Seriously need advice re 5/6 month old breastfed baby - sleep/feeds. At wits end :(

[seri0usly]

Hi all.

Really hoping somebody can offer me some advice as I'm at breaking point with exhaustion/sleep deprivation and basically dont know whether I'm coming or going each day. My 5.5 month old is exclusively breastfed and every day is still very different with no structure or routine. I'm sure this works for some people but it doesn't work for me nor him. I am exhausted, he looks very tired too. Today he slept this morning 9am-10.30 but I haven't been able to get him to sleep since. Feeds are all over the place. He is unsettled at night. He can't fall asleep on his own. He won't go in his cot. The longest he ever sleeps now is 2 hours day or night.

I genuinely feel there is something wrong with my milk? Maybe the quality isn't good enough as I'm so tired and probably not getting the nutrition I should be. I feel so depleted. At least if I gave formula I'd be able to read his signs better, know that he can't really be hungry as he's had X amount of milk so far today.

I'm going out of my mind. I'm too tired now to know what to do. Can anyone help? What is the structure of your 5-6 month old's day if they are BF?

I have another child who is pretty much ignored now or snapped at. She watches far too much TV and has very little attention from me. My husband and I are constantly arguing. I really feel like walking out. It isn't PND, its just sheer exhaustion.

How can I get a routine in place so I know what's next? I have tried so many times and it never ever happens. He wakes from naps early, he wakes for the day at different times, he relies on feed to sleep so EASY doesn't work, he is hysterical if I try and break this, he falls asleep at different times each night even though the bedtime routine is always done at the same time. Its sending me demented!

We do try every night to do bath, PJs, milk at almost exactly the same time and with sleep cues like Ewan and comforter etc. Some nights he drops off easily, others takes hours. He always wakes within 45mins or so anyway.

How on earth do I make things better for the good of the whole family. I can't take it any longer :(

FYI I had none of these issues with my first, none at all.

Oh seri0usly I'm sorry to hear that, but it is just a set back, it was never going to be fixed in just a couple of nights. It's so hard just surviving the day when you're that tired though.

Stick with it. Give it a good try for a couple of weeks. It's very hard when they're hot, hopefully tonight will be cooler.

Then if you're not getting anywhere and if money allows, think about getting some outside help. A night nanny or a consultation with somewhere like Millpond. My SIL used them with just phone support and found it invaluable.

Hang on in there. Rest when you can. Get through anyway you can.

Everything I did for about a week that worked to some extent now no longer works. He absolutely won't be cuddled to sleep ( perhaps too hot), won't be put in the cot, won't be fed to sleep. Nothing works. I just don't even know what to do now :(

Ok, we need more info. Is this for all naps and bedtime? How long for? Could it be teeth - have you tried painkillers? All babies have days like this so it might not be something you have or haven't done

Hang in there seriously I do hope it passes soon for you.

How has the weekend been seri0usly? You sounded pretty desperate in your last post and I very much remember that feeling.

If nothing is soothing him, and you've checked for things like ear infections, it may be better for your sanity to do controlled crying. Personally I'm not a fan and it didn't work for us, but it does work for some, surprisingly quickly.

Have a look at the Millpond website which may be an option.

It's horrible being sleep deprived. It takes very little to send you past the point of coping, or it did with me. I remember so many moments crying like a baby myself because I just desperately wanted to sleep. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. I've managed to catch up a little on sleep this weekend as DH has been around and allowed me to catch the odd couple hours here and there so I'm feeling ok today.

Keep trying to remind myself how far we've come but it's frustrating when I can't see why a certain night has been a disaster...like last night. I don't get why he woke every hour when several nights we've been down to 2 wakings Can see the hot weather created issues mid week and hoping to get back on track now it's cooling. Had a 'perfect' day of naps today so intrigued to see if this does make a difference like people say it does. Almost don't want to jinx it by saying out loud but the biggest change has been that he now naps really well in his cot predictably and easily. I'm spending the week at home so this continues and so that he consistently feels well rested come night time.

Also trying formula as the last feed from tomorrow to see if a full belly makes a difference.

We have allowed him to cry at times and it's relentless and hysterical so I really can't see how controlled crying can work for us but DH is all for it. Taking each day at a time. It's an option if things deteriorate!

I just can't believe my first slept 7pm-7am

Last night he wouldn't settle until 9pm, woke 11.30, 12.30, 2 and 5. Wide awake at 5 not able to get back to sleep. Happy & smiley though. He's currently chatting away next door with the odd cry. I will have to get up for the day in a minute, completely exhausted.

His naps yesterday were :

Wake 6.45
Nap 8.45pm for 1.5 hrs
Nap 1pm for 1.5 hrs
Nap 5pm pram for 30 mins
Bath & bedtime routine aiming for 7.30 sleep but didn't go down in cot until 9.

