Seriously need advice re 5/6 month old breastfed baby - sleep/feeds. At wits end :(

[seri0usly]

Hi all.

Really hoping somebody can offer me some advice as I'm at breaking point with exhaustion/sleep deprivation and basically dont know whether I'm coming or going each day. My 5.5 month old is exclusively breastfed and every day is still very different with no structure or routine. I'm sure this works for some people but it doesn't work for me nor him. I am exhausted, he looks very tired too. Today he slept this morning 9am-10.30 but I haven't been able to get him to sleep since. Feeds are all over the place. He is unsettled at night. He can't fall asleep on his own. He won't go in his cot. The longest he ever sleeps now is 2 hours day or night.

I genuinely feel there is something wrong with my milk? Maybe the quality isn't good enough as I'm so tired and probably not getting the nutrition I should be. I feel so depleted. At least if I gave formula I'd be able to read his signs better, know that he can't really be hungry as he's had X amount of milk so far today.

I'm going out of my mind. I'm too tired now to know what to do. Can anyone help? What is the structure of your 5-6 month old's day if they are BF?

I have another child who is pretty much ignored now or snapped at. She watches far too much TV and has very little attention from me. My husband and I are constantly arguing. I really feel like walking out. It isn't PND, its just sheer exhaustion.

How can I get a routine in place so I know what's next? I have tried so many times and it never ever happens. He wakes from naps early, he wakes for the day at different times, he relies on feed to sleep so EASY doesn't work, he is hysterical if I try and break this, he falls asleep at different times each night even though the bedtime routine is always done at the same time. Its sending me demented!

We do try every night to do bath, PJs, milk at almost exactly the same time and with sleep cues like Ewan and comforter etc. Some nights he drops off easily, others takes hours. He always wakes within 45mins or so anyway.

How on earth do I make things better for the good of the whole family. I can't take it any longer :(

FYI I had none of these issues with my first, none at all.

Just remember, it takes them at least 3 nights to adjust to any change, so expect it to get worse before it gets better.

Think about it from his perspective - he's used to dark and warmth at night equaling feeding. His tummy is used to being full at night, he can't sleep without it. He's going to be VERY annoyed at just having a cuddle and not bf. Just keep reminding yourself you're not starving him. He's very able to go 4 hours without a feed, he just prefers the snack bar option!

By the way, to remove just before sleep, wait for the fluttery sucks and then put your finger in to break the seal (sorry if obvious). If he cries, either feed again and retry, or just cuddle, whichever you prefer, but be consistent.

Hopefully he'll be hungrier in the day and start to feed more in his waking hours.

Good luck!

My 2 never got the white noise thing. DD loves Ewan though!

Try leaving the radio on, untuned so not digital, and that'll give you white noise without having to buy a cd.

We play white noise all night via Bluetooth speakers and my iPad. DS drifts back to sleep v easily. Definitely a sleep association for him now but tbh I don't care as its no inconvenience to us - helps me sleep too!!

How was the night seri0usly?

How did you get on seriously? My way of breaking the whole feed to sleep thing is to unlatch when I hear fluttery sucks as bacon describes and then put him in his sleeping bag before cot. It wakes him up just enough that he falls asleep in the cot. Going to try the 4 hour feed recommendations tonight as our issue is with (very) frequent wakings.
Hope you managed some sleep in the end, this really is shitty!

It was an enormous success really, using the gentler approach suggested by HP! We only had 2 wakings / 2 night feeds at 12.30 and 4.35 so he slept some really good chunks :) I was sure my presence in the room with him was disturbing him so there's no turning back now. Up for the day just before 7.

Feeling confident we can reduce the night feeding further... the second waking he woke up cold, not all that hungry. He hates the grobag so will find another solution as he's always kicking the blankets off. It's such a relief to see him sleep soundly in his cot. I guess within a few days he will be even more settled in his cot as he gets used to the fact that's where he sleeps all night every single night.

Thank you all so much. This thread was just what I needed to push me to make real change

That's great news seri0usly! I find that every positive change makes the next one easier so fingers crossed for ongoing improvement. Re white noise, I "tune" the FM radio to a station that doesn't exist iyswim so it's just static noise.

Amazing!! Well done OP! Yes we do the radio thing too :)

Brilliant news! Well done!

Stick with it, you'll have harder nights and easier ones, but you'll get there.

