth can be as bad as that photo from only having dummies at night. I know because of my stepdaughter. It started to show when the adult teeth came through.

I really think you're doing your DD a disservice by allowing this to continue.

If she's hiding this from friends, even she knows it's not ok.

And a five year old having difficulty with a cup? She needs to learn these skills

My daughter is 14months and we're removing dummies now (she only has it at bedtime, this weekend we're planning on removing completely).

I believe the younger you do it the easier it is. So I sympathise with OP, it's going to be hard when you want to remove dummy.

Do you wish to remove bottle/dummy tho? If not it's your choice really. X

I really love it when posters play armchair psychologists on Mumsnet.

The comfort is for you, isn't it? So she's still your 'baby'?

Can I play?

I think, op, that you might be suffering from an oral fixation from when some traumatic event happened as a child and now, because you can no longer allow yourself such childish luxuries you are transferring this desire onto your child. Hmmm?

At this age I'd loose things so you're down to one of each, then I'd help them break.
She can't use what isn't there.
Have big girl alternatives for her to use.

I had a friend like this, her DS didn't give his sippy cup until he was 13, I kid you not. Sippy cup with hot chocolate.

I think 5 is time to say goodbye to the dummy and the bottle should have gone years ago.

My ds (now 15) had a dummy and bottle until he started reception. He then gave it up but, tbh, I didn't put any pressure on him.

I am 48 and was a childhood thumb sucker. It did make me get "buck" milk teeth, but no other problems. I still suck my thumb occasionally!

We have only just managed to switch DS 2.9 from pre-bedtime bottle to a cup instead. I had been anxious about judginess from over the age of 2 tbh, and tried to introduce a fun cup a few months ago to no success. Miraculously, each of the 3 teats we had for his bottles gave up the ghost one by one over a period of about a fortnight (nipple cracked). Not something I deliberately organised but definitely something I am keeping in my back pocket for DC2! Each time a teat broke I reminded him there were only x left and when they broke he would have a cup like a big boy. Last teat broke, he refused a cup that night but took it the next and we haven't looked back. Worth a shot, with the bottles at least?

Regarding the bottle, i would just stop giving milk at bedtime. It's not necessary at this age and stopping it completely is an easier battle than changing the drinking method, I think.

With all of mine it wasn't that we stopped giving bottles. It was just that the milk drink at bedtime stopped happening at around 12-18 months, so the bottle just wasn't used anymore.

 I love you a little bit @upperlimit

My ds had a bedtime bottle until he was 3. One night we just stopped giving it to him and he wasn't bothered.

Or, what upperlimit said

I think she'll give it up of her own accord when she's ready. Don't worry about it.

If she never drank out of anything else or walked around with the dummy all day then yes it would be a problem, but neither of those things apply so it's none of anybody else's business.

Also, I think the teeth position thing is genetic, but people ascribe it to dummies/thumb sucking. Of course everyone will have a story of "Well it happened to someone I know" because you'll notice the times that fit the pattern and not the times that don't.

Put it this way, if your child needed braces to straighten their teeth, you wouldn't let them only wear it for 10 minutes a day, because it wouldn't work. Of course it's different if the child is permanently attached to some kind of teat.

I think it's lazy parenting, yes.

No 5 year old needs a bottle and a dummy. They're intended for babies.

My kids "really love" chocolate, but that doesn't mean I let them have it whenever they like, because it's not good for them. The same applies to dummies and bottles past infancy.

You need to let her grow op op.

She's not a baby.

I haven't read all the replies, but I sucked (ok, suck) my thumb for ages, and my teeth are HORRIFIC.

I have a horrendous overbite and wonky ones at the front. I don't consciously do it any more, but occasionally wake up with my thumb in my mouth... obviously, can't take my thumb away, but if you can get rid of the dummy and bottle, please do.

What does her dentist say?

You're babying her. They're supposed to go at 1 year.

Presumably they wear out and you replace them? Just don't replace them... say they don't make them for 5 year olds, only babies.