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Original poster

How do you do it??

49 replies

Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 16:58

I have a just turned 2 year old and a 4 month old. The baby wakes every hour at night. I can often get her back without feeding, but the constant waking is killing me. We haven't had a good nights sleep in months and months.

I'm broken. I'm crying, snapping, angry. The oldest one was a bad sleeper but the baby is worse and we haven't even started teething yet!

How do others cope?? How do I encourage sleep?

We have no family anywhere remotely near, so I have zero relief. DH is great but he's out all day and I breastfeed so he's fairly useless at night (and in any event, if she's awake, so am I).

I'm exhausted by it all.

Please give tips (I have no desire to bedshare, she sleeps in a co sleeper cot)

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 16/12/2016 17:01

We coslept. Not because we wanted to,but because it was the only thing that helped everyone get some sleep...didn't even knew it had a name back then.

Other than that,why is the baby waking up? Does she have a dummy? Is she too hot/cold? Because she's hungry? Looking for comfort?

Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 17:03

No idea why she wakes. She's not always hungry. She's not cold, comfort possibly, but I can't keep this up.

I get it, they're babies, they need comfort etc. But I've got 2 children who have half a mother at the moment at best.

OP posts:
Thundercake · 16/12/2016 17:09

Do you swaddle? I know the latest recommendations say not to but I still do if DD (6 months) won't go back asleep. I co-sleep because I'm often too lazy to put her back in her own cot and sometimes that results in me feeding more through the night so it backfires. It's very hard, between two kids and snoring husband and needing to wee I reckon I wake up about 10 times a night

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Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 17:14

She started rolling when she had just turned 3 months so I'm extremely reluctant to start swaddling again, I just couldn't cope with the worry.

Having her in bed doesn't make sleep any better. I can't feed lying down as I have really small boobs and it's a major faff getting her into position, plus lying in 1 position is extremely uncomfortable for me.

Is bed sharing the only solution?!

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 16/12/2016 17:23

Probably not. For us it was as DD was actually looking for me,sometimes I'd still be awake so see her stir,whinge and flail around until she could touch me and then settle back to sleep.
Have you tried a dummy? I honestly don't know what to suggest just wanted to say i've been ere and it is awful. Have you talked to your HV about it?

OnlyEatsToast · 16/12/2016 17:31

Isn't there a sleep regression/growth spurt at 4months? Remember baby is tiny, breast milk is digested in 1.5hr. This too shall pass

Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 17:37

Oh she has already been through the growth spurt/regression... that was hideous. This recent batch of shit sleep was prompted by her last set of injections...

She will take a dummy but in honesty, that bad boy is as much of a pain as anything as it falls out and she's rooting around for it!

I know I'm whinging, but I also know I'm truly in the minority having such a frequently waking baby, and I want to make moves to start rectifying it asap.

I also know breastmilk digests frequently, but how do some lucky sods breastfeed and have babies who sleep for 6 hour stretches?!

OP posts:
Thundercake · 16/12/2016 18:30

Can she put the dummy back in herself? Could you literally put ten of them in the cot so she'll always find one?

Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 18:33

No, sadly not, nowhere near that competent...! She can blooming well take it out of course!!

OP posts:
MrsPeppapig · 16/12/2016 18:34

Teething?

Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 18:47

Do you think teething? I did wonder...

I've even ordered an amber teething thing (I know...!) in the vain attempt that it might help.

How do other people cope during the day??

OP posts:
Alex83 · 16/12/2016 18:48

I really feel for you, it's such a difficult stage when you have a tiny baby and toddler.

When DS was 4 or 5 months it was awful, I was only just surviving. I was constantly snapping and shouting at DD (age 3) and was just so exhausted all the time. Poor DD!! I feel so guilty still.

Around 6 months it started getting better and now DS is 8 months I feel human again! Just hang in there, 4-6 months is THE WORST.

If the baby will take a bottle of expressed milk could you have a full night to sleep once a week? I found this really helped, it topped up my energy reserves again!

No real advice, just a hand hold and a reminder that this is the worst bit and won't last forever.

