How many of you were honestly happy when your children were small?

[DangerQuakeRhinoSnake]

Please tell me it gets better?

I'm constantly worried I'm not giving them enough attention, the house is a mess we can never find anything because I have no time to sort it out, my oh and I are stressed out and argue, some days I'd like to punch his lights out!

I think I just need to know it won't always be like this.

I'll be the second one who was happy when my DD was small - I loved the pre-school days (not to say I didn't enjoy a break when she went to school, especially as my DH worked away) but I often wish myself back to the toddler years because things seems easier then. Fewer deadlines, simpler fun.

But yes, some days are relentless and tough and we all have them. Go easy on yourself OP, you're doing a great job.

Yup! I often felt like I was stuck in some weird groundhog day of being woken at some ridiculously early hour of the morning to spend the entire day just trying to tire them out enough so they'd go to sleep at a reasonable time and then start all over again the next day!

Adored having babies, even the night wakings! Toddlers, not so much! Of course, there were some lovely moments in there, especially when my husband or mum were around to share the joy, but, on the whole, 'relentless' sums it up pretty well! I often think, if I had a time machine, I'd sometimes go back to those years and tell my past self to go for a bath/lie down while I play with the children for a few hours and really enjoy them in a way that was just impossible when it was 24/7!

For me, the years from the youngest being about eight up until the eldest left for university were the happiest years of my life and I wish I could have them all over again.

Mine are still young but, at 4&5, are getting older and less tantrummy, easier to talk to and more interesting to listen to.

When they were babies and toddlers I was so unhappy I often felt like running away. It was the most unhappy time of my life and I regularly thought I'd made a huge mistake. Now they're growing up a bit they are showing a bigger interest and more excitement in things like Christmas and it's just more fun.

I look forward to doing things and going out with them. They can stay out later and cope with the occasional late nights which means we can go further afield - when they were younger they'd get tired, whiny and would just be pains in the arse. Every day was the same. We couldn't go anywhere, we had to be home in time for naps and bedtime (heaven forbid we stray from the constraints of the routine ). Change upset and disturbed them so things like Christmas and birthdays were just huge, expensive nightmares.

I'm not going to lie, they do still do my tits in with their arguing and still whinge a bucketload when they're that way out but they do listen to reason and are easier to bribe.

I see people with babies and toddlers, especially if they have more than one, and I secretly think, "Thank fuck that's not me any more."

You are not alone OP, and some days are better than others. It does get better though, my DD is now 17yo and the teen years have been amazing, we've had our up and downs but I found it so much better than the baby and toddler years. The primary school years were pretty fun as well.

It was very relentless when DD was small, the constant need for attention and the lack of sleep. I went back to work when she was 3 months, she didn't sleep through until she was 3 and that almost broke me because my DH worked nights, leaving me to cope on my own and I then had to work 8 hours the following day. I struggled a lot, somehow, you do get through it but things got a lot better when she turned 4 and she could be more independent.

If I am honest, the lack of sleep was one of the biggest reasons for only having one child (there were other factors as well).

That said, still try and enjoy the younger years because it goes by in a flash (cliche alert). My Dd is hopefully going to University next year and I'm living in denial sob

Overwhelming is the word, and dull and repetative and Just so bloody BASIC. Every day is about eating and dressing and pooing, the very basics of human life. It nearly drove me mad. I was much happier when they could poo, eat and dress on their own, and now they are 12 and 10 and I LOVE being a mum, it really suits me!
Just get through this bit, try to find other mums you click with, and time will do the rest. X

Me too. Feeding as I read this, with an infected wisdom tooth which is killing me because I haven't been able to find the "me" time to go to the Dentist.

I'm so glad I'm not alone- no one talks about this stuff enough I think.

God this is making me feel better. I love them dearly, I really do, but they - and the 2yo especially - are du h hard work. As is DH

I really identify with this thread too. Mine are 7mo and 2y and while there are bright spots there is also an awful lot of counting down the hours to nap time/DH home/bedtime.

I find it so much easier when there's another adult around. It's the week days that kill me. Just 1000 tasks in a row that no one will ever notice you've done or thank you for. It's gruelling. Just having another adult here to smile when they do something cute or grimace when they're being awful makes all the difference.

I also hate the mess and find it affects my mood. We have a cleaner and baby has just started sleeping through so I'm hoping to scrape up the energy to tackle some of the sorting/fixing/storing house stuff that's been getting me down.

Pretty much all the things you mention are true in my household now, and I'd say I was happy enough. DH too. It's just, it's the sort of happiness that doesn't leave much room for any other sort, if that makes sense. I don't get the happiness that's available from regular lie ins, hours of me time uninterrupted, a tidy house staying tidy, feeling well rested, calmness. Those things are probably impossible when you have two under 5, but it's hard to let them go.

I definiitely feel irritated a lot though. Small children can be an effing nuisance.

With dc1 I found 9m-30m v hard. It was easier to work even though I was no better off.

With dc2 I felt like I was living in the yellow wallpaper and paid for childcare even though I wasn't working.

It is so so hard.

