How do you do it??

[Luckystar1]

I have a just turned 2 year old and a 4 month old. The baby wakes every hour at night. I can often get her back without feeding, but the constant waking is killing me. We haven't had a good nights sleep in months and months.

I'm broken. I'm crying, snapping, angry. The oldest one was a bad sleeper but the baby is worse and we haven't even started teething yet!

How do others cope?? How do I encourage sleep?

We have no family anywhere remotely near, so I have zero relief. DH is great but he's out all day and I breastfeed so he's fairly useless at night (and in any event, if she's awake, so am I).

I'm exhausted by it all.

Please give tips (I have no desire to bedshare, she sleeps in a co sleeper cot)

7mth old and 2yr old. 7mth old wakes CONSTANTLY!!! Maybe every 30-60mins. He slept 10-12hours for a few weeks many many moons ago. Or maybe that was a dream. I don't know anymore. I used to tell myself it was a phase and it would get easier but I don't think I believe that anymore. I used to be optimistic every evening that tonight might be the night he sleeps through again. I'm not anymore. I've tried more food, less food, more milk, less milk, BF, expressed, formula, hotter room, cooler, more/less clothes/bedding, swaddling...
If I don't pick him up quick he wakes toddler then I have two to settle. I just cosleep at night now, I don't like it but it's survival. He settles pretty good for a couple hours at a time like this. It's shit OP, it's just shit and you just have to cope somehow. Maybe it'll end someday but for now this is our life. I do remind myself there are people who would trade places with us in a heartbeat, people with sick kids or who have lost kids etc. Sleep deprivation is hard but I'm worse when i dwell on it and think about the negatives. I'm trying (trying!!!) to enjoy DC while he's little and see the positives.

(Wrote that whilst settling him for 3rd time since 7.30)

Musical beds for a few years with the first ones. Then four day sleep training at 9 months for the next four.

You don't have to cosleep to make it work. Just focus on maximising your sleep without trying to amend the baby's needs. For example,

• be close enough to sooth baby without moving or opening your eyes. You have a co sleeper so that's a tick ✔ (keep baby in it as long as possible)

• have a soothing method you can do without moving or opening your eyes. You have a dummy so that's a tick ✔ (you could pat, stroke, shush with your eyes shut too)

• make the dummy findable without opening your eyes or moving. I sew a ribbon with a press stud at the end onto the chest of sleeping bags for this purpose. It makes finding dummy super quick.

• remove or turn around your bedside clock and stop counting the number of wake ups. Surprising the psychological impact this has.

• maximise your ability to sleep in the night. Utilise eye masks and ear plugs. With baby right next to you, you will hear as soon as he wakes even with earplugs in. But it will cancel out all the shuffling, background noise.

All of these ^ are not about attempting to amend baby's behaviour. It is about amending your behaviour to cope in the situation as it is.

I would also give yourself permission to use formula, even if just occassionally to give yourself a break. Ask yourself what makes you a better mother - breastfeeding or happy time when no one is tired.

I also second what the PP said about a tightly tucked in sheet (all the way under the matteess)

I would be in bed as soon as my DP walked through the door. Not ideal but not forever either. I EBF DS2 so I did all the night feeds. DP used to take him downstairs at 5 till he went to worry at 7 so I could get a few hours uninterrupted, grab them whenever you can.

Sorry you are having a tough time.

Is she trying to crawl? My DD was up on all fours from 4 months rocking, clearly too young to actually master crawling, but she wasn't to know that! It passed in about 4 weeks (sorry!).

Life is so different if you have more than one child. Express or one formula bottle so you can go to bed when DH gets in the door and get a solid chunk of sleep.

I formula fed and DH and I traded. One went to bed at 8pm, the other did the 10:30 feed, dream feed if baby hadn't woken, and then to bed, the early sleeper did the night feeds and had already had 4 ish hours of sleep.

Second the ear plugs, even if only in one ear! You'll be waking to the slightest sound while they are in your room.

If dummies work for a while, scatter them in the cot so there are always a few handy! Let her have them if it gets her back to sleep quickly and no feeding.

Good luck! X

Thank you all!! You all made me laugh.

A miracle occurred last night. I slept in the spare room and told DH I wasn't feeding her before 12am and then. It before 4am.

He soothed her at 11, she woke and I fed at 1, then she slept until 5!! I fed her and she slept again until 7!! Miracle!!!

Why doesn't she do this when I'm sleeping beside her?!

Admittedly he probably slept through most of it. As when she woke at 1, I heard her and he was sound asleep

A suggestion for coping for the daytime. Could you ask your local children's centre if they have anybody who could pop in for an hour or two to help out. Obviously it depends on the resources of your local centre but when my friend was on her knees with her 2 under 2 that little reprieve really helped her to get through.

I really feel for you. I also had 2 under 2 and and am just coming out of that baby and toddler phase (now 2.5 and 4). My eldest still napped during the day so I made sure that at one point during the day baby and toddler napped at same time so I could have a break/eat/sleep. Is that a possibility?

it will get better.