Sparrowlegs248 · 16/12/2016 18:53

Ah. I wish I hadn't read this......ds is nearly 17 months and I'm 7wks from giving birth. If you find something that works op, feel free to share!!

Although I did Co sleep with ds, and have plans for a sidecar cot with dc2. I was hoping for a sleeper next time.....

MeTehOne · 16/12/2016 18:57

How do you do it??

I think people 'do it' because they have no choice. You can't the baby back so you just have to get on with it even though it's a bit rubbish. You just have to keep reminding yourself that they are cute and loveable and that their sleeping WILL get better.

She does sound like she is waking a lot though. Have you considered using bottles or is that frowned on? Have you asked your doctor or health visitor for advise? Are you able to pay for extra help so that you can grab a nap in the day time? Can you nap when both the kids are napping? Is you diet etc ok as that could be contributing to feeling tired especially if you are already tired from lack of sleep?

Does fresh air and a walk help the baby to sleep. I know that's a bit of an old wives tale but I found taking mine for an invigoratingSmile walk before bed helped ( I know it was a bit odd!)

pklme · 16/12/2016 18:59

Try tucking her in very firmly. Put a folded towel or sheet across her chest and tuck in well under the mattress. It feels like being held/swaddled, but isn't as restricting.
Have you tried a growbag?

And I managed by creating a safe zone/time in the day, and catching a nap. So TV on for little one, playpen to keep everyone's safe from everyone else, and doze on the sofa.

Original poster
Luckystar1 · 16/12/2016 19:01

Thank you Alex my DH said the same... I cried and self pityingly said something about it being never ending!! I've had mixed success with bottles, and the expressing seems to take all blooming day long.

I breastfed the eldest for 16 months so I feel I owe the baby the same, but I'm soooooo tempted by a bed time bottle.

Notta I prayed for a sleeper too... she did an astonishing 4 nights in a row from 9-3 when she was 7 weeks, I thought we'd cracked it (we hadn't).

But unlike DS, she doesn't scream all day long, so it's definitely progress. I'm not chancing a 3rd to see if it would progress further.

OP posts:
Cranb0rne · 16/12/2016 20:27

I have to admit that co-sleeping was the only way we got through it, although the baby is now nearly 1 and still in bed with me.

MedicMama · 16/12/2016 20:34

Co-sleeping for us too. And then coffee, lots of coffee.

MoonDuke · 16/12/2016 20:45

Co sleeping for us too.

I remember several nights of me getting up 20 times a night to deal with my newborn and my non sleeping toddler.

They are now 2 and 5. The 5 year old sleeps through every other night. The 2 year old still wakes twice a night and is up for the day at 5.30. Im beyond exhausted.

You are not alone

OnTheUp13 · 16/12/2016 20:45

My DD is now 17 months and still only sleeps in 3 hour bursts. She woke every 2 until 14 months. I only have one (mainly because when she sleeps I sleep and it's too precious to give up that time for sex!) and I struggle still!

Smartleatherbag · 16/12/2016 20:48

Oh god, this is the worst stage, with a baby and a toddler. Hellish. I still shudder at the thought, years on. Agree re cosleeping. Can you maybe manage to afford a childminder for a few afternoons a week for the toddler? Take the pressure off? Or friends? Also lower standards in the house. Just above the dysentery level is fine.

OnTheUp13 · 16/12/2016 21:22

Smart is spot on with the housework! You can write your name in the dust on our furniture but the coffee cups are clean Wink

RebelRogue · 16/12/2016 21:30

Tbh i spent the first two years of dd's life deluding myself that i'll "sleep tomorrow".
Not only was she a bad sleeper but she had a 5 am wake up time as well!

user1471446433 · 16/12/2016 21:35

Cosleep. Drink gallons of water as it helps with the exhaustion fog, if baby naps be in a toddler proof room & try to grab a 5 min cat nap.
It gets better! around 3 years old

SirNiallDementia · 16/12/2016 21:41

Co sleeping saved me with DS2.

Whenever he woke he'd go back to sleep straight away, sometimes with a BF. No more getting up to try and settle him or sitting in the rocking chair feeding him. I got so much more sleep!

He's 4 now, sleeps brilliantly and is the most independent child ever.

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