AIBU to want to kick my MiL in the tits over her slapped arse face because we can't fly out for her wedding as there are implications for my daughter's health?

[Rusulka]

OK so, fair warning, there will be swears.

I haven't really posted on here for about 2 years but have come out of retirement because I'm just so fucked off and could do with some advice.

We are supposed to be flying out to an exotic South American holiday destination next year for MiL's wedding to her older not sexy boyfriend, where they are both living. (MiL and FiL are divorced, which is good, they were awful for each other.) She is paying for our flights, which is of course, super generous, considering there are 5 of us, but we've hit a sticky point. I took DD3 for her 16 week jabs on Friday and my parents (who happened to be staying) suggested I ask the nurse whether/which vaccinations we'd all require to go. So I did. And we will. Ah, yes, about that.
She suggested I delay the visit until after her first birthday for two reasons. 1, there are no safe vaccines for a baby under one, and 2, because she won't have had her 12 month jabs yet, she won't be fully protected from those either, which are still a problem in developing countries like the one we are going to.
Fucksake.
Well of course we can't do that, because she's already set the date and invited half the fucking planet who have also booked flights so we contact MiL to alert her to the situation, only to have her go off on one about how the place she lives is fine sanitation and health wise, and has done nothing since but send message after message basically implying we are overreacting and it won't be a problem, because hey, she took SiL on a flight to Spain when she was only 10 weeks old and she was fine.
Now.
All my children are under 4. If DD3 can't go, then neither can I, and then really, neither can DDs 1 & 2, because the thought of them being abroad without me when they regularly slip their wrist straps and make a run for it is just horrific. So either just DH goes, and only for a few days, or none of us do.
MiL is understandably upset, but I'm pretty fucked off. And kicking myself for not thinking of this when she first told us. It just didn't occur to me. And now she wants a doctor's letter explaining why DD can't fly, for the airline, to help with her getting a refund. I'm happy to do this of course, and I'm going to contact our HV tomorrow for a 2nd opinion, but OMFG AAAARGH.
Not to mention my dad threatening to never speak to DH again if he does go out to support his mum at her wedding, but that's a whole juicy side issue I'm just not going to squeeze here.
So.
Thoughts? I was really looking forward to going, but I'm not going to continue with our plans if there's even a hint of an issue for my baby. If anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself.
AIBU?

lunar, why do you think her Dad sounds violent?

Crikey - I have 3 DCs, aged 3 and under abd manage to get out and about fine as does DH. You're DH will be fine. Get a double pram and out the DCs who run away in there. Obviously they will be strapped in and you can get extra straps, I think, if they wriggle out if the pram ones. Tough luck if they don't like prams etc. Choice is walk nicely or into the pram. The other alternative is proper reigns, not wrist straps. I know of no child who can escape reigns. It will probably be hot so they'll probably be glad of the pram though

I woukd then get a medical opinion from a specialist in imms/infectious diseases. If you live in a fairly urban area, usually one GP in each practice has a good bit of knowledge so ask the receptionist. If not, a travel clinic. Then take it from there.

your bloody illiterate iPhone

Sorry, I'd got muddled since reading the op, it's the op that's the violent sounding one, her dad just sounds like a shit stirrer.

If they slip out of wrist straps can't you put the kids in those harness reins things? That would be a lot safer

Writing that you'd like to kick someone in the tits is vile.

Being negative about mil's bloke because he's older and not sexy is vile.

Are you going to have a think about what posters have said about your ocd and the different possible scenarios to compromise on the trip?

So basically it's your OCD which is causing the issue? I'm a bit that your DH couldn't handle the 2 older DCs alone. When will you let him?!

'Kick her in the tits', 'slapped arse face' 'older, not sexy boyfriend' 'inviting half the fucking planet'

Wow. I don't think this is an MIL problem, this is a DIL problem.

Aaarrghhh - reins. I can bloody spell!

It's your OCD and your are being TOTALLY unreasonable. I don't think OCD is an excuse for behaving like a brat.

Do people have to pay for flights for babies now? I thought under 1 year had no seat so a nominal charge.

