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Parenting

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Original poster

Respect our routine!

36 replies

user1472672639 · 31/08/2016 21:10

AIBU to get angry at people who don't realise how important our bedtime routine is?! People who come to visit and expect to stay late totally ruin the routine and then leave me struggling to get two children to sleep when they don't want to!! I can't be rude and ask visitors to leave but why do they come in the first place?! Does everyone else with young children not have routines?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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RiverTam · 31/08/2016 21:12

I think with young children you absolutely can ask them to leave. It's not just about the bedtime routine (which I certainly had with DD), it's the very fact of the visitors making them hyper when you want them to calm down before bedtime.

I would go on the basis that you turf out any visitors half an hour before you plan to stay bedtime.

Plenty of time for later visitors when the children are older.

RiverTam · 31/08/2016 21:12

Start bedtime

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 31/08/2016 21:14

FIL does this (mil used to every night before she was banned).

It really fucking annoys me

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Artandco · 31/08/2016 21:15

Bedtime for our children can be done with guests here. We haven't a set routine. So if guests here it's just a case of teeth and pjs on when tired, book read to them, kiss and goodnight. Carry on with evening

LillyBugg · 31/08/2016 21:19

Just don't bother asking them to leave and crack on with your routine. They'll either get the hint and go or hang around and have to wait until you're done.

Rainbowunicorn71 · 31/08/2016 21:25

I've struggled with this and have hit on the perfect solution. As soon as bath time (first event in our bed time routine) comes I tell ds bath time then say to visitors "do you want to give ds his bath or shall I leave you with the washing up?"
It works, either they make excuses, leave and don't stay late again.... Or they help. Easy.
If it's somebody I'm not close to and wouldn't want them bathing my child we skip the bath, put his pj's on and bring some books down.
"Right who's reading the bedtime story tonight?"

RiverTam · 31/08/2016 21:30

Art that's great if it works for your family but it wouldn't have for us at all at a certain age, and obviously isn't working for the OP.

Oly5 · 31/08/2016 21:31

I chill out, enjoy my guests and put the kids to bed a bit later, occasionally without a bath.
You sound wayyyyyyy too uptight imo

Original poster

user1472672639 · 31/08/2016 21:33

I would quite happily ignore them and crack on with bedtime but as someone else has mentioned - it's the hyper 3 year old all excited about having people round (usually always sister in law and her teens). Also we live in a flat so can't go upstairs/out of way for any quiet time! 😡

OP posts:

MirrorMirrorOnTheFloor · 31/08/2016 21:34

I say something along the lines of "bedtime now, feel free to watch telly / read a book, I'll be down in about half an hour".

I have kids who can't stay up later than usual without crying and getting upset and hugely over tired, if I had the sort that just keep going cheerfully until they nod off in a corner I wouldn't bother.

Original poster

user1472672639 · 31/08/2016 21:36

I don't want to have to put my child to bed later - he has to go to nursery for a full day 8-4pm and on the occasions we've had guests/bedtime has been later then the nursery staff tell me he nods off at the table during snack time!!

OP posts:

Poocatcherchampion · 31/08/2016 21:36

Why can't you just get on with it?

fabulous01 · 31/08/2016 21:38

I get on with it and ask people to leave. I don't give a hoot what they say

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 31/08/2016 21:38

Yeah my dd suffers the next day if she has had a late night and FIL calls in most nights till at least ten, so 'enjoying my guests' doesn't work for us!

SmallBee · 31/08/2016 21:41

I just put them to bed and ignore the guests or get them to help. Why don't you try that?

PrettyBotanicals · 31/08/2016 21:46

I think if you aren't able (space, the child) to be flexible and chilled, then maybe rearrange your visitors so there aren't any on a school night.

My three were constantly exposed to unexpected people dropping by (living in city, DH and I in sociable careers) so either went to bed with story tapes or sat quietly on laps while we talked and ate.

pictish · 31/08/2016 21:49

Tbh I never felt as you do, we just adapted...but then we're not routine loving people at the best of times so our kids have had to be flexible. They didn't have a nightly bath or drawn out bedtime either. Bath when they needed one and pyjamas and teeth followed by a short story otherwise. Very little fuss or ceremony.
Sometimes they would take a while longer to get to sleep if we had guests but we'd let that slide so long as they stayed in bed, which they did.
It was never an issue.

Brokenbiscuit · 31/08/2016 21:55

What pictish said. I have never really understood parents who live by super-strict routines, but if that's what works for you, then fair enough.Just tell your visitors that you need to get the kids to bed.

zzzzz · 31/08/2016 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1467393664 · 01/09/2016 07:08

For those with no strict routine you are perhaps the lucky ones not all children can adapt their routines easily and need that time to wind down. We have tried no routine and it doesn't work for my son he needs that time otherwise he's up until all hours.

We just don't have evening callers at bedtime for the moment and if anyone does call we just crack on with the routine.

Artandco · 01/09/2016 07:22

We live in a one bed flat, no huge house to escape to. You can still have quiet time etc with guests. If I want my 5 year old in bed by 9pm and guests over, by 8pm I would get them to play something quieter like draw, or maybe do a puzzle with guests or they might read to guests or alone. Then by 8.45pm they can just pjs and teeth, wipe face, and takes Dh, I or guests 10 mins to watch over and quick chapter of a story.

It's not like our guests are people we have never met, they are friends and family. They like helping with bedtime.

If it's grandparents visiting why can't they just have some tea whilst bath done, and then they read story? It's not saying no routine, but be flexible. A bath every day isn't needed either, if they are dirty a quick 3 min shower is sufficient.

People visiting probably just don't think they are making that much of an issue. How long do you not want guests in the evening? 2 years? 5 years? 18 years?
What if you have another child? First child will have someone else there then also.
A routine is fine, but a strict routine in everyday life isn't really realistic if you want to gt on with life. What do you do abroad? Is it strict bath and bed at 7pm when everyone else has just woken from a siesta?

Xmasbaby11 · 01/09/2016 07:28

We've always had visitors and dd are now 2 and 4 and no problem putting them to bed with them around. I just leave them having drinks and nibbles in the lounge while Dh and I put them to bed - I pop up and down. But we're lucky we have a biggish house and that the dc can cope with later bedtimes. They are excited by visitors but still happily go to bed, maybe a bit later than usual.

In your situation i can see it's hard - maybe tell visitors in advance it's not a good time to be around.

claraschu · 01/09/2016 07:48

Children are fine with what they are used to. Lots of kids, and lots of cultures around the world don't have a bedtime of a strict routine.

Obviously the OP wants to live her life in a certain way, which works for her. The only thing which I would argue with is this : "why do they come in the first place?! Does everyone else with young children not have routines?!"

I think the OP should just tell her guests in a nice way what she wants, because lots of people would not realise what is going on. Not everyone likes routine, or is even aware of it.

NotCitrus · 01/09/2016 08:30

I tell my guests (people round at least weekly) that I'm about to be unsociable for about an hour.
Guests are happy to potter and use wifi or read for the duration. Ones who offer to help prepare adult dinner get invited repeatedly!

pictish · 01/09/2016 08:39

I agree as regards to, "Why do they come in the first place?! Does everyone else with young children not have routines?!"

I don't suppose many people think the 'bedtime routine' (as opposed to simply putting the kids to bed) is as sacred and important as the OP does...we certainly didn't and don't. It wouldn't occur to me that I had to stay away in reverence of it.

No, not everyone with young children is imprisoned by elaborate routines.

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