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Parenting

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Original poster

Mums over 40

113 replies

follydog · 23/01/2007 17:22

Hi there,

Any other mums over 40 out there? I am 42 and my ds is 8 months old. Would dearly love to hear others experiences.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JanH · 27/01/2007 17:59

(Or you are allowed to give out your proper address, if you want, lots of us do from time to time, but it's a good idea to put spaces in it to thwart automatic address-hunters)

Mog · 27/01/2007 18:10

Freckle - your ds1 must be nearly a teenager. I think that's when they sort of become aware of age. Have they mentioned you are older than friends mums or dads? But maybe you're not.
My MIL and SIL (who had kids in their 20's) say the good thing about having kids older is that you don't suffer from empty nest syndrome. Reaching your 40's and having to redefine who you are. Instead you have them with you until probably past retirement age and then when they leave you're ready to downsize and take life easy.

suejonezisdanielsmummy · 27/01/2007 20:13

Notanotter - warms my cockles too - can't bring myself to call him my son yet - sounds like I'm talking about someone else!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

christie1 · 27/01/2007 20:21

had my 5th at 41 so count me in.

suedonim · 27/01/2007 23:14

Follydog, contact me as well, if you wish.

sazzybee · 28/01/2007 00:11

I've just turned 43 and expecting my first baby in March. I had donor insemination after years of waiting to meet my perfect man

Happy to chat to you follydog

auntymandy · 28/01/2007 07:51

follydog my email is [email protected]

contact me if you like.

due number 6 in June and am 41

Freckle · 28/01/2007 07:58

Mog, none of the boys has mentioned that I am older than other mums. I think I'm probably the oldest mum in the school (particularly for DS3), but I'm told I don't look it! I think it's a lot to do with attitude of mind and mine's still about 16 years old .

I don't dress differently than the other mums (well, probably do from those in their 20s), natter about the same things, my views on the world are not necessarily more staid or fixed, etc. So, as I don't look a lot older, I don't think it's that obvious.

Mind you, the boys are always telling me I'm not fat, so perhaps their view of me is skewed!

Hermit · 28/01/2007 10:27

I'm happy to do the questionnaire too!

fizzbuzz · 28/01/2007 11:13

Can I ask on this thread, does any one feel guilty on behalf of their child for having them late?

I was a baby from older parents, and always wanted my children earlyish. I hd ds at 29. However life doesn't always work as you want it, and had dd at 42.

I feel v guilty that I won't give her what she wants eg, youth, and to be around her for a long time. I think this is because of my older parents. When I was in my 30's I felt quite resentful about this, and don't want to wish it on her.

Is it just me?

Freckle · 28/01/2007 11:34

No, of course I don't feel guilty. After all, what would the alternative be? Not have them at all??

I would have loved to have had my children earlier, but life just didn't work out that way. I feel that I give my children the best I can and I can probably offer them things now at my age that I couldn't have done at an earlier age, such as financial security (as much as that is possible these days) and experience, etc.

Mog · 28/01/2007 11:38

I wouldn't use the word guilt.
But I do sometimes wish that I could slow down the signs of time on my face. So that I didn't look all wrinkly when they're in teenage years.
But I do exercise a lot so I hope to be fit in my later years and hopefully will be active and therefore more 'youthful'.

can you expand fizzbuzz on why you were resentful in your 30's. I think it's a very interesting question to discuss.
Like you there are a few on here who had children in their 20's and then later. What are the differences? I think I have quite a lot of energy for my kids but have nothing to compare it with.

evenhope · 28/01/2007 11:48

I'm 43 and 33 wks pg with no 5. Had my first at 22 and my youngest is now 15. Feeling my age at the mo because of the pgcy and very frustrated that I can't do anything (like walk!). Just had yet another row with v stroppy 15 yo and can't be bothered with it all.

Somehow having a job to make the connection between this lively heavy bump and a real baby.. doesn't seem like there actually will be one at the end of it. Can't remember what to do with babies arrrrgggghhhh!!

Happy to complete a questionaire if you want to send one.

NotAnOtter · 28/01/2007 13:08

what fun evenhope!! nosy now!! why te huge gap?

fizzbuzz · 28/01/2007 13:51

I think I resented the fact that everyone I knew had grandparents the same my mum. Everyone's parents were able to help with their children, whereas I had to help my mum and look after ds. I don't know if this is selfish, I suppose it is.

My mum had a very young outlook on life which I suppose is what was important. However I knew I wanted children young, even befor I had them, because my mum had me when she was older, and I wanted to be young for and with my kids. I also remember when I was young being aware that my mum was older than average, and I was terrified she would die. I think it is probably that more than anything else which makes me feel guilty for ds. Also my dad died when I was very little, and I worry that ths will happen to dd.

I know you can argue that people can die at ay time, but the odds do increase as you get older! Having said that I am a much more patient and aware mother than I was to dd.

sazzybee · 28/01/2007 14:14

I do feel a bit worried about dying when my LO's youngish but then there's no guarantees in this world. I come from a long line of long healthy people so I'm lucky in that respect.

I also think it's different now - most of my friends in their late 30s/early 40s have very young children. It's much more common than it used to be so I hope my LO won't feel that I stand out from the other mums.

Mind you - no one thinks I'm more than 35 at the mo - sure that will change once I'm a mum

sazzybee · 28/01/2007 14:14

I meant 'long lived healthy people' - soz

Elibean · 28/01/2007 15:19

Oooh, this is a thread I am eligible for

I had dd1 at 43 after years of failed IVFs and miscarriages. And dd2 was conceived when I was 45...I'm now 46, and she's 9 weeks old. Both pregnancies were ok - no worse than any of my friends', better than many, but yes the second one was more tiring!

I do feel too old sometimes...but at the same time, I had no choice about having my children earlier, so thats just how it is. Both my grandmothers lived till their late 90s (one is nearly 100 now and still all there) so I'm hoping to do the same and be there for my girls for a long time yet. Most of the time I just feel like a mother: dd2 was really ill over Xmas (bronchiolitis) and on the HDU of our local hospital for a week. Not once did I think of my age, or did any of the staff or parents seem to either - we were just all parents together, when push came to shove, age mattered not a bean.

That said, yes, I do sometimes feel guilty. As mothers do

Elibean · 28/01/2007 15:20

follydog, I once had the same thought - a book of womens' stories would be great. So do CAT me if you like - though with a 3 yr old and a 9 week old, it may be a few days before I can reply!

Elibean · 28/01/2007 15:21

Oh, and one more post

My best and oldest friend, by sheer coincidence, had her two girls at 40 and 44. And my sister's best and oldest friend had two young, then twins at 49 'by mistake'....

You lot are spring chickens

Mog · 28/01/2007 17:30

sazzybee - People used to ALWAYS be surprised how old I was. Three children in 4 yoears and not a one is

auntymandy · 28/01/2007 17:41

at least we arent 68!!!!

I think thats too old!
I dont even think of myselr as an older mum. Maybe because I have been a mum for 16 years already!!!
I do all the same things as all the other mums do. What cant I do because I am 41 and not 21

becaroo · 28/01/2007 17:58

Here's me thinking I am too old at 34...am a complete wuss!

sazzybee · 28/01/2007 18:06

Mog

Oh well - at least I'm mentally prepared

evenhope · 29/01/2007 07:50

Notanotter- fun wasn't exactly the word I'd choose.....

Bit of a 'surprise' actually.

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