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Original poster

How many of you were honestly happy when your children were small?

115 replies

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 10/12/2016 16:01

Please tell me it gets better?

I'm constantly worried I'm not giving them enough attention, the house is a mess we can never find anything because I have no time to sort it out, my oh and I are stressed out and argue, some days I'd like to punch his lights out!

I think I just need to know it won't always be like this. Sad

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marciagetscreamed · 10/12/2016 21:47

I have a 2yo and a 6mo and I reckon I cry every other day.

I love them dearly but oh my god, no one ever told me my life would be a relentless, snowballing mass of housework and childcare that is somehow twice as hard as an actual job but one that you get absolutely no recognition for.

No one told me I would become unrecognisable as a person after having children or that my previously wonderful relationship with my husband would be more or less fucked.

So thanks for posting OP, I mean it, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling totally gloomy.

Apparently it does get better.

BetterEatCheese · 10/12/2016 21:49

Dd is about to turn 6 and it's the best it's been. I loved her dearly then but it was so so hard, I was up and down and stressed, at the end of my tether, dreading tantrums etc etc. It does absolutely get better

TheABC · 10/12/2016 21:54

I keep telling myself it's a marathon, not a sprint. 7 month old and 3.5 year old - I can cope with tantrums and neediness, but it's the constant, relentless mess that grind me down. Thank Gods for Mr Tumble.

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oldestmumaintheworld · 10/12/2016 21:56

I hated it when my two were young. As a result I got a nanny and a cleaner and went back to work. And even then I hated Fridays and longed for Mondays. I found (and I must admit) still find small children tedious, boring and a PITA. As you can imagine I am not looking forward to being a granny, thankfully still some time away. Teenagers are lovely and now mine are grown-up - almost - I love them more and more.

Suzietwo · 10/12/2016 22:01

I think also, you get used to it. I found having 2 (22 month gap) hard work. Now I've got 4 and my younger 2 have a similar gap (24 months) I'm pretty blasé about the whole thing. They are 6 months - 6 years. Weirdly I find it hardest when I've just got the youngest 2 but fine if I've got all 4

LotisBlue · 10/12/2016 22:01

Following with interest - mine are 4 and 1 and most days are pretty relentless. I hate that I spend so much time making food, clearing up food, doing the washing, that I never really get to just sit and play with them. Then the baby wakes up several times in the evening so I never get to sit down with dp at the end of the day.

Suzietwo · 10/12/2016 22:03

(Ps there are been many many moments when I've wanted to fucking murder my partner. Screaming rows and utter hatred. Likewise my children. I locked my 5 year old out of the house today and closed the curtains while she raged on.)

Inthenick · 10/12/2016 22:18

Aw, thanks for this post! I've a 1yr old, 2yr old and 3yr old. I'm actually pretty happy because I'm elated that they are here and I was able to have them all close together and for some reason I've always been focused on the fact that I know I will enjoy them so much in 2 yrs time. But my god it's hard. They have brought out temper and low moods and anxiety I haven't felt since my teen years. I'm 35 so I had about 18 years of calm before they came along and stole every waking minute of my time and any sense of control I have on life. My DH works 24/7 so I'm responsible for all on my own a lot of the time (when I'm not at work).

But it's such a relief to hear it does get easier. I can't wait to be able to take them all to the cinema and have a nap😊

Mouthofmisery · 10/12/2016 22:22

I love this thread and it's everything I need to hear! Thanks you!!

Cuppaand2biscuits · 10/12/2016 22:24

It's so hard with 2 at those ages. Mine are 3 and 6 now and it's so lovely.
What I found helped me is at the end of the day while I was sat feeding the baby before bed was to list, in my head all the things I had got done.
Got dressed,
Made breakfast
Washed up
Went to playgroup
Made lunch
Put laundry away
Cooked dinner

Better than focusing on what you'd hoped to achieve but didn't get chance to. And look after yourself, you can't pour from an empty cup so don't spend all your time running around after others.

BertieBotts · 10/12/2016 22:24

I found things hard (yes even to the point of affecting my general mood) when DS was 4.

He is 8 now and I am happy - most of the time as long as nothing else is messing it up :) but certainly on the family front, yes, happy.

JennyOnAPlate · 10/12/2016 22:29

I wouldn't say I was unhappy all the time, but I was certainly a darn site happier once they were both in school!

The baby and toddler years are bloody hard and I found them very difficult.

0nline · 10/12/2016 22:31

I love love love having a teenager. (DS 16) He's fab and we both really enjoy his company. Which he is not stingy with. It's just so bloody EASY compared to when he was small. The early years were relentless.

I got a reminder today. Took somebody else's four year old to the sweetie shop as a favour.

Oh. Dear. God.

It was like trying to keep a very small, 2 legged, hairless, talking, kamikaze mule on the right side of reasonable.

RainbowBriteRules · 10/12/2016 23:00

Mine are 6 and 3 and I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Christmas especially is better as both understand but are young enough to be excited. Is still bloody hard work at times though and always go to bed feeling as if I haven't got enough done.

