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Parenting

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Original poster

My newborn is miserable.

43 replies

sadmum2017 · 05/05/2017 08:54

We have a 2 week old DS. We have only been home a week due to both DS and I being unwell (long story, terrible birth, EMCS). I'm finding it much harder than I anticipated to be a mum. My baby seems miserable and all he does is cry and grumble. He's BF and all seems to be well in that department. But he screams at every nappy change, he screams if we try and play or interact. I just feel that he doesn't like/want me. It upsets me to hear him cry, I can't explain it well, but I usually end up crying too. I've cried every day since we got home and I'm dreading my wonderful DH going back to work. Im just not very good at this. Will it get better?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DermotOLogical · 05/05/2017 09:00

It's does get better I promise.

I also had emcs and had to stay in hospital for a while. Dh was back at work before I knew it and most of the first week I spent in tears. Then I decided to get out the house. Baby groups, walking round the town, visiting people etc. Suddenly things got better.

Remember he's 2 weeks so a bit too young for playing and interacting. He barely knows he's not in the womb anymore. The smiles will come in a few weeks. Cherish the moments you can while he's still tiny.

LIZS · 05/05/2017 09:03

Sounds as if you have had a rough start try not to take crying personally. The first few weeks are often unsettled as the baby adjusts to being here and your hormones may well be up and down. Most nb don't play or interact, just want their basic needs satisfied. It is trial and error to find what works best for you all. Is he happier being cradled or carried? If you are concerned and emotional it might be worth seeing your hv or mw if you haven't been discharged yet.

TheElephantofSurprise · 05/05/2017 09:11

He's just a baby. He doesn't know wtf is happening to him.
Help him to know it's you by talking to him all the time when you do nappy changes etc. Have particular things that you say. He already knows your voice and he'll get used to the pattern of the words and know what to expect. I always sang the alphabet to my baby at nappy change, then explained to her what I was doing and why. Have different patterns of words for bathtime, taking clothes off, etc.
Don't worry about 'play/interact' at two weeks. If he can cry and you give him your attention, he's got 'interact' sussed. Give him lots of suckling time ('constant' is the word I'm looking for) and don't be afraid to love him, cuddle him and leave everything else for when he's 13 and out with his mates.
So says the woman who slept sitting up for the first six weeks because the baby would not be put down anywhere. I promise you, I know its hard, but thirty years from now you'll look back and realise that actually, you did just fine.

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RuskBaby · 05/05/2017 09:21

At 2 weeks all he needs is you, cuddle him close and snuggle. Remember he has just got out of the warm where he had no clothes or nappies touching him. He has so many new sensations to deal with he will cry. It will get better real quick but just try to remember you are all he needs.

AppleMagic · 05/05/2017 09:22

This early bit is so hard. It does get better by itself though, you just need to survive it. You don't need to play/interact really, just snuggle and feed and help them get used to the world slowly.

If it feels like it's more than just the baby blues make sure you speak to your HV/GP in case it's PND.

ems137 · 05/05/2017 09:23

Aww it so hard at first, especially when you see on TV that the newborns are super quiet and hardly a bother. Unfortunately that's not the reality very often! It definitely wasn't for me.

My DD would hardly ever be put down so once I just accepted that as the new way of doing things my stress levels improved. You'll find something that works for you, baby might love being in pram or the car or even a sling.

It gets easier and you'll soon realise what each cry means. Although they do sometimes cry for no apparent reason

AppleMagic · 05/05/2017 09:24

Also, you're programmed to hate the sound of him crying - that's his survival mechanism!

MrsKCoulter · 05/05/2017 09:28

It's horrible isn't it? It seems like they are just having a rubbish time. But he's fine I promise! You will figure out things that usually - but not always - help (my baby has always liked me singing, it's mysterious as I am tone deaf. She also liked to be put down rather than cuddled sometimes. You will figure it out!) and this period when they cry lots is honestly so short even though it seems like forever xx

Original poster

sadmum2017 · 05/05/2017 09:28

When I say 'play' I just mean chat to him or bounce him. He will tolerate being carried for a few minutes while I make a snack, but unless he's attached to my boob or ready for a sleep, he's crying. I do talk to him a lot, but it seems so pointless when he's purple and screaming. I feel really helpless when he's like that.

OP posts:

lifesjoys · 05/05/2017 09:29

My baby is 6 weeks and is like this, I'm adamant he doesn't particularly like me!

Unfortunately you just have to go with it & wait for it to get better.

My son cries all the time, he actually cried for 2 hours last night....I had checked everything to make sure & he was just crying for no apparent reason

OwlDoll · 05/05/2017 09:32

Goggle the fourth trimester

Dothbutternoparsnips · 05/05/2017 09:33

My dd screamed for the first 4 months. It was the most thoroughly miserable time and I was convinced she hated me. Now she is the most cuddly, loveable happy 4 year old.

Also my second hated being held. Because she was my second I put her down a lot as it was handy when the toddler was being demanding. She was about 7 months before she she liked a cuddle. Again now she loves cuddles.

It'll get better. Just get through the day.

AlbusPercival · 05/05/2017 09:44

Oh bless you, if you can get to the sling library try and borrow a sling to cuddle him close abd free your arms?

Trb17 · 05/05/2017 10:18

I had a 'crier'.

DD cried from birth and barely stopped until she was a few months old.

