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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you as the parent get sensory overload?

33 replies

Misty9 · 10/04/2017 08:59

Two DC aged 3 and 5 and the silliness they get into drives me crazy. They wind each other up to a state of frenzy and just can't calm down when necessary. Older DC in particular gets 'stuck' on saying the same thing over and over again. Dh thinks we need to respond differently but I feel like I get sensory overload and just can't deal with the noise for long.

Anyone else ever feel like this? I've never liked noise and was terrified of hoover etc as a baby apparently. But kids are noisy so how do I cope?!

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overwroughtowl · 10/04/2017 09:08

Yes. Between the constant noise and feeling 'touched out' by the end of the day. It's the thing I struggle with most as a parent and I'm a lp for all up to me. Would your dh take them out every so often to give you a break?

I'm an introvert and need time and space to myself to recharge so I usually sit up far too late to get that time.

No advise as mine are now a bit older (9 and 4) so I can chuck them out in the garden or let them on their tablet for half an hour for peace now. The oldest goes to clubs during the week too leaving youngest with me, one on their own is far quieter. Plus libraries are wonderful places as they know they can't make a racket there I do sympathise however.

Original poster

Misty9 · 10/04/2017 09:27

Ooh yes, one on their own is blissful! I too sit up far too.late to have 'my' time so that's interesting. We're on holiday at the moment so it's difficult to escape...dreading the summer holidays as I'll be unemployed by then!

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skankingpiglet · 10/04/2017 22:53

YY to struggling with the constant noise, feeling touched out, and staying up too late just to get some child-free time. My older child has just discovered 'why?', and the technique of repeat questioning until her victim parent cracks.

I recharge by sitting MN-ing (or similar) in silence with no TV etc. Before children I always had the TV on as background noise and company, now I finally get the attraction of those isolation flotation tank thingies: they sound like bliss if anyone knows anywhere that still has them, please let me know! I'll never have the TV on if I'm on my own these days.
I also enjoy car journeys where ideally the DCs are napping, but I'll settle for not screaming demands at me and Radio 4 turned up just loud enough to cover the constant chatter.
Mealtimes are a favourite time of day as I can almost guarantee at least 10mins of near-perfect silence, chomping and 'mmm' sounds aside.
At the weekends we divide and conquer the DCs (9.5mo and 2.10yo) for a few hours here and there, which isn't as nice as silence but provides at least some respite.

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Teabagtits · 10/04/2017 23:01

I do get sensory overload but I'm autistic so it's part of the joy of life.. oddly I can cope far better with family noise/movement etc than I can with strangers and events out of the house. Unless it's noisy eating and then I'm filled with rage wherever I am

SlipperyJack · 10/04/2017 23:06

@skankingpiglet - www.calm-water.co.uk

Bostin · 10/04/2017 23:08

Yes! Mine are older but I feel bad sometimes when I feel I just want some time without being sat on. If it's not the kids it's the cat. I do try to hide this from them though.
The other thing that gets my goat is not being able to complete a task without being interrupted. Again I try to be patient and not show it but I do ban them from my room when I am trying to get dressed. I never knew I had these issues until I had kids.

IDontWantToBuildASnowman · 11/04/2017 09:56

Another introvert here. The constant noise and neediness and touching of children has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I think my DD now 8 even senses this and feels less loved which kills me and I try so hard but I often just feel like I need to run away and scream if they don't back away. I only realised this about myself after having kids (obviously had a reasonable balance before and I am pretty confident and sociable so it never occurred to me that I was an introvert) and it has been a very hard lesson which caused PND in the early days. Getting easier as each year slips by and their independence grows though.

overwroughtowl · 11/04/2017 10:17

The sound of eating shudder. Much as I love him I cannot listen to ds eating fruit or veg (his favourite is raw carrot arghh) and have to walk out of the room. I've been like that since a teenager.

I had PND with both of mine Snowman but never associated it with how full on babies are. Interesting. I make no secret of the fact I dislike the baby stage though and prefer them when they become 'little people'

My bedroom is my sanctuary Bostin it's the only place that stays clean and tidy and make me feel calm. I buy myself fresh flowers for my room every couple of weeks I'm trying to raise my dc that they aren't allowed in there without permission during the day as it's my only space and they need to respect that as I do theirs. That's not unusual for me as I wasn't allowed into my parents room when I was younger. During the night is fine though, dd often climbs into bed beside me.

Anditstartsagain · 11/04/2017 10:22

I struggle with loads of noise it all gets too much but my kids seem to have got my quiet genes. When ds1 has friends over i realise what a quiet family we are, he has 2 friends in particular who are very loud and talk constantly one of them one of them squeals and crys if he doesnt get his own way i really dont think i could cope with it 24/7. Mine still chat/cry etc but at a much lower level.

skankingpiglet · 13/04/2017 09:50

Ooo thanks Slippery. A 2hr drive away for me, which would necessitate a full day out of the house to go and recharge

bingisthebest · 13/04/2017 20:37

I think this may be the hardest part of parenting for me. The constant demands. I have 3 very demanding loud and chatty children and I really feel like I need time without the constant questioning. No advice but sympathy and holding out for some advice myself.