My DC are unvaccinated and we travel all over but if you are worried you can't go. It's worth checking yourself because there is a difference between the vaccinations recommended for an area and those affected by the purpose of your visit and where you are staying.

you are majorly overeacting, and being really nasty about your MIL too

ok, so dont take the baby. stay at home and let your GROWN ADULT husband take the other two

get a grip on your temper and your anxiety, because they are obviously causing you distress and making a solvable problem into a much bigger deal than it needs to be

I bet if the Mil was getting married in Southend-on-sea the OP would find a reason to be pissed off.

Why are you 'letting' your dh go only for a few days? I would be narked if I was mil. It's her son and granddaughters ffs. Give her a few days and she might be more reasonable in your eyes anyway, she's quite naturally upset at the moment. And would love to know why it's any of your dad's business!

You sound extremely unpleasant, verging on the DDIL from hell, I actually feel sorry for your MIL.
As for your DH being deemed incapable of looking after a couple of children for more than 5 minutes 😳
Perhaps your MIL will escape having her wedding ruined by your behaviour, and if that's what you think of her, by your non-attendance.

All of the issues you list on here OP are your fault.

Your poor dh not even able to do more with his own kids than the fucking nursery run.

As for your father...... I wonder where you get it from (not).

Dh takes the older kids for the full duration
Start him practicing now if it's a worry - they are his kids!
Then you either stay home with the little one or leave the little one with your mum for a couple of days while you go out and back.

gey advice from a specialist travel clinic on the exact area you're going. Some areas are much riskier than others. Having said that, I wouldn't take an unvaccinated one year old on that trip unless I had no choice..

Presumably MIL discussed the flights before she paid for them? This would have been the time to say "thanks MIL that's so generous but we won't be able to as DD will be unvaccinated" or "thanks ......... But we've got to check with the doctor first" if you didn't raise any concern and then let her fork out thousands for the plane ticket and then changed your mind then she has every right to be pissed off with you!
For what it's worth I wouldn't be happy taking a very young child to South America but wouldn't let someone pay for the flights and then tell them that.

To put another perspective, OP, which may or may not be relevant or useful: I used to live in a country tourists to that country were advised by their doctors to go for a slew of injections - few of which were necessary.

Your MIL may be way off the mark and your concerns legitimate - or she may know her country well enough to know that what is advised is an overblown precautionary measure. Hepatitis sometimes being one of those.

I'd speak to a medical professional in the country you're travelling to to get an opinion from someone 'on the ground' there.

I used to live in a country *where tourists to that country

Sorry I offended everyone.

When I get upset and/or angry like I said I try to use humour to defuse it, at least in my mind.
I would never actually kick her in the tits. I can't get my leg that high.
I don't hate her. I'm just frustrated and cross.
My OCD and anxiety are fairly rampant at the moment because my parents have been staying, and yes, my dad is a bit of an arsehole, and yes, that's where I get it from.
I shouldn't have phrased the post the way I did and I'm really sorry. Ironically I now feel about 100 times worse and no better, which is daftly what I was hoping for.

Thank you to those people who were able to get past the swearing and crossness and advise me. I really appreciate it.

Of course I'd be happy for DH to go and spend time with his mum at her wedding. I'd cope.
DD3 is ebf and has never had a bottle. My parents live several counties over (that's close enough) and the thought of leaving any of my children with them unsupervised fills me with dread, precisely because of how my dad is.

Anyway. I'm sorry, I won't be posting on any subject again, (at least not without wording it more carefully) and I guess I ABU.

The way you have wrote your post op sounds like your enjoying the drama a little too much.

There isn't a real reason why you and your baby stay home and your Dh goes and takes the kids - he just has to be extra vigilant. He is their dad he should be able to manage not to come home missing a child - plus there will be lots of family there helping him.

I think your a bit mean only allowing him a few day of he goes with out you. In fact if that was my husband telling me I could visit my patent for just a few days I'd tell him to piss off.

Your mil is going to lose ^a lot% of money because of you over reacting. I don't think that's fair so ...

YABU

I don't hate her. I'm just frustrated and cross

Yeah I bet she is too.

DD3 is ebf and has never had a bottle

But aren't we talking about next year, when she'll be eating normal food?