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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

School child with a dummy???

35 replies

Nesbo552 · 14/05/2016 08:54

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I passed a mother shopping with her child, the child was in school uniform. I thought nothing of it and was about to move on, when the child turned around to face me and he had a dummy in his mouth! I won't lie I was shocked, the child looked around 6 or 7 and had a lump of plastic jammed in his gob. I have seen this woman before when she was with her son but it was nothing more than passing on the street, and he didn't have a dummy then. I know that it is none of my business but it made me wonder. Does anyone else feel the same way?

OP posts:

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Tinks85 · 28/11/2023 12:20

Have you considered that maybe the child has additional needs? Maybe developmentally delayed. May have sensory issues that a soother helps?
No of course not. Just mind your business and move on.

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Jackpack · 12/07/2016 16:41

A child of that age should not have a dummy. I'd feel embarrassed to take my child out in public like that.

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Newtobecomingamum · 11/07/2016 19:10

Omg you had the cheek to quiz her about it??.... This all sounds weird to me. What the heck has it to do with you and why does it bother you so much. I still can't believe you actually asked the mum about it!!

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Timetogrowup2016 · 11/07/2016 17:01

Why do you care so much?
Weird.

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jellycat1 · 11/07/2016 17:00

I'd probably look twice but also know that will be me in 2 years. Ds1 obsessed with dummies. I don't care now and I won't care in 2 years! I'd be uninterested in anyone else's opinion of me too. I'd probably assume anyone giving me judgey looks didn't have kids.

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Totallyawinetaster · 11/07/2016 16:46

Why the hell does it matter to you if a 5 year old has a dummy. It is the choice of the parents.

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youknowwhattodo · 21/05/2016 19:39

Mind your own business. You do not know the full
Circumstances so do not judge

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Jasonandyawegunorts · 21/05/2016 19:36

Adult baby typing out a fantasy by any chance?

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hazeyjane · 21/05/2016 19:18

Well done Nesbo, thank god you've cleared that up. What now.....pitchforks? Stocks? Posters shaming the awful parenting you have been witness to? I know it has gone out of fashion, but nothing really beats a spot of tarring and feathering.

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LogicalThinking · 21/05/2016 11:18

So in a brief chat, you managed to establish that there were no disabilities (diagnosed or undiagnosed). I'd love to know how that conversation went! I cannot imagine chatting with some complete stranger and divulging that kind of information that soon about my kids! Especially when there probably was a very fake and snidey undertone to the conversation - let's face it, you weren't chatting to be nice, you were trying to find out information to support your negative judgemental opinion of her.
You've actually made yourself look even nastier than you did after the initial post!

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Nesbo552 · 21/05/2016 10:10

I thought that I would tell everyone that I ran into the woman again. She was with her son and who I would assume is her daughter both with dummies pluged in their mouths. We were in a queue, so I thought that I might have a conversation with her, I found out that; her son is 5.5years, and her daughter is 2 years, nether have disabilities. As we were talking her son grabbed the dummy from his sisters mouth and started sucking it, the little girl began to cry. But rather than take the dummy off her son and give it tk the girl, she just got out another dummy and shoved that in the girls mouth.

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hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 16:05

I would have thought that at that age he would be embarrassed.

If he had sensory needs that may over ride any feelings of embarrassment.

My ds has to use a buggy at the age of 6, his painful joints and low tone has to over ride any feelings of embarrassment he may have - and the only reason why he would feel embarrassed is because of ding dongs being judgemental

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RedOnHerHedd · 14/05/2016 14:27

I had a dummy until I was 9.
No special needs.
Just liked it and didn't want to give it up. It caused no problems with my teeth either. I was probably about 7 when I only used it at home. It was comforting for me. There are many older children who still suck their thumbs, it's practically the same thing.

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CrotchetQuaverMinim · 14/05/2016 12:53

no need for such loaded language as 'jammed in their gob', either, which is highly judgemental and doesn't allow for the possibility that there might be many valid reasons for them using it. Yes, it's possible that there aren't, but why not give them the benefit of the doubt.

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LogicalThinking · 14/05/2016 12:46

it was the fact that he was in public with it that surprised me
So children who behave differently to your perception of normal should hide away ashamed?
Supermarkets can be horrific places for some children and sucking or chewing on something might help a child cope.

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Buzzardbird · 14/05/2016 10:05

Welcome to MN.

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hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 10:05

Gosh. Sometimes I really wonder at the smallness of people's minds.

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ShelaghTurner · 14/05/2016 10:03

Wouldn't give a hoot. A friend of dd1's at school had one and we'd see her out of school with it. They're rising 8 now and the dummy is gone but she still had it in at least yr1.

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Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 14/05/2016 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paintandbrush · 14/05/2016 10:02

Was gonna say that's ridiculous, but maybe the child had autism or something and found supermarkets stressful?

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Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 14/05/2016 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snorepatrol · 14/05/2016 10:01

You probably saw my dc!
He is actually 4 (at nursery with uniform) but looks about 7.

He has ASD and has a complete meltdown if we go into supermarkets as the sights, smell noises are too much for him.

I try to avoid supermarkets with him if I can but sometimes I don't really have a choice and a dummy in that situation is the difference between him become really upset and distressed and staying relatively calm.

I choose the dummy everytime I care more about my child feeling secure in that situation than I care about someone with nothing better to do judging my choices and my child.

Even if he didn't have ASD I would still think it was non of your fucking business

You don't know the person or the situation they are facing that child could have a whole range of problems or they could have no problems and just wanted to use a dummy.

I'd suggest you get out more but goodness knows what other horrors you'd see if you did.

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Nesbo552 · 14/05/2016 09:58

Although I did find it strange that a child that age had a dummy at all, it was the fact that he was in public with it that surprised me. If he had it at home then I would judge, but I wouldn't be completely shocked, but he was walking around with it in his mouth. I would have thought that at that age he would be embarrassed. I never really thought about him having special needs, it wasn't obvious, but most of the time it isn't.

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hazeyjane · 14/05/2016 09:48

Just why waste the energy judging. You know nothing of the why's and wherefores. Concentrate on being kind and being good and teaching your children to be the same.

I hate these posts, desperate people scrabbling about for other people to sidle over and join in with their snidey bull crap.

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CloneMeNow · 14/05/2016 09:41

special needs aside

You do realise that 'special needs' isn't a specific fenced-off group of children that you can label and discount, don't you? Every child is an individual, with a balance of challenges and abilities. Every parent, too. When you see strangers in the supermarket, you have no idea what their specific situation is.

I have a Reception age child who still constantly wets themselves. It's really difficult out and about. Occasionally I put her in a pull-up if it's going to be a situation that would be disastrous (for example in long taxi journeys to the hospital where she gets treatment.)

My child is fully able in every other way, and academically/linguistically quite advanced. But this simple bodily function that toddlers all around her have mastered is not yet within her capacity.

People judge that. I judge them for judging.

I've never liked dummies and didn't use them for my own DC. But I have exactly zero opinion about other people's use of them. They and their DC and their situation is different and it might work for them. If I had a child with ASD who was comforted in busy situations by using a dummy (for example) then I would let them use it.