Sleepyhead deluxe gives them the security of closeness without swaddling. Absolute miracle for my ds at 3/4 weeks old and wouldn't be put down at night. Apparently you can use it to 8 months.

I didn't want to co sleep because I move so much in my sleep and like my duvet pulled up to my nose.

Another vote for co-sleeping. I have tiny boobs and have survived on side feeding and cosleeping. I have a 2yr old and a 7mo. Dummies are also amazing.

Sleep whenever you get the chance. Does your two year old nap still? Can you send them to playgroup for an hour or two? Can DH get up with them in the morning? Or go to bed really early a few nights a week?
I never co sleep, it doesn't seem to help and they just ended up wide awake when I tried it!
DS1 was a terrible sleeper and I did all of the above. He was FF fed so that doesn't guarantee a sleeper either btw! DS2 is a better sleeper but I still do most of the above depending on what kind of night we have! 4-6 months is the worst age for sleep I think.

Mine would only settle on their sides, in growbags.

Neither would sleep well on their back they woke every hour.

Midwife in the hospital showed me and I did it from a few days old. Two rolled up towels either side when teeny and then when they were big enough just left them to it.

Formula, just try it. For your sanity.

Cosleeping.

Oh I'm so done! DH again took her Saturday night. She woke at 11, he for her back to sleep, she then woke at 1.30 (I fed her) and 5.30 (I fed her) and 7 for the day.

Having had 2 decent sleeps, I went back into the room last night. Up every hour again....!!!!

Is it me?! What's the bloody problem?! The only thing I can think of is to move her into her room with the angelcare mat.

Can your dh sleep with her and you in the other room for the foreseeable future? My ds 17 months slept at my mums sat night, he normally wakes up anytime around 4 and then I bf for another half hour or so then he's up. He slept til5.45 with my mum! Then another hour in bed with her!

He's going into his own room over Christmas!

Could it be she smells your milk and starts rooting for it?

How do other people cope during the day??

Red Bull and flapjack

I'm not sure if you're meant to drink RB when BFing. My DD was FF from 3 weeks, but that didn't stop her waking up every 2 hrs until she was 3.

She's not in beside me, she in a co sleeper cot.

DH is happy to have her beside him, so I think we'all do that for a while.

Bike I hate red bull. It's like the devil's drink (although in my uni days, with a triple vodka it was the obvious drink of choice... my poor liver!)

Is there stay and play at a children's centre, or a small soft play you can go to? I coped by going to such things as much as possible and lying down with the baby on mats, or on a sofa. Could the 2yo go to nursery for a bit?

Both mine slept much better in their own room, as did I, so even if you want to wait to 6 months as recommended that's not so long. I put ds in his own room in desperation at 4 months and he loved it - dd was older.

Mine slept better in their own rooms too from 5ish months, hate to say it. Had a co-sleeper cot with DC2 and although it was great in that it made the bed bigger and safer to co-sleep in, it ultimately didn't serve a huge purpose here. I heard of some people being able to roll over and feed the baby in it - never worked for me, I have small boobs too.

Try white noise on all night if you're not doing that already. In a sleepyhead, on side, or arms lightly swaddled (the baby will still be able to fling arms out free if she's cross enough...). A soother if that works.

But! 4 months is possibly one of the hardest baby ages so it will probably seem like nothing works for a while. Don't try to do ANYTHING taxing during the day. If your toddler is happy to watch tv then just leave it on as much as you want to and don't feel guilty. You just need to survive that's all. And don't compare. People will easier-going babies will have completely different types of days and levels of energy than you have. it's not like with like.

I know it seems ages off, but everything should be lots better by springtime.

I'm similar to you op I have a 20 month old and a 7 month old. I don't think I have slept in 2 years. 7 month old wakes 7-9 times a night from 11pm onwards. I'm.just waiting for it to get better I do think it will in the next couple of months but I'm so so tired
..when I hear people saying they did not sleep well I did not sleep till 2am I feel angry at them. Like hold on I get woken up constantly all night. You miss out if a few hours sleep as a one of and you want me to say poor you...try being me. I don't say that though but it's how I feel it's not even their fault.

She's in a sleepyhead, on her side, white noise on all night already. I feel there is literally nothing more I can do but shove her in her own room.

Over the coming 8 months (so first 12 months of babys life) I will put money on you getting less sleep if she's in her own room, not more.

All the time you will spend trying to lower her into the cot without waking her. All that time standing next to the cot trying to settle her. All the time sitting in a chair in her room trying to cuddle and calm her. Then giving up and bringing her into your bed (when she could be in her cot, in your room).

how do others cope?

Side car cot (full sized cot bed with 1 side removed) and baby in it until sleeping through.

Learn to feed/settle at night without opening your eyes or properly waking up

I have four children (with a 14m age gap between two of them), I don't have the time, energy of patience to be trapsing across the landing into another room at night. Nor spending ages settling a baby to sleep.