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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving baby and know she will wake up.

39 replies

Ironwoman123 · 24/03/2017 23:19

6 month old DD EBF refuses a bottle. Haven't left her with anyone before.

BIL is having a 30th party tomorrow. My sister wants me to go and doesn't care or understand about my situation. She tells me to stop being so over protective and to give DD a bottle. She will be openly upset if I don't go.

I agreed to go but DD was sleeping through til 2am. For the last week she's woke up consistently between 9:30-11:30.

Most likely she will wake up and I'm doubtful she will go back to sleep without me feeding her but I don't know as no one has tried before. But I really doubt it.

Party is 10 miles away and a 25 minute drive.

Do I go even though I know she might wake up and that I don't want to leave her crying for 2 minutes never mind 30

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FoxesSitOnBoxes · 24/03/2017 23:21

I wouldn't have gone. BIL's 30th is no big deal

justanotheryoungmother · 24/03/2017 23:23

Assuming she's not going with you, who's looking after her? I wouldn't be surprised if you get at call to come back to feed if she won't take the bottle so be prepared for that and let whoever is looking after her know she may do so.

Why is your sister being like this?

MrsA2015 · 24/03/2017 23:23

How ridiculous. Sod your sister and what she wants and do what you want to do! If your baby is ebf and won't take a bottle you can't expect it to happen in 1 night without you there to even comfort her. Can't you go during the day and have a nice time then?

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amysmummy12345 · 24/03/2017 23:23

I'd either go with baby or not at all.

Original poster

Ironwoman123 · 24/03/2017 23:34

It's a birthday party in a hall starting at 7:30 til midnight. It wouldn't be possible to take her as she'd be tired and grumpy and will have loud music.

It's not just my sister. None of my family understand breastfeeding. They say if she's hungry enough,she'll eat.

It wasn't really an issue as I could rely on her sleeping til 2am but for that last week she's been really unsettled and waking every couple of hours.

I'll probably need to fake an illness otherwise they will all be moaning about me behind my back.

My mum is supposed to be babysitting.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ironwoman123 · 24/03/2017 23:35

I was going to drive and not drink so I could easily come home but just the thought of being 30 mins away makes me anxious.

OP posts:

Longji · 24/03/2017 23:36

Even if she doesn't wake up, you aren't going to enjoy yourself as you'll be worrying. I'd stay at home.

ImperialBlether · 24/03/2017 23:39

I'd go for the first hour and then leave.

FourToTheFloor · 24/03/2017 23:46

Well isn't your dm in for a surprise when the hugry baby won't take the bottle.

As Imperial says, go for an hour or two if you want then come home.

Personally I couldn't have been arsed when my dc were that age. I went into survival mode and that meant doing what ever I needed to get through.

Isadora2007 · 24/03/2017 23:49

Go for first hour and leave. She might not even notice... just bluff it out and say you left later than you did.
I get it.

Mysterycat23 · 24/03/2017 23:53

Wtf has breastfeeding got to do with it, that is a massive red herring. What it boils down to is a total disrespect for your own parenting decisions.

If you don't want to leave your baby, don't. LO won't be this age for ever. DSis should show some respect for your parenting choices.

isupposeitsverynice · 24/03/2017 23:54

I'd go for a bit, I think. If your baby was six weeks I'd say stay home by all means, but at six months and only half an hour away, I think it's worth making the effort for family relations. You don't have to stay all night, your mum will be able to keep the baby content for a little bit without feeding her. You can be home by ten, and sister and baby will be happy and so will you for knowing it was all alright.

AmoIsNoLongerEmo · 24/03/2017 23:57

Do you have any pumped milk? Your mum can try spoon feeding or put it in a syringe to feed her maybe try it tonight and see if she accepts that?

Waddlelikeapenguin · 25/03/2017 00:01

I wouldn't go unless I took baby with me. You're not going to enjoy yourself.
Do you trust that your mum will call you if baby is upset?

DancingLedge · 25/03/2017 00:23

Go for an hour, just to keep family peace? And then the sitter phones and , sadly, you have to leave?

