Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

"It's very embarassing at the golf club, I'm the only one whose daughter-in-law works";

"This milk tastes peculiar - is it HRT?";

and the best one (with reference to her elder son leaving his wife, also very embarassing at the golf club, I'm sure:

"I don't understand it, I mean, X and I, we're both in or seventies, but we still have ... errrrm ... intimate relations."

Bless. She's a poppet really.

hehe at hrt!

my mil phoned this morning. do we want to come over sunday for dinner.
me: oh yes it's mother's day isn't it?
her: oh is it?
her: perhaps while you're here, you can do my lawn for me (not dp do it, me!)

My MIL is actually lovely, but she has some stock phrases that you can predict she'll say.
If she's ever ill she will stand with her hand in front of her mouth and say "don't come near me, if you get this it'll kill you!"

And the one that I love "I never made my kids eat anything they didn't want to eat" yes, which is why my DH is a 41 year old man who wouldn't eat any vegetables when I met him (at 35!)

And it's not something she say but if we go over for a roast dinner she will put the vegetables onto boil 3 hours before dinner! (Probably explains the above)

And I always get "are you feeding him properly?" he can bloody well feed himself actually!

I like her though, and her comments are usually just funny, especially their predictability!

My MIL referred to me as a 'strumpet'.
I rather like the word.

not baby related but one christmas she gave me my present and I said - 'oh it's the same as the on you are wearing?' (but different colour) It was a tshirt type top she said 'yes they were BOGOF so I kept the free one!' - or did I have the free one?

Some classics here... My MIL, who doesn't speak English and sometimes thinks I can't understand what she says, in reference to my ginormous pregnancy boobs, "She'll have no problems feeding that baby."
Before DD was born, when DP moved from abroad to be with my, she commandeered his dining room chairs, "so the grandchildren will have somewhere to sit". No pressure there then... my unfertilised eggs had somewhere to sit!

MIL quite sensible

FIL is the buffoon

not baby related but this weekend he did say "we have much better chinese food than the chinese do"

My MIL is lovely but she does come out with some classics.

When DS was a week old she stayed over and noticed that I seemed to be awake a lot of the night feeding DS, changing him etc. She asked "Are you sure that's normal for him to be awake in the night like that?"

I said No it's not normal. I'm just keeping him awake for the company really.

Yet she has 2 children of her own.

Northerner I've just read about your MILs dry vag.....bleeeuuughhhhh...

DS?s father and I are no longer together so I don?t have to put up with EMIL anymore thankfully .

Had the normal corkers re BF?ing ?
Shouldn?t he be on the other side by now (10 min into feed)

Surely you?re not feeding him again!! (4 hours after last feed)

You?re only doing that (bf?ing) so that he can?t ever be mine!! WTF ? she had some belief that she had to feed him for him to like her.

I should point out that EMIL had 3 children and didn?t BF any of them.

Told me when I was carrying him that I was carrying HER child ? he will always belong to her. ?He will want to live with me when he?s older ? and I will actively encourage it!!!? [barking]

But I think the best one was after finding out that we had done our Wills and appointed both our youngest sisters as guardians to DS should the worst happen -
?Oh good, that only leaves xx to fight for custody then?
(like hurry up and die will you!!)

If MIL doesn't agree with me she adopts a kind of squeaky voice and talks as if she's one of my children. EG:
I go to breastfeed DD - "I can't possibly be hungry I only fed an hour ago"

I take off DD's coat "oh no mummy I'm going to be cold now".

I try to give DD lunch after a nap - "I don't want to eat now mummy, give me a chance I've just woken up".

When I dared once to complain that DD2 bit me whilst breastfeeding ' oh well that's it, then, you'll have to stop feeding her now, she doesn't need it anymore does she'

To DD2 who likes to be held "you're spolit, you never get put down do you?" - then proceeds to let DD sleep in her arms all evening when babysitting rather than try to put her down to sleep!.

I do love MIL though, over the years I've come to realise that she's just another mum herself and I know she had enough to cope with in her day even if she just doesn't get the whole breastfeeding, co-sleeping thing.

My late MIL was the prophet of doom. This isn't as bad as the others but when ds1 was a baby he had some eczema on his face. MIL on several occasions said: "Oh no, how will he shave when he grows up?" Thank goodness the eczema was gone by the time he turned one! Her other classic was "Hasn't he a big head?" like he was deformed or something.

Valnben - reminds me how my own sister accused me of 'hogging' my baby cos I was always breastfeeding her!

"I'm not living in a council house for noone, I used to be somebody"
When faced with being homeless.

