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Parenting

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Original poster

How many of you were honestly happy when your children were small?

115 replies

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 10/12/2016 16:01

Please tell me it gets better?

I'm constantly worried I'm not giving them enough attention, the house is a mess we can never find anything because I have no time to sort it out, my oh and I are stressed out and argue, some days I'd like to punch his lights out!

I think I just need to know it won't always be like this.

OP posts:

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SilentBatperson · 12/12/2016 09:28

I must say I felt more like that with one child than with two. It's much easier to enjoy the whole thing when you just have the one to look after!

Original poster

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 12/12/2016 13:21

I never felt like this when I just had the one. Having my second really put a spanner in the works bless her. It's not that they are difficult or misbehave, it's just that they need so much from us as tiny children (obviously). I never imagined how intense it would be.

And here's the thing. I do have help from my family and DP's family. My friends are great too. But I still find it crushing. We did move house earlier this year and it needs some work although it's perfectly livable. I just haven't been organised since the move. I feel like I'll never catch up.

Someone made a good point that all the stages are precious, but still, it will be hard to look back on this time knowing how part of me wished it away

OP posts:

FreeButtonBee · 12/12/2016 13:22

God, it would be soooo much easier with grandparents around the corner. Mine are a plane ride away and both still work. In laws are 2 hours away and while they can manage a few hours, they are not really suited to doing hours of childcare for under 5s. They are too set in their ways although the adore the kids. It wouldn't be fair on anyone and I only use them in absolute emergencies.

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Original poster

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 12/12/2016 13:22

Shit. That was a hard thing to admit.

OP posts:

Webuyanyname · 12/12/2016 16:40

I know ssd's post might sound a bit harsh but its a fair point that it is sooo much easier with family help.

We have very little family help and we're in the minority of all the parents we've got to know through nursery and (more recently) school (and that's in London...).
Most other parents we know have had family help generally when their kids were very young as well as to cover sick days, school holidays, help out when one or other is working late/travelling etc, when they're older.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that btw - we'd happily 'dump' dd on her GM if we could as GM would love it and we'd want dd to spend time with her while she could.

cookieswirls · 12/12/2016 16:43

I have no family help and dealing with my twins and 5 yo is bloody demanding. I wish someone else could entertain them for an hour.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 12/12/2016 16:53

I found it ridiculously tough when ds2 arrived. Ds1 was 21 months old at the time and that first couple of years were hell in earth. At the time I felt guilty for not enjoying it but over the years, I've let that guilt go and hopefully you'll be able to do that too op.

I used to go to work for a break literally. Only it wasn't really a break because I worked weekend nights while looking after my dses all week. Dh did the opposite, worked all week and had the dses all weekend while I slept. I'm amazed sometimes our marriage survived.

Mine are a teen and nearly teen now and life is great. I feel finally like I am putting myself first in some of the choices I make. I've switched back to days after years of nights and increased my work hours and I'm loving it.

So yes, it gets a whole lot better. It gets better slowly as they get older and life just becomes more fun and less relentless.

minipie · 12/12/2016 16:58

Very glad to read this thread. We have a just 4yo and a 20 month old and it is hard.

But there does seem to be a gradual improvement. 4 and 20 months is definitely better than 2.5 and newborn, or 3.5 and 1 year old. Up and down phases of course but an overall upwards trend so hopefully that gives hope to anyone at those stages.

I think so much depends on the children you get. Those who enjoyed the 0-1 yr stage generally didn't have babies with bad colic/reflux or terrible sleepers. Those who enjoyed the 2 yo stage generally didn't have epic tantrummers/biters. And of course if you have rebellious difficult teenagers you probably look back fondly to when they were 4...

I don't have a problem with wishing these stages away. I can look forward to better times ahead whilst still enjoying the few enjoyable moments of this stage.

SilentBatperson · 12/12/2016 17:28

SSD had a fair point about family help but unfortunately expressed on what is clearly a supportive thread. I'll be honest though, I felt similar to how I imagine she felt when I read posts about people loving every second with one child. It can take a lot of restraint not to be like, that isn't the same thing in the slightest.

ssd · 12/12/2016 20:00

my kids are teens now and its certainly not as relentless as when they were small

my previous post wasnt meant to slag anyone for getting a break from their kids if they have family help , (and God knows, it must be wonderful), it was to let those of you without family help know that it is bloody hard without a break and it impacts on family life and everything else and not to be too hard on yourselves if you never get a break and arent loving every minute of the toddler/baby years...

malificent7 · 12/12/2016 23:16

My dd is 8 and i think it has got harder in many ways... but then she does have emotional issues ( which i blame myself for. ) Sigh.

Im actually looking foward to the teenage years. Feel like a shit mum.

LotisBlue · 13/12/2016 22:47

Yes, I found it much easier to enjoy ever moment when I just had one dc. Dc1 was a fairly chilled out baby / toddler too whereas Dc2 is more... Spirited. With two dc I find all of my energies are concentrated on the one who is currently tantrumming, I don't have as much time to sit and read or play with a happy child.

trixymalixy · 13/12/2016 22:48

I hated the baby stage. It's so much easier when the kids are primary school age.

SarcasmMode · 13/12/2016 23:02

I hope so.
DD1 nearly 4 and DD2 nearly 10 months and BF.

I could and do cry.

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub · 13/12/2016 23:15

Have read a few posts here and just want to say it does get easier. Mine are 21 months apart, I remember just feeling like a zombie all the time after being up most of the night with the second one as he didn't sleep well. I felt like I just couldn't wait for the next stage i.e playgroup, nursery, school. I actually don't remember much about them being babies! Although when I look back at baby photos, it couldnt have been all bad! Now both are at school and a bit more independent it's so much easier although now I just worry about other stuff! If you can get a break for a couple of hours for yourself or you and DH go out for lunch or something, it will help

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