With the blankets, I used to flip them horizontally so there was a long end to tuck in. In the winter I used a single size duvet horizontally, fully tucked under like an envelope. Some babies like the comfort of being tucked in, DS did. DD not so much!!

Really hope this is a turning point for you. All the best for a sleep filled future!

Glad it's going well. I think you get sleep suits which are kind of like sleeping bags but with legs - maybe Verbaudet or Jo Jo Maman Bebe?

Toominty - I came across the jojo ones first thing this morning. I'm going to order! Although it looks like we might have a bit of a heatwave this week.

DS went down in his cot earlier and easier this evening and is still asleep 1.5 hours later. That right there is amazing progress already.lomh

Hurray! Now I just have to get my nearly two year old to do the same (he used to, but we got into some bad habits on holiday trying to avoid waking up the whole extended family...)

So glad he went down easier. It's so heartening to see a bit of progress when you're doing this, makes it easier to carry on. Did he sleep reasonably through the night?

I'm going to start this tonight, only just had chance to read the full thread hp posted. Although it's boiling here so don't know whether to feed on wake ups to keep ds hydrated?

Depending on his age, you could either go for 3 hourly gaps for feeding, water in a bottle or water in a soppy cup. IME there's always a reason not to start. You can always let them sleep in just a nappy to reduce the over heating.

Sippy not soppy!

He's 6 months so only just starting to have water tbh but there's no harm in me taking a sippy cup up later just in case. I think I'll feel more comfortable with 3 hourly feeds if he wakes up for them. I think this hot spell is only going to last a few days so will start on the 4 hours towards the end of the week. We've got a summer sleeping bag so I'm not worried about overheating especially as will be gro recommendations. Here goes!

Oh this heat has really put a spanner in the works. Arghh. He woke up after 20 mins this eve too hot - I took his sleepsuit off, put a vest on and opened his window but he's taken ages to drop off... He's in the cot now but I'm sat in his room wondering whether to tuck him in with a receiving blanket or not? I think he'll wake with it on (too hot) but wake with it off (doesn't feel secure with nothing tucking him in). What to do?!

Also wondering if more breastfeeding would be expected in hot weather overnight? I know I've been drinking a lot more today.

Oh the heat is hard! Do you have a sheet you could put over him when you go up to bed? Or even just a large muslin? Though tbh I remember DS being in just a vest all night when abroad. Have a feel of his hands and if warm, leave him in just the vest perhaps.
I would offer water at his age, in a cup or bottle but I wouldn't bf personally if you want to keep going. Fair enough to delay progressing until the weather settles though. I really don't think there's a right answer.

Was last night reasonable?

Last night was pretty much as good as the night before - better in the sense that he was down by 8pm so I actually had an evening for the first time in months.

We had 3 wakings. I've realised that I need to change his nappy (too sodden by 3am onwards otherwise) with the first feed and really make sure he takes a full feed at that sitting in the hope it might take him through until morning, so will try that tonight.

We also had brilliant naps in the cot today. I feel like a new person to not be bed sharing any more. I've actually been cheerful today .

This evening not going too well. I'm so annoyed as I'm sure he's just unsettled with the heat but scared the work we've done so far will be lost if this continues. 2 wakings so far

No, no, the good work isn't lost! It's about you learning too don't forget. There will always be hiccups, when he's ill or if you've been on holiday. Just keep going.

Try different nappies - going up a size for nighttime sometimes works p, or using the + size (4+) for more absorbency, or add an extra, larger nappy over the top. It might be useful even to change his nappy, as he'll not be bf to sleep.

You're doing brilliantly! But it will always be 2 steps forward and 1 back. You need to look at the long game. Aim for improvement over a 2 week period. One bad night doesn't mean anything, nor does one good one.

Keep cuddling and don't lose heart.

Thanks HP. I can't actually believe the progress that's been made already. I don't know why I didn't take control sooner! Things can only get better :)

Seems like back to square 1. Last night was awful because of the heat. I didn't have the energy for it. I have never felt tiredness like it. I honestly feel like I want to die today :( It shouldn't be this hard to have a baby should it.

I can highly recommend the new pampers baby dry nappies for night time! They have a different image in the packet which shows 3 absorbent channels.

I also have this which plays lullabies, rainforest sounds or white noise for 30 minutes... I try not to use it and get DD to self settled but she's been really clingy this week so used it tonight to avoid going back to feeding to sleep. I'm sure you can find it cheaper:

Rainforest Soother