help on reins

[user1489487523]

hello.
I'm doing a sociology project on the use of reins. I used them with y own daughter and thought they were great.
I'm looking at how many parents use them, where demographically they are used most and if you didn't use them why not?
Please could you comment on this post, and let me know.

Many thanks

We had a Little Life backpack we used a bit when DS was first toddling outside as he was quite unsteady for a while and they helped stop him repeatedly falling over onto his face. We stopped using them as he became more steady and a bit taller making hand holding easier.

Probably my most strictly enforced parenting rule is that DS holds my hand if we are around traffic - so all pavements, car parks etc. He also has to hold my hand in shops, busy high streets, museums etc unless he's walking sensibly beside me, which is a rare thing as he is definitely possessed with the bolting spirit. It's bizarre as he is generally very physically cautious and extremely clingy. But give him the chance to run off into the distance without a backwards glance and he'll gleefully take it.

If we're on foot I am physically restraining him in some way most of the time - either holding his hand or if I need both hands at the till or to unlock the car I often have to hold him between my legs.

To be honest I don't really see any difference between me having the physicallly hold him back whilst holding hands or in a knee grip compared with having him on reins. It's still physical restraint isn't it?

I still use the buggy a fair bit and whilst that is sometimes because we need to walk further or faster than is realistic with a toddler it's also often used as a restraint - trips to the shops are much easier if he is in the buggy.

I've never understood the judgement about using reins, it seems no different to using a buggy or other direct physical restraint (carrying or hand holding) to me.

And yet I've got a set of reins in the house that I never use. I am honestly not sure why that is. Maybe I fear being judged?

(Based in London by the way).

So Schnitzel, as Goadyfish hasn't enlightened me, what magic method do you use with a 13mo that won't hold hands (or ends up a screaming boneless ball of fury if I try) that doesn't include reins or buggy?

Front or back pack, or picking up.

I'm actually not judging at all, they are just not used here and everyone seems to do OK as do most kids in other big cities.

I really only see them in the U.K. But I haven't travelled all over the world so obviously my opinion doesn't count for much on that part!

Do you mean sling? Nope. Ds will not be slung unfortunately. And picking up isn't always an option, especially if the child WANTS to walk.

Picking up for us is an under the arm dodging flailing limbs and gnashing teeth job unless the hill is steep and she is tired! Can start a walk in the sling but we get megagrump if we stop walking too soon. Front carries are not fun with a grumpy one either - I like having eyes!

Discipline possibilities are limited at 18 months...

This is excluding SEN issues of course to which I hold no judgement whatsoever

Of course, the problem with this sort of statement is that it's not obvious from a casual glance which toddlers on reins have SEN and which ones don't. And at toddler age, any SEN issues may well be as yet undiagnosed.

I liked reins for the relatively short time they are needed. Between when my kids were active and walking and until they were reliably predictable around traffic( particularly) I probably wouldn't have ever used them if I didn't live in a city.

They gave my kids a boundary that they could be active within. So they didn't have to be restricted passively in a buggy and could still have excercise and explore and learn the drill for crossing roads etc. Maybe some kids wouldn't have needed them but all kids are not the same and mine were boisterous, robust 90 miles an hour types. It was a safety compromise. And of course there were still times I used a buggy instead. ( all too big for slings at an early age )

Goldfish - I'm always shocked at the levels of judgemental hatred and angst reigns seem to inspire. demeaning? Symptomatic of wider social problems? Ineffective parenting?

No Goldfish - different parenting to you.

Goldfish, I have two children. One has severe special needs the other dosent. I used reins with both if them, it gave both if the excercise and a chance to learn road safety in a practical way, not by being strapped into a buggy which dies not teach road sense. My child with special needs used them for longer but the reason I used them on both children was the same one, to keep my children safe while they where learning.

Ive just remembered that the reins were kept some time after they were needed because DD liked playing horsey.

That is utter bullshit goldfishing. Are you normally this moronic?

