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Original poster

Leaving baby at 3 weeks old? Help?

52 replies

kayleighb21 · 27/01/2017 18:19

I had my first baby, my little boy almost 2 weeks ago. My OH's grandma sadly died yesterday. Her funeral is already arranged for just over a weeks time, when DS will be 3 and a half weeks old. We are up north and my OH's family are from down south so obviously the funeral will involve a 6 hour drive and a minimum of one night stay down there. I want to be there for OH and it will look bad if I don't go but I don't think it's fair to bring a 3 week old and although I trust my mum who would look after him with my life, the thought of leaving him this soon is making me feel a little bit sick.
What would you do? xx

OP posts:
Burntbum · 27/01/2017 20:52

I would stay at home. People would understand as you've got a newborn baby and your OH will have support from his family.

Cupoftchaiagain · 27/01/2017 21:12

What about flying? With baby

isittimeforarainbow · 27/01/2017 21:29

I had this exact situation with dd1. DH's grandma died when dd was a few days old, it was like she was waiting for her great granddaughter to arrive. I knew it would mean a lot to her and DH for us all to be there, so we went. It was hard work but fine.
After dd2's birth I took weeks and weeks to recover so going wouldn't be an option. If you're not able to travel people will understand

somethingwitty3432 · 27/01/2017 22:04

Do whatever is right for you & your DH.

If you can make the journey, could your mum come down & just take baby for the service? I did this for my DSIL & it made the world of difference to them. It's important for you to be there for your DH but your baby needs you too - I was just round the corner with baby & it meant everyone could do what they needed to do without the worry.

Hope all works out whatever u decide to do.

Sorry to you all for your loss x

Heirhelp · 28/01/2017 08:13

Remember at this age your baby should only be in the car seat for 30 minutes at a time.

Wolfiefan · 28/01/2017 08:17

What do YOU want to do? It's not up to anyone else to tell you what you SHOULD do.
If you don't want to leave your baby then don't go.
If you think baby could travel ok (like someone else suggested could your mum come?) then take baby.
It's a horrible and stressful situation and I'm sorry for your loss.

LexieLulu · 28/01/2017 08:19

Go with baby, let your husband go to church service solo, then join him afterwards with child. I'm sure everyone would love to see baby

Sweetpotatoaddict · 28/01/2017 08:27

I had the same situation when dc1 was tiny. It's so sad. I didn't go, I just felt that you go to support others, and that my dh would have been additionally stressed if I had gone with dc. We made a trip a month or so later when we all visited the grave, and saw lots of family and friends.
Nobody will judge you for not going, it definitely doesn't mean you don't care or are less upset about.
It's two years later for me now and I genuinely have no regrets about not going, I did what felt right at the time.
Sorry for your families loss Flowers

Crumbs1 · 28/01/2017 08:28

Take the baby. Three week olds are very transportable. Can't really see what the issue is.

LexieLulu · 28/01/2017 08:31

Also I made a big drive with my baby when they were very young. They are only meant to be in a car seat for an hour at a time. Plan route, stop off at service stations. They will probably sleep 90% of journey x

BonjourMinou · 28/01/2017 08:31

Take the baby. It'll probably sleep through the service anyway. Bit if you take the train you will be able to easily feed it as and when. I wouldn't consider leaving a 3 week old.

Blueberryblueberry · 28/01/2017 08:36

I would either stay with the baby or take them with me personally. I think most people who have had children would understand you not being there. You know your baby though - how well would they travel? Mine would have all been ok at that age and would have just slept in a moving car as long as there were stops for feeds though. Would depend on the journey though- any chance you'd be stuck on the m25 for example with a screaming baby then I'd rather stick pins in my eyes speaking from experience

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 28/01/2017 08:44

Sorry to hear about your DH's loss. I had a similar dilemma 3 weeks after DS1 was born, though it was a 3 he trip not a 6hr one. We figured that it was best for me and DS1 to stay at home - all my DHs family went to the funeral so he had plenty of support and everyone understood.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 28/01/2017 08:45

3 hour

jinglestheelf · 28/01/2017 09:16

Stay at home. We had a similar situation when ds was 2 weeks old. Neither me or DH went and everyone we spoke to said they wouldn't have expected us to go with such a small baby.

Frazzled2207 · 28/01/2017 09:39

Sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation fil died just after ds2 was born. He was 4 weeks at the funeral.
I sent elder son to other grandparents and took ds2 with me, I was lucky he slept through the service. However at the buffet afterwards he woke up and everyone enjoyed a cuddle with him- lightened the sad atmosphere somewhat.

Our funeral was local, and the long drive is not ideal, but it's easier to take babies along when they're very small, a good chance they will sleep most of the time.

Frazzled2207 · 28/01/2017 09:41

BUT it absolutely won't look bad if you don't go.

Fitzsimmons · 28/01/2017 09:58

I have done the journey from Cumbria to Hampshire many times with my two, so if you do go I would just say that you need to be prepared for the journey to take around 9 or 10 hours with all the breaks you might need if driving. For a baby that small I'd definitely look into getting the train or a flight.

JigglyTuff · 28/01/2017 10:02

I do t think I'd go. It will be a 20 hour round trip as a previous poster said.

It's too long to leave your baby

User0157 · 28/01/2017 12:44

A three week old shouldn't spend longer than 30 minutes at a time in a car seat, so you would be looking at a very long journey!

I'd stay at home with the baby.

MyCatLikesToSitInBoxes · 28/01/2017 12:46

Stay at home with the baby. In no way will you look bad.

savagehk · 28/01/2017 12:48

Take baby with, ideally train not car, if you want to be in the service and don't want baby in the service ask your mum to come with and look after baby during service. Don't leave baby.

Orsono · 29/01/2017 12:46

This 30 minutes in a car seat thing seems to be a misreading of the research, possibly by the media. The research found that after 30 minutes a baby's heart rate and breathing can change, but the advice that resulted from the new research didn't say that 30 minutes was the limit. That's just the length they did the test for. 2 hours seems to be the official recommendation, and most importantly not to use a car seat regularly for sleeping. Here's a link with info -

www.madeformums.com/news-and-gossip/the-2-hour-car-seat-rule---what-you-need-to-know/39322.html

"The '2 hour rule' is the established safety recommendation endorsed by safety experts and manufacturers, that suggests children shouldn't sit in a car seat for more than 2 hours at a time. That's not only when your baby's in a car but also when they're in a travel system (pictured above) - a buggy chassis with a car seat attached."

JellyWitch · 29/01/2017 12:50

Take the baby with you or don't go. No way would anyone expect you to leave a newborn and I am astonished you would consider it!

User0157 · 29/01/2017 13:20

Peter Fleming (infant health expert) recently said in the British Medical Journal that 2-3 week olds should not be in a car seat for longer than 30 minutes at a time.

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