BikeRunSki · 13/04/2017 20:39

Hell yeh!
I try and tell them (dc are 5 and 8 and constantly vying for my attention) that I can't hear either of them if they are both talking at once. Doesn't work mind.

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/04/2017 20:42

I feel like this a lot. There is just too much going on and I want to run and hide. Am so looking forward to the teenage years when they fuck off and leave me alone (although I'll probably then miss them)....

isthistoonosy · 13/04/2017 20:47

Yh I totally get this, and mine are only 2 and 3 so I assume it will only get worse!

We (me and OH) make sure we each get time away from the kids when possible at the weekends even if its 2 min, it an make a difference, and sharing the other jobs so one watches the kids while the other does housework, gardening etc for 10 or 20 min at the weekends and switching throughout the day.

Also we have built calm times into the day so a tea break for a warm milk, and a snack - at the table sat down and chatting but no screaming etc, or an ice cream (frozen yogurt) which has to be eaten sat down.

We also have a general rule of no arguing about things, toys etc - share, compromise or lose it.

Honestly without these things I would go crazy.

SlipperyJack · 14/04/2017 08:12

I confess to occasionally, when my two are really blethering at me, putting on the ear defenders that I bought for Bonfire Night. Too much input!

Original poster

Misty9 · 14/04/2017 08:28

I've got the flight home with the little darlings sat next to me today (dh did the outward flight) - wish me luck!

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Ecureuil · 14/04/2017 08:34

It's the touching rather than the noise for me, I can't sit down without being sat on/pounced on/feet being put on me/bashed into as they run past. I want to build a glass wall around myself!!

Frouby · 14/04/2017 08:46

Me!

Dd is like me and likes her own space and quiet time. Ds is like dp. Very tactile and likes to be centre of my attention. Constant chatter and noise and if he can't think of anything to say he tells me a story.

He is adorable. Full of imagination and cuddles and affection. But sometimes I just want to hide.

And when he is in bed dp wants attention and cuddles and affection.

I stay up late with my kindle sometimes with the news on really low just to get quiet time with no one cuddling up to me. Then the bastarding dog comes and lays next to me. But she is quiet at least.

EsmesBees · 14/04/2017 08:46

Another introvert with a toddler here who feels exactly the same. I love her to bits but it's the relentless noise and touching that get to me. And the repetition. This is the main reason I enjoy working part time. I think I'd find it too intense to be home all the time. I do feel sorry for the cats these days though, I have much less patience when they want to crawl all over me than I did pre children.

Xmasbaby11 · 14/04/2017 08:52

I feel the same. Dc are 3 and 5. The constant noise and mess! I'm extrovert but still find it too much. Dd1 talks so much and repeats herself if she runs out of things to say. Plus she doesn't develop conversations so it can be very frustrating. It is the hardest part of parenting, which I didn't expect tbh.

jimijack · 14/04/2017 09:08

To crave silence and the luxury of quiet and peace is something I never ever considered.

I knew about the sleep deprivation, had not thought about the constant noise of voices, shouting, banging of things, feet/shoes/wellies on wooden floors.
The sound that a full pelt tantrum brings is truly unique and one alone.

I enjoy work, it is my calm and quiet time. I work up to 60 hours a week such is my craving for calm & quiet. It means I cope better with the overload in smaller chunks of time.

yomellamoHelly · 14/04/2017 09:19

Yep! And then I feel guilty when they realise I've tuned out to whatever they're saying / doing. Fantasise about them being much older .....

Original poster

Misty9 · 14/04/2017 09:21

jimi our holiday apartment has had wooden floors and it's driven me potty all the stomping around! Can young children walk quietly? Can they heck! Mind you, neither could the other occupants of the building!

Those of you saying work is your saviour, nooo! My contract finishes in 3 weeks and I've nothing else lined up. I'm going to go crazy aren't I?

OP posts:

overwroughtowl · 14/04/2017 09:35

My dp is very tactile Frouby and at times I cringe and find it wearing. I deal with chronic pain every day. Between that, my dc constantly over the top of me and fighting who gets to sit beside me (which means lean right on me). When dp starts too once they go to bed, I inwardly get impatient and just want to be left alone for an hour. Never say anything mind and I feel terrible for feeling it.

I do meditation which helps a bit.

Good luck with the flight Misty. later?

graysquirrel · 15/04/2017 00:17

Thank you OP. I've been suffering with this for a few years now and keep telling myself I'm a bad mum for it, had PND in the early days too, never thought they could be linked until now.
Sometimes wondwr why can't I just embrace the chaos and live in the moment?
The other day I took my 2 DD on a mountain walk and as they were running, laughing, climbing on logs I just embraced the silence of the woods as their noise got lost a bit in it.
It was bliss.

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