Leaving baby and know she will wake up.

[Ironwoman123]

6 month old DD EBF refuses a bottle. Haven't left her with anyone before.

BIL is having a 30th party tomorrow. My sister wants me to go and doesn't care or understand about my situation. She tells me to stop being so over protective and to give DD a bottle. She will be openly upset if I don't go.

I agreed to go but DD was sleeping through til 2am. For the last week she's woke up consistently between 9:30-11:30.

Most likely she will wake up and I'm doubtful she will go back to sleep without me feeding her but I don't know as no one has tried before. But I really doubt it.

Party is 10 miles away and a 25 minute drive.

Do I go even though I know she might wake up and that I don't want to leave her crying for 2 minutes never mind 30

Don't feel guilty. Of course life changes when you have a baby. Do you think they mean it in a nice way as in trying to get you out or are they just being arses? Sounds like probably the latter to me but only you can answer that.

I think asking me weekly to do things is in a nice sort of ignorant way. I'm glad in a way they're trying to keep me involved but it's just so depressing for me to continually say "no, sorry... the baby needs me".

But with the party I think she wants me there so she's got some family presence at the party which is fair enough and I do want to be there for her.

I've decided to go for an hour. Just because I'm about 80% sure baby will be ok until 9pm so I'll leave to go to the party straight away when the baby is in bed and come back an hour and a half later and that should be ok.

I feel like I should be putting the effort in even though the thought of getting all ready and travelling half hour each way is not the way I'd like to spend my Saturday night, it's only a one off and I'd feel better for it.

It's not just my sister btw, it's my other sister and my dad is the worst for it. He does not understand why I would even consider breastfeeding and being so responsibile solely for my baby.

He's the kind of parent who went out and still does every single weekend all three nights. We were constantly left with babysitters or alone in hotel rooms/the house. So he doesn't get it.

He booked a weekend away for my Christmas with the full family even though I'd told him about my bottle refuser. It's as if he doesn't believe it.

Anyway I had to bring my baby and my 5 year old as I couldn't leave him with a babysitter whilst the rest of the family were on "holiday".

Anyway the weekend was a boozy weekend in a city. Dinners were booked for waaay past my kids bedtimes. They wanted to go to kareoke bars. I'd be left in the corner trying to rock and settle and breastfeed my unsettled 4 month old to sleep whilst music blaring. We had to leave stressed and go back to a hotel room with the two kids alone.

Meanwhile my baby was and still is feeding multiple times a night. They just do not care/understand.

We spent the days alone whilst they were all hungover and getting ready for the next night out. It was ok as after the first night we just treated it as our family of 4 break away instead of being involved in the larger family circle.

But on this example there were constant comments that I should have got a babysitter... the babysitter isn't an issue it's my bottle refuser!! And multiple others like I'm making a rod for my own back and that baby needs to learn to be apart from me.

I'm in exactly the same position with my best friend's birthday in a couple of weeks. 6 month DS is ebf and won't bottle feed. Birthday do is nightclub in east London. I live in west London and obviously can't ... indulge... any more anyway. Plus it's too far etc etc. I'm the first in my group to have a baby, so nobody quite "gets" that leaving them at this age can be tricky.

Have said "sorry" and offered to make her dinner one night to celebrate.

If she has an issue with that, I'll be reminding her about it when she's got her first baby and is also in survival mode

Wow, that Christmas break really shows one thing: that you have one idea of being the parent of small kids ( a lovely one) and they have another (weird IMO) .

You're probably never going to change their opinions. Doesn't sound like they have the empathy or respect to stop telling you you're in the wrong.

So maybe try to accept what you can't change. For some bizarre reason they disapprove of your good parenting. So their opinion isn't really worth much here. Yes, it's painful being judged and disrespected by your own family. But just crack on doing things your way, cause they really are the odd ones here, not you.

Remember the MN mantras :
'No' is a sentence
'That doesn't work for me'

And if they criticise, just a calm, ' I make my own parenting decisions' . Don't defend, don't justify, don't explain.

Maybe on another occaision suggest a friendly alternative: "Thanks for invite, that wouldn't work for us, why don't you come round for a special tea party at ours next Sunday"

OP after your last updates I'm even more frustrated for you! God family sound horrid. There is a massive difference between keeping keeping you involved & making you feel inadequate for being unable to leave your baby! Some babies just refuse all bottles. I have friends who have spent a fortune trying out every bottle & teat on the market. One baby will accept being fed with a Calpol syringe but that's obviously very time consuming for a baby to take 8oz.

Do whatever you think is best. As others have said though it may make them put even more pressure on you to attend the next thing

I had a bottle refused so I understand. Your family sound bonkers !

However I agree that as someone said above.. at six months old your baby will be fine without milk. If granny can give cuddles etc then you aren't leaving her suffering. In fact without the smell of milk your baby might just go back to sleep without the feed.

So you could go for a couple of hours. But don't feel you have to !!

Fthanks. That's reassuring.

It's just that she's so attached to o me and I feel bad leaving her wondering where I am if she wakes up.

I'm on my way so that message has helped a bit!

I wouldn't care. The baby comes first..I hate all the 'she needs to be independent, learn to settle herself' etc. They are babies of course they need you.
I'm ebf as well and the comments I've had are ridiculous.

How did it go op?

She slept until half past midnight! I couldn't believe it. So I was there when she woke up.

I stayed for 2 hours as I was getting constant updates from my mum that she was fine.

Yet when I left my dad was moaning. I said as an excuse that she was teething so she was likely so be upset. He replied "well she'll be teething whether your there or not". I said I know but I don't like her to be upset without me. He scoffed . It's true, no matter what I do it's not appreciated.

Well done on being a better parent than your Dad will ever be

...And good news that she slept through. Hopefully it gives you confidence to go out again if you want to. On your own terms with nice supportive friends or DP

Great OP she slept through. You DD just doesn't get it