Personally it was reading about nursemaid's elbow (dislocation of elbow when a child being handheld falls or pulls away sharply) that convinced me that reins were a safer choice. DS loves his littlelife backpack and the fact that he can carry his drink and snack in it, and I feel safer using the rein (in addition to handholding) on a busy road.

Goldfishing, I don't think it's safe to rely on the self-control of a child under 3 - before then they simply haven't developed the self control to restrain themselves from dashing off in pursuit of something interesting, regardless of parentally imposed consequences or lectures on road safety.

Goldfish - just remembered we used to sing horsey, horsey home we trot....as my DC trotted along in front on their reins. Very Little then. They Loved that.

Did I demean them?

I never used them with my Dd. She was happy to hold my hand and never ran off

I tried to use them with Ds but he created such a fuss over them I had to stop and put him back in his buggy and wait again until he was older

He now happily holds hands and walks nicely so no longer needs them

I'm not sure about your social analysis Goldfishing, I used them with DD1 from about 15-20 months as she couldn't be relied on to hold my hand and hated the pushchair. DD2 was born when DD1 was 20 months, which was around when we stopped using them for DD1 as she got better at road safety. Never used them with DD2, despite having two pre schoolers, as she's a hand holder and doesn't try and bolt.

I'm not sure about your social analysis Goldfishing, I used them with DD1 from about 15-20 months as she couldn't be relied on to hold my hand and hated the pushchair. DD2 was born when DD1 was 20 months, which was around when we stopped using them for DD1 as she got better at road safety. Never used them with DD2, despite having two pre schoolers, as she's a hand holder and doesn't try and bolt.

And taking of cop outs. Shoving your child in a buggy or sling when they can walk and want to walk. That's a cop out

Agreed.

Ok, so why is a buggy a cop out and not reins? That makes no sense to me. She is safe walking beside me, holding my hand, with a rein to grab for added security. Why should she be hindered by a buggy? Surely more of a cop out.

Sorry Op forgot to say - South Wales.

God, overthinking much? Buggy and reins are both tools to control movement of a small child who doesn't have much sense in order to keep them safe! Who cares what other people use?

I used harness reins with my daughter to keep her safe - she was walking very young - it allowed her hands to be free. I used a backpack and used reins to keep her in! I found pushing the pram or buggy caused my back problems to flare up. I am now lucky to be able to have my partner's granddaughter 3 days a week or more depending if the parents need more help. I'm happy to do things as they want but I wasn't willing to compromise on using a cot when she has sleepovers - we have 2 dogs - and using reins. I have back problems and am quite tall and find the bending very difficult. I rarely carry my granddaughter and only if needs must on the stairs at home. We do a lot of walking - in the park and along rivers and coastline. Her hands are free to explore. She will remind her grandfather she needs them on! We hold hands and the harness. People have stopped me and made negative comments about them. I prefer the harness to a wrist strap. I'm Edinburgh.

East Midlands - have never used them with mine. I have 4 - 7, 5, 3, 6 months. Genuinely don't understand the need for them for your average small child

@user1489487523 so is this helping your research?

A buggy isn't a cop out if you have limited time to get from A to B.

No a buggy isn't a cop out generally speaking. It is perfectly fine to use a buggy. Just as it is perfectly fine to use reins. Or just hold hands.

The cop out comment is connected to an idiot upthread who thinks reins are a cop out from teaching road safety and looks down on people who use them. That same person said their child would be put in a sling or buggy rather than use reins if the child could not be trusted to walk safely. So restraining them, rather than use reins to keep them safe if they are unable to walk near roads without bolting.
That is a cop out.

I'm so surprised by the judgement on this thread! Honestly never realised reins were so controversial!

I use the little life backpack reins with DS (21 months, loves exploring, would bolt if he got the chance and much prefers reins to holding hands, as do I as I think he's safer with reins).

I live in Scotland and couldn't give a shite what Goldfish or any bugger else (from any shire, leafy or otherwise) thinks about it. They work for us and mean that my very active and curious DS can walk, explore and learn about the things around him from a very young age rather than being stuck in his buggy all the time.