Or, better, if they can't be added respecting that going to the party would be difficult and uncomfortable for you, sod 'em, they don't deserve you. Nobody should be telling you what to do about your baby.

BettyBaggins · 25/03/2017 00:25

Go for an hour or 2.

HiMyNameIsUnknown · 25/03/2017 03:06

Your DS is being unreasonable. Why is she so focused on your attendance yet happy for DM not to attend to babysit? I think it's all very odd.

Your baby & your decision. However unless you're confident your DC will feed somehow 30 mins is a long travel time. However it may demonstrate to your DM not all babies will take a bottle

Original poster

Ironwoman123 · 25/03/2017 04:50

Thanks all.

My mum isn't going as my dad and his wife are going and unfortunately they don't get on so she wouldn't be there regardless of babysitting or not.

I think I'll go for an hour and pretend I've been called to come home.

And despite everyone knowing she refuses a bottle I am constantly asked to do things. It's as if they don't believe me or think it's as easy as if she's hungry she'll drink the bottle.

I mean every week or two she texts me to go nights out/dinner/gym. I'm constantly having to say "no sorry I can't". I feel like behind my back they're all rolling their eyes.

They say things like "I think people (I.e. Me) make their full world about their kids these days and it's not healthy."

And then one time my dad introduced me to someone & said "this is ironwoman, she's a mum & don't we all know it!"

So part of me wants to go just to shut them up a bit & to show I'm making the effort but I definitely don't want her crying so I'm only going for an hour.

If they're not happy with that then there's nothing more I can do.

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HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/03/2017 04:59

Ignore their criticising
They are being unreasonable and disrespectful
Parent your child as you think best, and let their criticisms roll off your back
Don't compromise on your parenting to appease them
Even if you do go, I reckon they will criticise you for leaving early
So do go if you want to - but don't do it reluctantly to try and satisfy them, because they won't be satisfied with a short appearance
Your child will be older soon and you will have more flexibility then

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 25/03/2017 05:34

Can you say that you are uncomfortable/ leaking. Then it isn't about your baby it's about you. As a side note have you tried the Pantley Pull off technique. It takes time and patience but we found it helped to break the sleep-food association. Not that you need to leave your baby if you don't want to anyway, but gives you options. Takes a few weeks to manage on night time waking so not for the party.

Athrawes · 25/03/2017 05:42

Go until 9:30 and aim to be back by 10. Your baby will by then have had half an hour to demonstrate to her granny that you, mum, are right and that she, granny, is a daft old bat. Or baby will have looked around, realised that the bottle is all that is on offer and taken it. Probably the former but the latter is possible.

silkybear · 25/03/2017 05:45

I'm not sure why you would leave your baby to spend a moment with these arseholes, sounds like they will make bitchy comments even if you do make the effort to go. Stay at home, your baby needs you at this age. It won't be forever.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 25/03/2017 05:48

i think you need to accept that this isn't and never would have been "the event" that makes them respect you/your choices. It just would have been held over you for ages ("But whyyyyy can't you come out? You managed it for BIL's 30th")

So I would say do whatever you want tonight. And then afterwards think about ways to make the point to them that they're being arses. MN will help

passingthrough1 · 25/03/2017 10:13

I wouldn't go personally.

It's not about feeding her anyway - she doesn't NEED the milk for a few hours (bottle, syringe etc) it's presumably that she just needs to feed for 2 mins in order to soothe back to sleep. So they could try rocking I suppose or stroking her back but so you think she would just freak out if it was anyone but you? I know that some nights my DP can stroke my baby back to sleep for the first waking or two but other nights only I will do.
Only thing I can think of, which might be OTT... we wanted to go out for dinner once and took baby, breast fed to sleep in restaurant and put in pram and then pushed for a long walk home via pub and he stayed asleep because of the movement. So would it be possible to put the baby in the pram and your mother to push the pram for a few hours (?!) or just resume pushing if she stirs whilst you have a few hour sleep out?

Original poster

Ironwoman123 · 25/03/2017 10:13

Thanks all.

I've texted to say I probably won't be able to make it. No reply yet.

I feel awful and guilty but I don't know why. Feel like I'm going to get bad karma!

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