What should I change?
This has been his routine for much of the last 10 days (2 long naps in cot, 1 cat nap pram) so going to try the Gina ford timings of short morning nap to see if that changes anything. Unfortunately he needs the cat nap but it also puts him off bedtime. I might try cutting that out in a week or so and giving him an early bedtime.

He was put down completely awake (but drowsy) in cot at 2am and settled himself to sleep within 5 minutes - he still only slept 3 hours so I'm not even convinced self settling is the complete issue for him??!

5 month old BF baby here
Our day goes like this

Wakes at 7 (after waking at 4 but going back to sleep after a quick feed).
Awake for the shool run etc but will sleep in pushchair at 1130 when I collect middle DC from.nursery. how long the sleep is depends on whether she stays asleep once we are home.

She's generally awake until 430/5 when she will have another hour or so before going to bed at 8.

My first was a nightmare for sleep so I do know how you feel. Hang in there it gets better. I always tend to feel better if I just get up and out the house don't know if this is an option for you.
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Sleepingbunnies - does your baby settle to sleep themselves or do they have a sleep prop (feeding/rocking)? How much daytime sleep are they having roughly?

Is the room dark? My dc always woke at 5am for the day if the gro blackout blind had fallen down!

Also, which wakings did you feed him at? My 5 month ebf baby was feeding at 7pm, 1am, 5am and 7am so I just had to wait until he dropped the feeds himself.

You could try dropping the tea time nap and just put him to bed earlier? My second DS was a terrible napper when he was that age - I frequently put him to bed at 6pm!

My first was like that, always on the boob. I had a meltdown because of it but I was a stubborn cow and refused to go on to formula. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Try formula and see if it makes a difference as it fills them up for longer as its harder to digest.
DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND THINK YOUR MILK IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! That is total rubbish. It gets easier. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will, and you're doing great x

Universaltruth- room dark generally. I'm feeding him at 1.30 and 4.30 so similar to your situation. Sometimes 10pm ish too. Just concentrating very hard at the moment on ensuring he takes full full feeds during the day (usually 7ish, 10-11, 2-3 and 6) as he often gets distracted. Until he's eating well on solid food I accept a couple of night feeds. I just can't handle the 6+ wakings a night any more.

Toominty - I definitely want to try dropping the early eve nap. A 6pm bedtime would be fine but if it has to be much earlier than that then I don't think it would work as it would likely mean such an early rise the next day which has a knock on effect for the day x

Fluffymummykins - happy to introduce formula as the last bottle but not convinced it'll make any difference as think it's more of a sleep association problem. Can only try!

I tried the formula for the last feed thing - didn't make any difference, just gave me more evidence it was a sleep association thing!

Everything does get easier when you introduce solids - can get a structure to the day and feel more certain that they aren't hungry.

Think our routine after 6 months went something like:
Bf
Breakfast
Nap
Bf
Lunch
Nap
Bf
Tea
Pjs on
Bf
Story
Bed
(one night feed at about 3am until I decided to night wean at about 7 months)

Thanks for the routine toominty. Helpful :)

Definitely sleep association. Really putting my all into it this week in preparation for my husband to help fri/sat/sun day & night as I think we may need to get a little tougher to speed the process up. Exhaustion doesn't even cover it! Really feeling like I must resolve this issue before Sept when my daughter starts school as she is getting woken throughout the night and looks tired.

No worries. It's hard when you've got other kids to worry about - luckily my older son now sleeps so soundly that he doesn't even wake up when his little brother is shouting in the same room a few feet away!

I know CC isn't for everyone but it worked for us, and although it means more tears in the short-term the long term outcome was definitely less crying, more sleep and a happier baby.

How did you do if toominty? And how many days did it take??

Now you are testing my memory as it was over 3 years ago...

I think we started out doing proper CC - so bath, pjs, feed (10 minutes max each side, woken up if fed to sleep) story, put down. Leave two minutes, go in, don't pick up but say "shh it's ok, go to sleep" or similar. Then leave 5 minutes, then leave 10 minutes and so on. But it actually made it worse as every time I went in he screamed really hard when I left. So I changed it to more like CIO where I left him for 20 minutes straight away - with the intention of going in if he didn't settle in that time but he always did. And I'm sure it only took a couple of nights before he didn't cry at all, just sang/chatted himself to sleep (which he still does now!). Nap times took a bit longer I think - I always find it hard to judge the optimum nap window! I think we also put him to bed a bit too late - kept him up til Daddy got home from work but probably shouldn't have done as he was overtired by then.

I was like this and went to formula. I couldn't take anymore. I turned into someone I didn't know. Now sleeps through and now back to normal, thank goodness