My newborn is miserable.

[sadmum2017]

We have a 2 week old DS. We have only been home a week due to both DS and I being unwell (long story, terrible birth, EMCS). I'm finding it much harder than I anticipated to be a mum. My baby seems miserable and all he does is cry and grumble. He's BF and all seems to be well in that department. But he screams at every nappy change, he screams if we try and play or interact. I just feel that he doesn't like/want me. It upsets me to hear him cry, I can't explain it well, but I usually end up crying too. I've cried every day since we got home and I'm dreading my wonderful DH going back to work. Im just not very good at this. Will it get better?

I could've written this post a few weeks ago. I know when people says it gets better it often doesn't feel like it. My baby would (and mostly still does) scream and cry having her nappy changed as well and seemed miserable. I'd often look at her and feel awful that she looked so sad. I'm a new mum and didn't know if this was usual or if I was doing something wrong. She is now 8 weeks old and I've seen a huge change in her in just the last week. She's now happily sitting in her bouncy chair having a great time, she's smiling and our bond feels like it's really there now! She just seems much more contented
I found getting out really helped as she falls asleep in her pram and it got me out and about and feeling productive. Also getting along to local baby groups was great as well just yo talk to others. Honestly, it goes get better.

Also, if you have a maternity ball or exercise ball, try bouncing up and down on it whilst holding baby. It often calms them down.

Please keep an eye on your mental health. I was very traumatised after my first baby and that manifested as severe anxiety and, well, general misery and joylessness.

You sound really low and that's understandable. Things do get better with time (and more sleep) but if you feel awful all the time, do seek help.

Please try not to feel guilty about the things he's already been through. Non of it was your fault and it was all done to ensure he was getting better.

Please believe me. I went through the same thing and I pushed my daughter away out of fear. She was 3 months old and I'd had 1.5 months of counselling before I felt like I could be a Mum. Believing it was my fault and believing she was miserable.

Hope you're feeling better ❤

You have my sympathies...DD is 10 weeks and has two modes; sleep and cry. Some days are better than others but it's so hard...white noise is very effective though. If she's screaming it always quietens her down. I also persevered to get her to take a dummy (she didn't like it at first). Anything to soothe her. I've found HV and GP to be quite unhelpful. She's bf and thriving (75th centile) and doesn't vomit so reflux has been ruled out. Been told just to bide my time...

I had exactly the same - I couldn't imagine him ever not crying!! I promise you it does get better!! We're at 4 months now. Ds can still be a handful but he smiles and laughs every day and the crying is so much more manageable. It seems far off but around 7 weeks was a turning point for us. I know exactly how you feel - I cried every day for about 2 month! It WILL improve I promise! A book called "the happiest baby on the block" helped me.

Heather my baby went from 25th centile at birth to 75th. The reflux medication helped him so much. Different child almost.

I found putting mine in a stretchy sling close to me and getting on with daily life a godsend. They are close and snuggled up and it's like being in the womb as it's just normal life.

Sounds awful but I talked to her as I did in the womb.

Those first few months are so hard. I remember crying and wondering if I would ever have a life again. And wondering if she would be better off without me. Do make sure you talk to people. Good luck. It isn't forever. You're doing a grand job.

Bless you, it so hard having a tiny baby to care for especially if it's your first. I had twins who were born at 31 weeks and were in scbu for 5 weeks and when got them home all they did was cry a lot and I remember telling my mum that i was scared that I was doing it all wrong. It's really tough, he is still so tiny, but what saved me from going round the bend was getting out to baby groups and finding that you are not alone. There are mums in the same boat and it's good to chat above the screams!

Google the fourth trimester. Get a sling. Know that this is normal. Don't take it personally. DS was this baby. Someone commented that he didn't look like he was ready to be out. Turns out that's a thing (4th trimester). Babies don't even know they are out, let alone enjoy it. Play not needed. Just cuddles/carries/milk/clean/safe is all really.

It's a personality trait for him though. He hates change. I changed some photos in some frames over the weekend and he keeps telling me he liked the old ones better. The biggest change we ever experienced must have been terrible for him.

Have you tried giving a dummy?

Dummies are AMAZING things

I was also going to suggest a cranial osteopath. If you're anywhere near South London I can recommend a very experienced one. Sometimes babies can have something 'kinked' very subtly, which makes them uncomfortable.

Hold her (skin-to-skin if possible) as much as you can; even if she doesn't stop crying, she will feel 100% better crying in your arms, with your voice consoling her, than she would if she was crying alone in a Moses basket.

Having said that, if you need to take a break, lock yourself in the bathroom and run the taps for a minute so you can't hear crying. Splash your face with cold water, breathe deeply and then go and give her another cuddle. There's no one she needs and loves more than you right now.

It can be really tough at the beginning, but it will get easier each day. We promise!

The first 7 weeks of our daughters life (She's now 15 weeks) were hell. She screamed and screamed literally day and night. She couldn't be put down, had to be on one of us all the time. We were a wreck. She suffered badly with reflux and finally got given medication at 7 weeks old. Now is like a different baby.

The early weeks are tough. Really tough but they do get better. Baby just needs food, clean nappy, clothes and lots of cuddles and love.

Have you tried swaddling, it helps with some babies.

Sorry for the absence, it's been a busy week!

Things are a little better. I have noticed that he has spells of 'awake and content' time. Where we can play on his mat or have tummy time. He is feeding every 1.5 to 2 hours during the day, but only wakes twice in the night generally. He's gaining weight so HV happy for him to decide when he wants fed in the night. I'm still feeling low, and I have times when I feel very trapped. It's horrible to admit that, because I should be over the moon that I have a healthy baby. Swaddling him has helped, but equally he loves to suck his hand and sleep with his arms above his head so we're having to judge when is best for both methods!

Thank you for all the support. It's lovely to know I'm not alone.

DD HATED being naked as a newborn - it makes them feel vulnerable

My only advice is - if it's not time for a feed, baby is in a clean nappy and the weather is good - get outside with the Pram.
It saved my sanity - it meant I wasn't sat holding DD continuously- if we were moving she was content. It also meant she would sleep for much longer periods than in the house and meant she was much happier in general.

Newborns are more like animals - expect animal responses (fight/flight) rather than any interaction at this point. All mine hated being changed/washed/messed about with at that age. You are doing brilliantly with the feeding and this will likely build on the bond between you as time goes on. The vast majority of people find life in the early weeks with their first baby absolutely shit, many people lie about this and put a load of crap on Instagram.

After 4-6 weeks you should see some improvement in your mood and him being more settled (might take til after 6 weeks if cluster feeding!). If you start feeling worse be open with HV about your feelings. Remember you are still recovering from what sounds like a really difficult birth, any other emergency operation and you'd have people looking after you, instead you have to look after someone else who gives you nothing back .

We have been out with the pram a few times, and once I actually built up the courage to get organised and get out of the house with the pram, a clean fed baby and two dogs, it was lovely

My DH is amazing. He is so patient with both DS and me. I have NO BLOODY CLUE how women do this alone. I am in awe of single mums.

We have tried expressing and offering baby a bottle from dad. He did take it but it wasn't pleasant and I felt very guilty. Will this improve? Should I persevere or is it likely that DS won't ever do well with bottles? He is 91st percentile for weight (10lb baby) so I feel like I need to make sure he's getting enough, so pumping like mad to make sure I have enough to satisfy him.