"My boys are not going to fight in Northern Ireland. No way Hose"
During a discussion about war. Her sons are not even in the forces FFS.

"We can't be in the same room as each other. The magic is still there. Can you feel it?"
About her ex h. They have been divorced for 20 yrs and he has been happily reamarried for 19 years.

"No I can't come and look after DS1 while you are in hospital, having DS2, as I promised I would, because my cat would have to stay home with my husband....." WTF? I am still pretty bitter about that one.

"I had five young children, and I still managed to keep my house tidy and clean for my husband" - She walked out on her 5 kids when the youngest was 5, and if she has ever had a clean and tidy home, DH doesn't remember it!

Why do I always have to open the MIL threads? I only end up getting cross with her all over again!

Too many to remember but my personal favourite (when she was pushing for potty training- all hers potty tained by 8m or something!)
'I'm sure you would find it easier to pedal that trike without a nappy on' !!!!!!WHAT!!

mil is fab, my mother on the other hand comes out with some priceless stuff. Recently-"I love my dog as much as you love your children" WTF from a non-parent the comment is understandable-now at least I know where I stand in the hierarchy!

What is it with these people Jenkeywoo??

Unfortunately EMIL had to prove the point by persuading me and now xp to go out leaving DS (5 weeks old) with her ( away less than 1 hour. Had just fed DS)
On arriving back home ?

EMIL ?you?re son (glad he?s mine again) was absolutely starving. He?s just taken a whole 4oz of formula ? told you you weren?t giving him enough?

(I was given a couple of ready made formula cartons by the HV in case I had milk probs ? lived miles from nearest shops- DS was born by CS, so couldn?t drive for a few weeks ? DP worked away so was on my own most of the week ? she was trying to be helpful ? I?d just shoved them in the cupboard and forgot about them - bottle came with the breast pump)

Me: ?erm, what formula? How did you give him it??

EMIL ?The carton in the cupboard. With the bottle in the cupboard ? how else??

Me: ?oh, you mean the un sterile bottle that came with the breast pump??

EMIL ?eh? ? oh how was I supposed to know you hadn?t got round to sterilizing it yet? I used to just put them in the cupboard?

Me ?well, it?s not sterile?let?s just hope he doesn?t get a stomach upset now?

EMIL went on and on and on about not knowing, how could she etc?.don?t know how I managed to keep quite or my hands off her!!

I too love my MIL but I think it may due to Stockholm Syndrome.

The old trout has always been snidey for whatever reason and I'm the one she gets 'on' with too!

'But to put that amount of weight on' as DD had gained over a lb in three weeks only minutes after arriving to 'help'me for a week after emergency CS ( I didn't need it - thought it would be nice for her to stay)

In baby voice to screaming dd she was holding
'your not hungry, you have just been feed' (another visit)

em, she was, she was cluster feeding - did the biatch hand her over? - no. I sat and with my head in my hands in the toilet.

'Is it feed time already?' ......this was a snidey rhetorical question. (another visit)

'Does she really need it' when I am about to put dummy in
'Your floor is dirty'
'Yes ,the way they are hanging down', when I made an 'oof' sound when dd kicked my boobs when I changed her on the sofa. She thinks I am too fat you see but that is a whole other thread.

Also had to listen to her stupid rubbish like putting a rusk in a bottle etc after I'm sitting stewing about her comments about my actually very successfull bf.

I could go on!

Mine used to ask "Why do you sleep together when you don't want children yet?" She said she onlyt had sex three time, it is actually quite believable!

My DH says his mum told him there was always a room for him at home. This was after we had moved in together and got engaged.

36 hours after i had given birth to my 3rd child she said:
" I thought your belly would have went down by now" !!!
and even more!

MIL always thought that I was never going to be able to look after her son and used to ring to check that I had cooked him something to eat everynight.

After having an ectopic and having to have emergency surgery at 7 weeks rang me 3 days later and asked if "I had got over my little mishap yet"

good thread!!

mine include "oh I would never wake a toddler from his daytime nap" - yeah like you'll be up till 11pm with him tonight!!

"I hope your next baby is a girl, I'm surrounded by boys" (I have 2 boys, she has a daughter still at home )

general tutting when I asked to keep the sweets till after lunch........

will be loads more, can't think....

my mil's comment when she found i intended to bf was

"i don't think breastfeeding is necessary, or natural for that matter"

to be honest i thought it was such an ignorant and laughable comment that i could not even be arsed to be cross!

her racist/homophobic comments continually made in front of the dc's do antagonise me but now ds is 12 he will often 'politely but vocally' disagree with her when she says things like this, so i suppose in some ways being exposed to her prejudice may have done him some good!