I think I've failed to help my 9yo grow up, please help.

[freshstart24]

I have an almost 10yo DS. He is a lovely sunny happy boy, but isn't very mature for his age. Until now I've felt that this is ok because I thought there is really no rush to grow up, and I guess I'm guilty of unknowingly encouraging him to stay immature.

For example, he isn't bothered about how he looks, his hair cut or what he wears; he loves teddies and cuddles and chats to them; he shows no interest in becoming more independent and has to be nagged to clean up after himself and remember things; he is very cuddly; he talks in a baby voice quite often; he is very sensitive.

I recently helped on a school trip and was struck by the difference in his peers. I felt like a bad parent as he was possibly the only boy without deodorant or hair gel. His room mates realised his attachment to his teddy and used this to upset him- causing him to be in tears which made things very tricky for me as he really wanted me to comfort him- but I felt this would open him up to further torment.

I feel like I have failed to help him grow up as he should. I've looked at my parenting through fresh eyes and wonder if subconsciously I don't want him to grow up too fast, so have ended up making him immature and ill equipped to deal with his peers. Everyone is different but my feelings on fashionable hairstyles and trendy clothes on kids is that they look a bit strange and overdone- but I think I've been wrong about this now.

Part of me feels I should embrace him as he is, and not make him feel rubbish for his immaturity. Another part of me feels I should help him mature.

I don't really know where to start in helping him grow up and be less childish.

Please, any thoughts or ideas would be much appreciated.

Oh and the haircut thing- he has a neat haircut but he just wakes and goes- no styling or looking in the mirror.

Lots of 9 year olds are developing BO, how the hell does deodorant 'sexualise ' them?

Lots of 9 year olds aren't developing BO - a few maybe and usually related to poor hygiene and unwashed clothing.
How does deodorant sexualise? By pushing physical immature children into adult world just as we push girls into 'grown up' clothes - bikini's, heels, perfume, crop tops etc that are all designed to accentuate physical attributes that children don't have. Leave them as children.

My 12 dd is much the same and only recently started asking for make up perfume etc although I wonder if this is just because the others have it as she would much prefer to play with her sisters dolls and pram at home , I wouldn't worry too much much after all he will grow up when he reaches secondary school .

You can't make them grow up quicker than they're emotionally and socially able.
But do you let him walk to the local shop alone. Meet mates at the park alone and attend school trips and clubs without you there.
Let him choose what to wear and ask him what clothes he wants when you need to replace something.
It might be worth giving him more independence if you don't.
Loads of boys don't care about hair and clothes at that age.

freshstart it's a shame that you are a leader at Cubs. Perhaps you are right, perhaps Scouts will be better.

Can't remember who posted this Teach life skills because they are good things to have- just like phonics and arithmetic. But do it as a positive thing and a confidence-enhancer, not because you are frightened that he somehow has the wrong personality but that's pretty much how I look on it. I've always think of it that I'm bringing them up to be adults.