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Original poster

School child with a dummy???

35 replies

Nesbo552 · 14/05/2016 08:54

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I passed a mother shopping with her child, the child was in school uniform. I thought nothing of it and was about to move on, when the child turned around to face me and he had a dummy in his mouth! I won't lie I was shocked, the child looked around 6 or 7 and had a lump of plastic jammed in his gob. I have seen this woman before when she was with her son but it was nothing more than passing on the street, and he didn't have a dummy then. I know that it is none of my business but it made me wonder. Does anyone else feel the same way?

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UmbongoUnchained · 14/05/2016 08:55

none of your fucking business.

LottieDoubtie · 14/05/2016 08:56

Feel what way? Shocked that a reception child has a dummy in a supermarket?

Not particularly shocked no.

I mean I probably wouldn't choose it for my DC- too paranoid about their teeth. But I don't find it particularly worthy of interest no.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/05/2016 09:08

You must be very shocked to go out of your way to either sign up or name change to post about it.

Can I suggest you watch the news to get yourself better acquainted with truly shocking things that go on in the world.

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NicknameUsed · 14/05/2016 09:10

I admit that I would judge. Special needs aside, why would a child who is not a baby need a dummy?

So flame me

Pico2 · 14/05/2016 09:17

10 years ago I would have judged. But my time on MN has educated me. I might see it and notice that it's unusual, but I know that I don't know the ins and outs of other people's lives, so I wouldn't judge.

MyNewBearTotoro · 14/05/2016 09:23

Not necessarily unreasonable to be surprised and have a second glance as it's not a common sight to see an older child with a dummy but it's hardly of the 'shocking' variety.

Shocking would be seeing a child with signs of abuse, a child out shopping in the rain without shoes, a child looking dreadfully malnourished, a child being slapped around the face by a parent etc.

I can hardly get worked up about a child with a dummy and there are reasons the child may have it - maybe they're very tall for their age and actually not as old as you guessed, maybe they have sensory issues or other special needs which make it much more difficult to make the transition to not using it, maybe they suffered a bereavement or similar trauma at the age their parents planned to remove the dummy and so they decided not to take away that comfort, maybe it belongs to a younger sibling and they were curious about it and asked to play with sucking it just got that single day and their parent figured there was no harm in it, maybe there parents feels the child should have the control to give it up of their own free will so hasn't pushed the issue...

You don't know anything about that child's life or the reason for him having a dummy so yes, it's unreasonable for you to judge the parent and child and make a thread about it.

(By the way I had a dummy until I was around 6 as my parents wanted to let me give it up on my own and it has had no negative effects on me.)

NicknameUsed · 14/05/2016 09:32

"But my time on MN has educated me."

Same here, which is why I added the caveat of special needs aside. I wouldn't be shocked, but as MyNewBearTotoro has said it isn't unreasonable to be surprised, because it is unusual to see a school age child walking around with a dummy in their mouth.

I would probably assume that the child did have extra needs.

Howmuchisthatdoggyinthewindow · 14/05/2016 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

originalmavis · 14/05/2016 09:39

I would be surprised but more that the child might be teased by classmates for being a baby. There was a child in the year below ds (so year 1) who had a dummy (no additional needs etc). I think she just liked it and nanny would hand it over at pick up and take it off her at drop off.

It's not like she was smoking crack.

My sister who has been teaching little kids for almost 40 years now says that there is a recent definite rise in the number of school aged kids with dummies and nappies.

NicknameUsed · 14/05/2016 09:39

I'm surprised at the number of very defensive answers on here.

CloneMeNow · 14/05/2016 09:41

special needs aside

You do realise that 'special needs' isn't a specific fenced-off group of children that you can label and discount, don't you? Every child is an individual, with a balance of challenges and abilities. Every parent, too. When you see strangers in the supermarket, you have no idea what their specific situation is.

I have a Reception age child who still constantly wets themselves. It's really difficult out and about. Occasionally I put her in a pull-up if it's going to be a situation that would be disastrous (for example in long taxi journeys to the hospital where she gets treatment.)

