Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Leaving baby at 3 weeks old? Help?

52 replies

kayleighb21 · 27/01/2017 18:19

I had my first baby, my little boy almost 2 weeks ago. My OH's grandma sadly died yesterday. Her funeral is already arranged for just over a weeks time, when DS will be 3 and a half weeks old. We are up north and my OH's family are from down south so obviously the funeral will involve a 6 hour drive and a minimum of one night stay down there. I want to be there for OH and it will look bad if I don't go but I don't think it's fair to bring a 3 week old and although I trust my mum who would look after him with my life, the thought of leaving him this soon is making me feel a little bit sick.
What would you do? xx

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 27/01/2017 18:29

I probably wouldn't go. I don't think anyone would expect you to leave a newborn or drag them on a six hour car journey (which realistically will be much longer due to the frequent breaks you'd need).

HeyMacWey · 27/01/2017 18:29

Sorry for your loss.

Tricky one. No one will think anything less of you for staying at home. But babies are very portable and don't need much at this age - if you can split the journey up then it's do-able.

What does your dh say? Does he want you to be there?

LIZS · 27/01/2017 18:31

Take baby with you.

dottydee3 · 27/01/2017 18:32

Just take the baby with you

pia78 · 27/01/2017 18:36

If you feel it's important to go, take baby. At three weeks very easy to travel with. Just wrap him up and go..much better than going and feeling sick about leaving him.

boopdoop · 27/01/2017 18:36

I would go and take baby. Our wider family live 5-6 hours away and we took our de to meet them when he was 4 weeks old. Other than having some extra stops on the journey, it was fine. They are pretty portable at that stage as he tended to just feed or sleep. I have to stay I couldn't have left him overnight at that point so I'm your situation is either take baby or stay at home and let OH go on his own.

tribpot · 27/01/2017 18:38

Agree with everyone else. Do not leave your baby. Either take him or stay at home with him. In such circumstances I think it's reasonable for your OH to go on his own.

shouldihaveanotherbaby · 27/01/2017 18:45

If it is important to your OH that you are there, take baby with you. My FIL passed away when DD was 6 weeks old. I took her and people commented on how wonderful it was to see a baby when they were feeling sad. I guess it reminds everyone about new beginnings....

PotteringAlong · 27/01/2017 18:46

I'd just go and take the baby. Wouldn't consider any other option.

GreenGoblin0 · 27/01/2017 18:49

I would prob go with baby but consider getting train rather than driving. new born babies shouldn't really be in a car seat for extended periods.

GlitterGlue · 27/01/2017 18:49

To be fair though, not everyone is physically capable of travelling at that point. And not all babies travel well.

If you want to go, and can both manage it, then fine. But don't feel pressured into travelling or leaving your baby.

123bananas · 27/01/2017 18:55

Just take the baby.

My 91 year old grandmother passed away just before Christmas, her funeral was a celebration of her life, not a totally somber affair. There were 4 generations of family there, a reminder that life goes on and that part of the loved one is still with the family left behind, their legacy.

A baby to coo over when people are feeling sad, might be of help to your DH and his family. It also means you can fully support him without your mind being elsewhere worrying about your baby and he won't be worrying about you and your baby. Family should be together at times like these I feel.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 27/01/2017 18:58

Take the baby definitely it will be asleep mostly anyway and you can always leave the service if not. Or stay home with baby shouldn't think anyone will not understand!

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 27/01/2017 18:58

Can your mum come too, and stay in the background or go for a walk during the service?

Lugeeta · 27/01/2017 18:58

I would either go and take the baby or stay home. You would have to express if you went and you might end up very uncomfortable and it wouldn't be good for your supply so early either. Plus it would mean a lot of stops-if you had to go the train may be easier?

Danglybits · 27/01/2017 18:59

Either stay or go with your baby.

I couldn't have left a baby overnight at that age.

bobbinpop · 27/01/2017 19:01

Take your baby if you want to go; I'm sure seeing your newborn will help some people through a sad time too. Don't go if it's too much for you, and don't feel bad about it. You've just had your first baby and you'll be exhausted.

GlitterGlue · 27/01/2017 19:02

If you do decide to take the train look into getting a family rail card. As long as you buy the baby a ticket you can save up to a third on the adult fares.

StiginaGrump · 27/01/2017 19:03

Wouldn't dream of taking such a small baby for such a long drive-car seats raise the risk of sleep apnea.

Would stay at home and let do go by himself, he will have family there for him too.

shazkiwi · 27/01/2017 19:17

Your OH knows the reasons behind what ever decision you make so that's the important thing. I don't think it will look bad if you don't go - people will know you have a tiny baby & are physically/mentally getting used to parenthood. In your situation if I was up to it & my baby was untroubled with colic or reflux & happy enough in a carseat then I would go for it. If not I would stay at home with my baby even if my mother was on hand to babysit.

Heirhelp · 27/01/2017 19:48

I would not have left such a little baby. It is not fair on them.

PostTruthEra · 27/01/2017 19:54

I wouldn't go.

SoftSheen · 27/01/2017 20:00

I think you should probably stay at home, you have a very good excuse as not many mothers would be willing to leave such a very young baby.

If you do decide to go with the baby, consider taking a train. Current advice is that newborns shouldn't spend more than an hour at a time in a carseat, and so a 6 hour drive could end up taking closer to ten hours.

MontePulciana · 27/01/2017 20:01

Stay with your baby. Your baby needs you the most right now.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2017 20:05

Take the baby or stay home. There is NO WAY I would have left my babies at that age. By the way, no one will be upset if you don't go. You just had a baby for Pete's sake! Your husband is a big boy and will be fine going alone. This is what happens when you're a parent.