Respect our routine!

[user1472672639]

AIBU to get angry at people who don't realise how important our bedtime routine is?! People who come to visit and expect to stay late totally ruin the routine and then leave me struggling to get two children to sleep when they don't want to!! I can't be rude and ask visitors to leave but why do they come in the first place?! Does everyone else with young children not have routines?!

I'm with Pictish - guests can entertain themselves and if it's family then they get roped into help with bath and bed. But if needs be we drop the bath and push bedtime back by 30-60 mins.

We have a nice little routine and I don't like bedtime being pushed too far back but I don't think it's good for anyone to be rigid about it - I think it's good for the DCs to be exposed to adult company, conversation, etc, and occasionally we take them out for dinner or whatever. I don't want my life or their's dictated by it being 6.53 therefore must be story time - that sounds exhausting and no fun.

My dc are fairly routiney babies, they have had a bedtime routine from being 6 months old (they're 2.8 and 13 months). If we have guests we just do it around them, so we'd skip bath, put them in to their pjs, give them some milk and a story down stairs then up to bed. So we really only have to leave our guests for the 5 minutes it takes to actually put them into bed.

it's the hyper 3 year old all excited about having people round (usually always sister in law and her teens

Teens are great for helping with toddlers. As are adult friends and family. Delegate.

My DS (14 months) has quite a set routine, usually in bed by 7. We're lucky in that it doesn't take a long time though and I'll just leave guests to amuse themselves for 10-15 min while I do bedtime. Some guests like to help out with DS and some will get started on the dinner or whatever.

Usually DH and I have a rule that if it's his friends I do bedtime and my friends he'll do it, but it doesn't take very long usually so it's not a big deal

OP, YANBU about asking the guests to leave if your children react badly to having their routine upset.

But YABU to expect people to be exactly like you or to know by some kind of instinct what you are like.

Many families deliberately try to avoid a rigid routine. Some families take young children travelling, others holiday together with other young families, or have frequent overnight visitors.

Thinking about it I've probably not worded the original post very well. We don't have a very strict/ridged routine and bedtimes do vary within reason if we've been out for dinner for example. However my son can't just come home and go straight to bed. He needs a good 20/30 mins of quiet time to wind down enough to go to bed otherwise it's just a battle to get him to calm down and sleep.
When sister in law and her teenage children visit they think nothing of staying late and playing tickling games/hide and seek and general rowdiness!
I suppose I just need to "man up" and ask them all to calm down and do something quiet 😩

Ah OP you have rather come across in a way you didn't intend.
This is about your sil, not your bedtime routine.

For me, there comes a point where I need them to be in bed so I can take off my mum hat for the day.

It's about both really! I don't understand how she can think it's ok to interrupt bedtime in such a way! I shouldn't be left feeling annoyed by it all - surely she should have some understanding and ask her teenage children to calm down too!?
To be honest it isn't just my sil- various friends and family visit in an evening and disrupt bedtime but some people should have more understanding than others!!

Can you just be former with them then?

Say 'sil, I need x in bed by 8.30pm or he's miserable the next day. Whilst he loves tickle games, we need him calmer after 7.30pm so he will settle. He would love a story with you though if your here'

I was always more into a bedtime routine than DS. If I'd been up since 6am I was counting the minutes to bedtime so I could clock off. He always had a silly half hour of energy just before bed but he went anyway.

I don't like pop in guests and wouldn't make plans during the week. One of DHs uncles pops in on Sunday night. I like to get everything ready for the week so I just crack on and leave them to it. He thinks I'm rude, I am a bit. Love making food and enjoy company but HATE pop ins, especially on Sunday nights.

I think a lot of people with small children have routines. Your sil either didn't or has forgotten what it's like. If your DS us falling asleep the next day he isn't getting enough sleep. Either make different plans, ask her to quieten things down or help.

Also, I would never pop in. Hypothetically I'd never call around bedtime for small children, it's inconsiderate.