I did enjoy many, many parts of their younger years but it really is just relentless.

corythatwas · 10/12/2016 23:01

I think everybody's life goes in phases, some rough stages, some smooth. Also, different people cope differently well with different stages: some find the helplessness of babies appealing, others like teen independence. Most people find some part of child-rearing exhausting.

cookieswirls · 10/12/2016 23:08

I wanted my dd to be at an 'easier' age and now she's 4 it's definitely easier than when she was a baby/ toddler but I get sad thinking how fast the years go. I have 10 month old twins and whilst I can't wait for them to be a bit more independent I also want to be able to hold and cuddle them as babies as I know it's all over so quickly. It is bloody hard work but I cherish the moments Smile

Phoenix76 · 10/12/2016 23:19

Thank you so much for starting this thread op and thank to you everyone who has shared their stories, I'm sitting here looking at the mess that was once my home with no energy to do anything about it, I should go to bed but then that would mean I had no "me" time so I'm effectively spending my "me" time stressing about everything but you guys have really cheered me up!

wineusuallyhelps · 10/12/2016 23:22

When I think back to when mine were 4, 2 and newborn I primarily think of a) the tiredness b) the mess c) the bickering between me and DH! I enjoyed some of it proportionately to how much sleep I'd had!

Now they are 8, 10 and 12; the challenges are different and life is very busy, but there does seem as if there is more fun and a better balance to our lives (most of the time - I do wish they'd pick up their own pants without being asked though Wink).

Myusernameisalreadyinuse · 10/12/2016 23:34

I'm really struggling with 2.5 year old at the moment. On the one hand I'm desperate for some time alone, on the other I'm scared that her childhood will go by and I'll have wasted it. I feel really down in the dumps all the time at the moment. I try and do things with her and we do go out every day (unless I'll) but I constantly feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. Her behaviour is horrible atm and I worry I'm to blame.

Myusernameisalreadyinuse · 10/12/2016 23:34

God I said atm three times in that post. Blush

DancingDinosaur · 10/12/2016 23:44

I was happy, but it was hard work. And I was utterly exhausted because the dc didn't sleep through. The house was a tip (still is) and I was always worried that I was getting something wrong. (Still do, but I've learnt to live with that - its normal). But I look back and think how quickly that time went. Try and be a little kinder to yourself. The house will be a tip, you have no time for yourself, but the time flies past. And when they start sleeping through properly and you hopefully get your evening back, then that makes a big difference. You'll probably find it a bit easier when you go back to work tbh. Yeah you've got to work and stuff, but you also get to talk to grown ups uninterrupted and drink your coffeee before it gets cold. And the plus is that you really look forward to coming home and seeing the children.

BackforGood · 10/12/2016 23:54

It's a tough time to get through.
You are usually both knackered, you are usually still trying to impress at work, you are usually pretty short of money, you aren't getting enough sleep, and you tend to be ratty. You also worry about if what you are doing is right most of the time.

It DOES all get a lot better. Mainly co-inciding with when your youngest starts sleeping through IME.

PicnicPie · 11/12/2016 00:12

I have a 2.5yo and 4yo. I feel like with the 4yo the light is at the end of the tunnel. We can negotiate with her and set boundaries and discipline and she understands. The 2.5yo however is just hard work. But, we know it doesn't last forever and it is getting that much easier, for example we get the 4yo to help get 2.5yo ready (I. E. She puts on coats and shoes for them both!) Also we quickly realised we need to stick together as parents and try not to nitpick/moan, i.e. think of the effort the other person has made first before saying something negative. Also we give each other time away from kids to do activities, rest, lie in. I could not have coped during these last few years if I didn't have a considerate DH. I've also taught myself to care less about the state of house and just enjoy life. There's definitely an element of mind over matter which has helped me through some of my darker days when I thought my life was just a repeat of sick stained tops, x 2 nappy changes and sleepless nights.

It's bloody hard work. To you all, wherever you are in your parenting journey Flowers Brew Cake

Original poster
DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 11/12/2016 00:13

Thank you thank you thank you, you have no idea how much your replies are helping me! I'm actually in tears reading them.

messy relentless exhausted tunnel Great description. This is exactly how it feels to me most days.

relentless, snowballing mass of housework and childcare that is somehow twice as hard as an actual job but one that you get absolutely no recognition for This too.

On the one hand I'm desperate for some time alone, on the other I'm scared that her childhood will go by and I'll have wasted it. This captures a lot of what I'm feeling too. I'm painfully aware that these are precious times, and that makes it worse because I feel even more sad that I'm not enjoying them properly.

I always wanted two and I always wanted about a three year age gap. They are wonderful, happy, funny kids and they love us and each other. I am extremely lucky and I remind myself of that every time I feel down. But still sometimes I can't lift myself out of this. (and yes, sleep deprivation is probably at the root of it.)

I'm very VERY heartened to hear that for most, the experience gets better!

OP posts:
grounddown · 11/12/2016 00:21

Mine are 4 and 5 and it's bliss.
My DD called DS a worm today he said I'm not a worm I've got bones. Look mommy my legs are full of bones :)
I laugh every day with them, when they were small it was hard work (I have been a single parent since DS was 9 months) but I've never laughed as much as when we are together