Me and Dp keep disagreeing on Discipline

[Nutcracker]

He thinks I should smack them and I don't. I have smacked them before but it hasn't made any difference so now I don't.

The main prob is with Dd2. She is a handful (or several) and I am now completely at a loss as what to do with her really.

Yesterday we went out for the day. On our way back to the car we stopped at a cheapy shop for a quick mouch. Dd1 asked for a sticker set and i said she could have it. I then told Dd2 she could have one too. Dd2 said she didn't want them ,could she have something else. I said no because most of it was crap and i knew she would take all day to choose (the shop was shutting).
I told her, stickers or nothing, so she picked up something else and tried to run out of the shiop with it. I caught her and put the stuff back, and she then took off around the shop.
Eventually I got her and took her out of the shop and refused to let her have the stickers (she had changed her mind by then).
Dp thinks I should of smacked her. I think that not letting her have the stickers was quite enough to show her I wasn't pleased.
He said i am a pushover and the kids do what they like. I don't agree but do admitt that I feel out of my depth with Dd2 as she often behaves like that when i'm on my own with her and Ds and then i can't chase after her.

Sorry for the wittering, just wondered what everyone thought.

Nutty - The Little Angels series is starting on Tuesday on BBC1 at 7pm if that's any help to you.

Hi Nutcracker,

afraid I haven't read all the other posts but wanted to add a couple of things: firstly that yes four-year olds do still often act in a way we think unreasonable for all sorts of reasons. so just because she does things like this doesn't mean you're getting it wrong - it's all still part of the growing up process. I also wanted to tell you what my four-year old said to me the other day, which really brought me up sharp and made me realise how clever they can be: we were out for teh day and she was being a right old pain in the neck. Eventually I said "we won;t bring you out on nice days like this anymore if you behave like this" I didn't really think of it as an empty threat - I didn't really think abuot it at all - it was just something to say. Anyway the reply was "Yes you will: you won't remember". I was absolutely stunned! I think it goes to show that they're paying a lot more attention than you sometimes think and that consistency is incredibly important. Agree that star charts can be good but sometimes you do need threats too. Withdrawal of bits of routine such as tv or favourite toys are the only ones I can think of to suggest. On the original q I'm passionately against smacking I don't think it achieves anything, I think it can isolate children from you and teaches them that there are times when it's ok to hit.

Oh thats great CT, thanks for telling me.

Hatter - My 6 yr old said something similar a while back. I was speechless too.

Hi Nutcracker, here's my tuppence worth of wisdom. Have you tried the 1,2,3 Magic type of behaviour management? I've used it for years in schools and at home with my son. For me it's been an effective way of dealing with situations/triggers before they turn into full blown tantrums. When I find the relevant links, I'll post them. Good Luck Hon