I cried every day with her. Luckily I saw my doctor who was a lovely lady who'd suffered from PND herself so she gave me some mild anti-depressants for a short while "to get me through the rough bit" until things got better.

Any they did get better...

After a few months DD found her 'blankie' and it comforted her and she settled. She slept too.

Trust me, your crier holds no grudge against you. It's just the way he is and it will get much better.

Get as much help as you can and speak to your GP or HV to talk about how you're feeling. Get as much sleep as you can. Everything is worse without sleep and I promise it will help.

For some of us it's SO SO HARD at the start but I promise it does change and it will get much better soon

MollyHuaCha · 05/05/2017 10:31

Congratulations on your new baby . You sound like a really lovely mum, so caring. If DS had a difficult birth, maybe he is in pain from that - for instance, headaches from ventouse or something? You could possibly take yr concerns to the GP? They may recommend a couple of sessions with a chiropractor or something? Look after yourself too

angryladyboobs · 05/05/2017 10:40

Oh love, it gets better. I promise!!

He's only two weeks old. You need to get yourself out in the sun for a little while.

angryladyboobs · 05/05/2017 10:41

All he needs is cuddles and love.

Snuggle up with him and breathe in his scent whilst he sleeps on you. X

Original poster

sadmum2017 · 05/05/2017 10:50

I was worried that he wasn't sleeping enough in the daytime, and bad nights definitely follow on from him being overtired in the day. I let him sleep on me for an hour there and he has settled in his basket by some miracle. Thank you for replies. It's nice to hear everyone's experiences. After a long induced labour, I made little progress and had an EMCS in the middle of the night. We both developed infections and he was taken away to neonatal unit. I have serious concerns about the amount of pain he has already endured with blood tests, lumbar punctures and procedures. I'm full of guilt about that too and wonder if that's why he's unsettled now. Can babies get PTSD?? Everyone keeps telling me that's silly, but watching him being jagged and prodded was almost unbearable.

OP posts:

hungrywalrus · 05/05/2017 11:05

Your newborn has been taken out of a warm, dark and soft environment. I'd be upset too. Can you carry him in a sling with a hood to make it dark? My little chap loved hairdryer noises. We used to put it on the cool setting when changing him.

GreenGoblin0 · 05/05/2017 11:46

the first few weeks really are an emotional rollercoaster. if he's happy on the boob then let him be on the boob for as long as he wants or try to do skin to skin. let him sleep on you if that makes him happy
try singing to him when he is crying.

my baby is 4 weeks and was in neonatal and had 3 hourly heel prick tests for blood sugars and a gastric tube
it's really traumatic seeing your baby in that situation and it does take time to get over it.

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/05/2017 13:46

Please don't worry about the time in SCBU, both my children had a week in SCBU before coming home. Very similar circumstances to what you describe with lumbar punctures and so on. There is no long term effect of it, no PTSD or anything like that at all. Both of them are completely fine and normal babies.

Your baby is really tiny still, only just born and having been poorly at birth too. At 2 weeks old they really don't need playing with or lots of interaction. They need lots of cuddles, skin to skin, and not much else. I had a stretchy sling that I used in the early weeks, just to keep them close - neither of mine liked being put down.

There is no need to feel guilty, nothing that happened was your fault at all. These things just happen sometimes, no blame needed.

GuinessPunch · 05/05/2017 13:49

How about a cranial osteopath if you feel like its related to birth?

I also have a crier and from 5 to 11 weeks he was unhappy. He had reflux and since then has been much better. I put him in the sling now as he always wants to be held.
I even wrote a post as I felt like a terrible mother because he was so unhappy.

Notadacrefan · 05/05/2017 14:01

I had one of these. Everything was so stressful for him, and consequently for me. I thought I was doing it all wrong. Especially hard if it's your first child like this.

If I could go back again I would get a fabric sling and plan a few weeks of snuggles and television/books/ walks if you fancy.

I also recommend meals you can eat with one hand like stuffed pasta.

It will pass. He will sleep in his cot in the end. He will settle down.

Good luck.

JustMystified · 05/05/2017 14:08

Poor little mite, poor both of you! What a horrible start. I didn't have a good start with my first either, and get like this alien had landed and I couldn't do anything to make him comfortable or settled. He had a forceps delivery where, I know you not, I was shove so hard up the bed that they had to grab my legs and pull me back down who're reinserting forceps again. His little face was purple and red with bruises, all over his cheeks and scale and chin. He must've been in pain but no painkillers could be offered and I couldn't prise him off the breast for even a pee. They were dark days. I didn't enjoy it at all, and he was like your baby, hated bath or nappy changing or just getting dressed and undressed in general.

Looking back I wish I had enjoyed it, but I have memories of his silent reflux causing untold heartache and sleepless days as well as nights. I remember playing "you are my sunshine" and trying to sing it to him as he screamed on the changing mat, and me dripping tears into his bare belly. Not at all the memories I wanted to make! But do hang in there, he's now a most delightful little person and I love him with all my heart. It's worth it in the end. It's just hard to get through as it tricks you into thinking it will always be this way. I promise you it won't!

JustMystified · 05/05/2017 14:10

It helps a bit to introduce dummies at a month - we were told to wait a month so breastfeeding could be established.

With my second I gave a dummy straight away and he managed to breastfeed ok, but I was taking a risk I do know .

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