My child is fully able in every other way, and academically/linguistically quite advanced. But this simple bodily function that toddlers all around her have mastered is not yet within her capacity.

People judge that. I judge them for judging.

I've never liked dummies and didn't use them for my own DC. But I have exactly zero opinion about other people's use of them. They and their DC and their situation is different and it might work for them. If I had a child with ASD who was comforted in busy situations by using a dummy (for example) then I would let them use it.

hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 09:48

Just why waste the energy judging. You know nothing of the why's and wherefores. Concentrate on being kind and being good and teaching your children to be the same.

I hate these posts, desperate people scrabbling about for other people to sidle over and join in with their snidey bull crap.

Original poster

Nesbo552 · 14/05/2016 09:58

Although I did find it strange that a child that age had a dummy at all, it was the fact that he was in public with it that surprised me. If he had it at home then I would judge, but I wouldn't be completely shocked, but he was walking around with it in his mouth. I would have thought that at that age he would be embarrassed. I never really thought about him having special needs, it wasn't obvious, but most of the time it isn't.

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snorepatrol · 14/05/2016 10:01

You probably saw my dc!
He is actually 4 (at nursery with uniform) but looks about 7.

He has ASD and has a complete meltdown if we go into supermarkets as the sights, smell noises are too much for him.

I try to avoid supermarkets with him if I can but sometimes I don't really have a choice and a dummy in that situation is the difference between him become really upset and distressed and staying relatively calm.

I choose the dummy everytime I care more about my child feeling secure in that situation than I care about someone with nothing better to do judging my choices and my child.

Even if he didn't have ASD I would still think it was non of your fucking business

You don't know the person or the situation they are facing that child could have a whole range of problems or they could have no problems and just wanted to use a dummy.

I'd suggest you get out more but goodness knows what other horrors you'd see if you did.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 14/05/2016 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paintandbrush · 14/05/2016 10:02

Was gonna say that's ridiculous, but maybe the child had autism or something and found supermarkets stressful?

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 14/05/2016 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShelaghTurner · 14/05/2016 10:03

Wouldn't give a hoot. A friend of dd1's at school had one and we'd see her out of school with it. They're rising 8 now and the dummy is gone but she still had it in at least yr1.

hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 10:05

Gosh. Sometimes I really wonder at the smallness of people's minds.

Buzzardbird · 14/05/2016 10:05

Welcome to MN.

LogicalThinking · 14/05/2016 12:46

it was the fact that he was in public with it that surprised me
So children who behave differently to your perception of normal should hide away ashamed?
Supermarkets can be horrific places for some children and sucking or chewing on something might help a child cope.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 14/05/2016 12:53

no need for such loaded language as 'jammed in their gob', either, which is highly judgemental and doesn't allow for the possibility that there might be many valid reasons for them using it. Yes, it's possible that there aren't, but why not give them the benefit of the doubt.

RedOnHerHedd · 14/05/2016 14:27

I had a dummy until I was 9.
No special needs.
Just liked it and didn't want to give it up. It caused no problems with my teeth either. I was probably about 7 when I only used it at home. It was comforting for me. There are many older children who still suck their thumbs, it's practically the same thing.

hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 16:05

I would have thought that at that age he would be embarrassed.

If he had sensory needs that may over ride any feelings of embarrassment.

My ds has to use a buggy at the age of 6, his painful joints and low tone has to over ride any feelings of embarrassment he may have - and the only reason why he would feel embarrassed is because of ding dongs being judgemental

Original poster

Nesbo552 · 21/05/2016 10:10

I thought that I would tell everyone that I ran into the woman again. She was with her son and who I would assume is her daughter both with dummies pluged in their mouths. We were in a queue, so I thought that I might have a conversation with her, I found out that; her son is 5.5years, and her daughter is 2 years, nether have disabilities. As we were talking her son grabbed the dummy from his sisters mouth and started sucking it, the little girl began to cry. But rather than take the dummy off her son and give it tk the girl, she just got out another dummy and shoved that in the girls mouth.

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