Everyone deserves respite.

I had three in 3 years 10 months and it was exhausting. I used to think "This is an existence, not a life". My nerves were permanently jangling and I was stressed to fuck. Now they are 8, 10 and 12 and I like their company . It gets so much easier when they start school.

One thing I really find hard is the constant trashing of the home environment. I'm not especially houseproud, and we've a medium sized home for 4 people so not particularly squashed, but there's definitely a feeling of shit everywhere. People seem to constantly want to fill my house with it, whether it's a million letters from school or yet more cheap plastic tat someone has bought them. Keeping it at bay is like a full time job. A little part of me dies everytime one of them tips a box of lego or crayons or teddies everywhere, even though they're only playing.

I did it, l love them, I am so glad it's over.

Once they got to school I felt I got 'me' back. My teenagers are funny and cool and loving and just ace.

Yes it does get better. So much so I'm mad enough to be doing it again and having DC3!

I've got two boys. 4yrs and 7m. I honestly wish they would stay like this forever. My 4yr old is hard work, but mostly well behaved and a lot of fun. The baby is mostly asleep and a lovely little fat, happy thing when he's awake. It definitely feels like the calm before the storm...

I found it truly awful.
The 24/7 nature of feeding a newborn totally wore me down and made me depressed. And then once we were beyond that, the hours spent trying to get DC to eat their meals was also just so tedious, plus the fact that they needed attention and input virtually all of the time.....I sound like a miserable cow, but to be honest, I found it to be drudgery, with little reward, because DC were big criers and very very needy and didn't like being left in a room even while I nipped to the loo. For me, it was the fact there wasn't time off that I found so hard - my best bits of the day were when they napped or when I was driving the car and they were in the back.

However, one they talked, could walk and were willing to eat a meal in less than an hour, things. were much better. Now with DC at 9 and 11 things are really good. They are independent enough for me to not have to be in the room or with them every moment, plus we talk and laugh and have really fun times together. It WILL get better, but I don't think I could return to that phase and when I see people with newborns, I am never broody but relieved to be beyond it. Having said all that, I wouldn't avoid having children because of that very hard phase....it's just part of it and thankfully, like all these things, it does pass.

OP, if you can, build in some 'me' time respite each week. Can you have one lie in a week, even if it's only until 8am? Can you go to a coffee shop for an hour alone,mor have DH take them out for an hour or two leaving you at home by yourself? Those little things can be life lines, amongst the drudgery. Can you factor in twice a year where you will have 1 night away?

Ds is 4.5 and I've really not been happy for the last couple of years, I've found like like Groundhog Day - just relentless slog with little reward. It hadn't helped that he's a terrible sleeper even now, and ridiculously clingy.

That said, the last couple of months have seen things getting a bit easier. A big part of that is that I've started working from home so life is less rushed, but also because DS is gradually becoming more rational and learning to manage his emotions a bit better. He's still clingy and a terrible sleeper, but he's also become funny, loving, determined and kind. I'm hoping this is the start of things getting better.

The newborn stage is horrific. Things calm down so much when they start sleeping through, or at least reducing the night feeds to one.

I have one DS, 8 months, and went back to work a week ago. To be honest I am happier since I went back to work, life seems a little more balanced. I adore DS but being at home full time with him I found hard, being a mum and nothing else. Now I am working 4 days a week. Its tiring but I appreciate him so much more and having work 'for me' is very important to my happiness.

So relieved to read this as I feel the same.
Mine are 4 and almost 2 and it's relentless. Dd2 won't go to sleep til 9pm so I feel hubby and I get virtually no time together ever.
4 year old is being a total madam and dd2 hangs off my leg all day long and screMs if I try to have a shower, do a washing or make dinner.

I feel like I should be savouring every moment as I know I'll miss it when they're older but half the time I just want to run away.

The parents who say they loved it when the kids were small are the ones with the helpful granny/MIL just round the corner who they could dump said small kids on when ever they fancied whichwasmostweekends

the rest of it found young children bloody hard going

Mainly, best days of my life. Tough with one new baby who was ill and unsettled. Second baby easy going but rivalry issues and husband working away but then the next four I loved having when tiny. Biggest we're fun and witty and did more little ones just smelled nice. Got less bothered about perfection as family increased but oddly think house was tidier, food better and we did more things. Worrying about getting everything right was hard first of all.

I love this thread and will have a brighter week after reading it It's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this and that it gets easier! DC are 1 and 3 and I'm so grateful to have them, but it can be so emotionally draining. I'm an introvert so for me there's nothing harder than having no time to myself.

Nah I loved the newborn bit, didn't have a helpful granny around the corner either! Just liked that part. With one child, mind you. I suspect it wouldn't be as blissful when you have other things to do!

I liked 0-3 months, found 3-18 months hard, liked 18m-3y, found 3-6 hard, love 7+ so far.

I agree school is a big difference, DS started school at almost 7 and it made an overnight difference. I suspect I wasn't intellectually challenging him as much as I thought Or possibly he just got the sense of being a little fish in a big pond in the playground...