SIL wants to use my newborn as comforter

[annomm]

I don't know how to feel about this, my sil is starting counselling this week due to depression and her relationships with people. She wants to come to mine after her session to cuddle my baby.
My reason for asking is that I know babies are receptive to people's moods so I don't want my baby to feel stressed/sad/emotional/upset after
What to do?!

dame that's different from an aunt asking to come straight from therapy which could be traumatic to op home and to sit there holding the baby expecting some Devine comfort from a wriggling baby - week in week out.

Could she maybe volunteer to call into an animal rescue centre instead? Spending time with animals can be lovey and calming, and the animals would benefit too.

Throughout this thread there is an undercurrent that people should not talk about depression (mostly from the OP). I don't suffer from depression but I don't see why a relative telling me about that is much different to a relative telling me about her back pain.
Did the OP ever say the exact words used by the SIL? I don't think so, which makes it hard to judge. "Hope therapy goes well sil" "yes though I think I'll probably be upset after - I'll come round for a cuddle with lo to cheer myself up!" Or, "therapy will upset me so I need to use your baby as a comfort every week after my session".

lggi so you have just made up your own scenario and conversation? Ok.

I have/do suffer from MH and still wouldn't expect to use a child as an emotional crutch. It's really not fair on those involved. The op felt that the sil wanted to make this a regular thing do that's all we have to go off.

But if you want to make your own dialogs up - crack on

she said she wanted to specifically come to mine to cuddle my baby to make her feel better, which is fine I do believe a cuddle with baby even and animal is lovely!

This is what the OP said her SIL said, which to me doesn't sound like she said 'please may I use your baby every week as an emotional crutch'. Unless there is more that was said that we don't know about.

Dutch I made up two scenarios, showing that how the request was made would make a difference to how it comes across and how reasonable it was. I was pointing out that the OP has not given us that precise info so it's all guesswork.
Did you think I thought I had some sort of divine power to know exactly what was actually said?

dutch human crutch?

Listen to yourself do fucks sake.

for

I doubt a therapist would object to spending time with family members after a session. Sounds a very good idea to surround yourself with people you love. And a little nuzzle with a baby is even nicer.

I very much doubt she'd pin the baby down and demand a cuddle if she was fractious seriously I wonder how some people's brains work!!

dame it's subjective really. We only have to go off what the op said in her original post. Sil is having therapy - after the therapy she wants to come and cuddle op baby.

Not have a walk with friends and family or a brew and a chat or just to sit and be quite - it's quiet specific and pre planned. Op baby is not a doll and shouldn't be used in some one else's MH recovery/wellness.

And tbh dame MH comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people with MH can rely on certain people or props too much and that is not fair on the op. It really isn't down to op or her baby to heal sil, that's down to sil, her gp and therapist.

itsthe - yes I have heard myself, I wrote it. I've lived with MH issues in my mothers house since I can remember and kids are not or should not be used as crutches.

How many of us have come home from a hard day at the office and asked our partners for a hug?

yes a partner is there to help you through the bad times as well as the good. A child is not and has not ever signed up to that. big difference. I have had depression btw and therapy. My therapist also agreed with me on this.

This thread baffles me completely.

Your sis has asked to cuddle your newborn, she is going through a difficult time. Your sis has little experience in handling babies and got it wrong once by almost waking your baby up for a cuddle.

If your baby does not want held by your sis your baby will make it perfectly bloody clear. This will probably put your sis off. If your baby is happy with the situation it causes you no pain and your baby gets a lovely cuddle from their auntie.

I really really don't see the problem.

As pp have said, if your sis was crying over your baby 24hrs a day, there would be a problem (and even then not an unfixable one, plenty of babies survive very well with mothers who suffer from PND)

Your feelings about supporting your sis with her depression and counselling however need examining. It seems that you are happy to be a shoulder to cry on as long as it doesn't actually mean you have to put yourself out. Which is great, or its better than nothing. Lots of family members walk away when someone is suffering from depression. So well done on being there for her.

Perhaps, instead of worrying yourself silly over nothing, you could use this time to teach your sis about baby care.....or at least how waking a sleeping baby is not helpful

A child is not and has not ever signed up to that

The baby won't even know.

Well said running