Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

[whywhywhy]

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

[whywhywhy]

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

[edam]

Some real shockers here. But don't understand ejt's objection to ''Thank you for giving me another baby to cuddle'. Sounds like a nice thing to say.

[steinermum]

It's always FIL with me.

1. After DS2: You're too old to have any more children (I was 35), he'd better have a vasectomy

1. How's Cruella? (because I limit the kids TV)

1. Why don't you iron his shirts? MIL still managed to when the kids were small

1. Sprayed evil-smelling flyspray all round my kitchen without asking me

DH tells me FIL really likes me though !!!!!!!

[tinkerbellhadpiles]

Some little beauties from my MiL (she's 80 and barking bless!)

(1) If you learn one thing from me, learn this - never give kids fruit and vegetables. They hate them and it's really cruel to give kids things they hate.

(2) I used to pop a bit of whisky in their bottles each night to help them sleep.
(That'll explain the rampant alcoholism.)

(3) If they can't sleep, give them some morphine and Kaoline, that'll calm them down
(umm calm them down or sedate them?)

(4) Do you really need to breast feed her so often?
(BF a ten week old on demand)

(5) Of course, it's different now, you have more help than I did!
(she had a housekeeper who did all the housework and a nanny. I have a cat).

(6) You are making a rod for your own back if you make her reliant on you.
(for refusing to let her scream with terror at being left with people she didn't know).

Oh I feel better now.

[BarbieLovesKen]

"isnt it shocking what happened to the poor people in tsunami?!"

She brought 12 people to our house 4 days after having dd and since I was little quiet and tired looking (eh obviously) she "whispers" (very loudly), to her b*h daughter, about a foot away from me... DONT MIND HER SHE MUST HAVE THE DEPRESSION...
(thankfully I didnt.. just a bit sleepy and had 12 visitors, just gave birth)

When dd was 5 weeks old... you should break a biscuit up into a bottle of milk for her and give it to her before bed, she'll sleep all night....

What do you say? she is without a doubt, the stupidest woman I have ever met..

[octopussyintummy]

No sorry - its called tsunamia (mum at local playgroup)

[Sakura]

"Hahahhahahahaha"...
(WHen I told her I thought a car-seat would be necessary)

[PeckaRolloverAgain]

I came out of hospital on New Years Eve just gone after having surgery for ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage. I was very sore, swollen and of course very, very sad.

MY MIL rang me, no hello how are you feeling but "I was wondering if you have had the chance to get DH some snacks for tonight"

ERrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr NO!

[maisym]

bump!

[octopussyintummy]

My MIL has just bought my ds's pyjamas - very htoughtful and kind - ds 1 is 5 and ds2 is 3 - the pyjamas are age 8-9 and 6-7 - said they'll grow into them - yeah in 3 years!

[nogoes]

Oh I have just remembered another. MIL - "you really ought to start giving ds some jars of food rather than that homecooked food, Cow & Gate have been making food longer than you have and it is much more nutritious. IF you keep feeding him healthy food you will turn him into a fussy eater and he won't want to eat normal food. Wtf?

[Hassled]

Re the fact that DS3 and DS4 have Dyspraxia and Verbal Dyspraxia respectively, my MIL-to-be said "But you were well into your thirties when you had them, weren't you?"
I wanted to make some reference to her in-bred Suffolk genes being more likely to be responsible, but managed to control myself.

[Sherbert37]

We have a recurring problem with MIL which is acutally quite sinister. She is determined that DD, age 12, will come to no good (drink, drugs, teenage pregnancy etc etc). Said to DP again yesterday "You will need to watch that one". This follows on from similar comments such as when DD was 8 and looked lovely on Christmas Day in her new dress. I just can't understand how she could be so horrible about her only granddaughter who is just so 'normal'. DP was really cross yesterday and asked her what she meant by her comments, but she doesn't elaborate. It is as if MIL is willing DD to go off the rails. Never says anything similar about our boys though.

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

in reference to ds1, who was 8weeks old at the time:

if you pick him up all the time he will rule you. you are making a rod for your own back.

in ref to ds1 who was being breastfed:

you must give him some water, sterilise a bottle now and give him some. you'll be up the hospital with him next on a drip.

in ref to both ds' at some point, last week i think towards ds2 who is 6m:

see? he is getting sneaky already. he gets worked up and starts coughing because he knows if he sounds like he is choking you will go to him.

in ref to my cloth nappying addiction:

it is quite a filthy way to do things isn't it? i mean we only did it beacuse we had to.


she is such a twat, im sorry. she drives me up the wall and back again. she is coming tonight so i have to clean this bloody place up for her arrival.

[Twinkie1]

Boring women have immaculate homes was a fave of my xmil - I said I don't mind being boring as long as I wasn't a dirty cow!! She even bought me a little plaque with it on - she was that dumb - it was supposed to be ironic I expalined to her - it was supposed to be in a dirty home but she may have been exciting but thick as shit!!

[claricebean]

Not really in the same vein, but amusing non the less, MIL (who is German) to her grown up German nieces, while we were talking about baby names: You don't really here the name Adolf much nowadays, do you?

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

oooh,ive got a corking birth one, i will never forgive her for:



mil: you mean to tell me 'that baby' has been born for over 9 hours and you are just calling me now?!

dh: um, yes. we thought LotF was going to blled to death or have to have hysterectomy straight away. i didnt want to leave her. it was more important to stay with her and tell you later.

mil: well, we obviously have VERY different ideas about what is important, don't we?





and then there was the time when she shunned my kids for 3 months beacuse we were late to bil's boxing day party......

if i start, i'll never stop. she is very strange indeed.

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

meant to be a not a bloody !!!

[octopussyintummy]

lotf

[rarrie]

My Ils aren't mean, just very thoughtless and a bit selfish...

When I had DD2 rcently, I had a pretty traumatic birth - 3rd degree tear, haemorrage etc and was kept in hospital for several days, whilst I was on the morphine. As a result, we didn't have visitors to the hospital. I checked myself out after 3 days, and we then said that my ILs could come over to see the baby for the first time.

FIL refused to come as he had to go to his gardening club. MIL cam over, and only I was there, so I offerred her a cup of tea (thinking she'd say she'd make it ) out of politeness, to which she replied 'ooh yes if you're putting the kettle on'.. and left me to run round after her (despite still being on very strong painkillers!) whilst she ignored me and cooed over the baby!

[manuka]

Ladyoftheflowers I know its not funny at all in fact its horrific but the way you say it is hilarious!! What a scary mil!!!

[whywhywhy]

god some of these are awful!! esp Sherbert's and LOTF's...
LOTF I have to say you are an angel to let your mil back in your house after all those corkers.
(I have also had the 'water!! give him some water now!!! one during the 2003 heatwave when ds1 was a week old. She marched up the stairs yelling at us then sulked for 2 hours because dh said 'mum that's not helpful'. What is it with women of a certain age and boiled water???)

[northerner]

"Oh well it's not the end of the world I suppose if you have to have a baby in that house"

She often referred to our old house as a shanty back.

To SIL who liked a house we were viewing with MIL, one that I didn't like "Ooh, I knew you'd like it, you see you've got class"

"I know just how you feel. I've aborted 2" To me in the hospital whilst having a miscarriage.

"I don't have sex anymore. DP has a terrible withered leg and I have a dry vagina"

[mouseman]

In front of 5 year old dd, my mil said, very loudly, 'so, does dd still believe in Father Christmas then?' - I could have killed her!