would you report this person and how could I go about doing it!?

[sammyjayneex]

So we live in a culdesac and my children play out on the street. I check on them every 5-10 mins.
My 9 year old told me when I brought her in for tea that this van ( looks like it's some form of transport for dropping Off the elderly or disabled children to their homes) and he was dropping off this lady ( I think she's a member of staff he must work with as she wears a badge but I can't quite catch where she works) in one of the houses opposite to us. My daughter said she was stood with her friend and he started talking to them and they turned around and said something along the lines of 'your in trouble you, or are you in trouble or stay out of trouble you' something along those lines, my daughter didn't quite catch it because he said of and drove off. Now to me this is unacceptable, approaching young girls, making unpleasant remarks and driving off. She said she just ignored him. I've told her she should never talk to strangers and she should come straight to me as soon as it happens instead of ages after. I have seen this van plenty of times. One time a man made a Comment towards me whilst I was walking down the street, I ignored him and put him down to being a rude sad man, but now he's made comments towards my daughter I'm fuming and want to report him but there isn't any company name on the van. It's just a van with Windows. I was thinking of waiting tomorrow afternoon for the van to come up and taking is reg number or approaching myself and asking him who the hell he thinks he is!

Why are some Mumsnetters so nasty?

Bet you think I'm a man now

This thread shows the WORST and most IGNORANT of MN.

In short. A 9 year old was approached by a man she does not know who told her she was trouble...or in trouble.

This is not acceptable for various reasons. One of them being that telling children off is a known predators trick. It's something they do because it intimidates kids...it's a mind game.

OP report him, complain. Tell the police too.

triptrap no, I don't think you're a man... I know you are. Only a man would be so blatant

Matt the police? Contacting his employer would be ridiculous, nevermind the police.

Someone passed a couple of kids on the way to work and made an offhand comment.

matt I am far from ignorant about how predators work. I am a survivor of rape and abuse and grooming. I went through that hell. I lived it. So do not presume we are all ignorant.
What the OP described was not a man planning on kidnapping and abusing her DD. What the OP described was a man making an off the cuff comment, like many people do. Her DD was obviously not that bothered by it as OP says she had to tell her DD to tell her straight away in future. So she obviously left it a while and carried on playing.

And telling children off is a 'known predators trick'?

Yes, it is. My sister was pursueded into a man's house when she was 7. His tactic? Telling her off.

He spoke sternly to her...told her she was naughty....then commanded her inside.

The police later said they'd seen it before...people like that prey on the fact that children are taught to be obedient and to worry about being in trouble.

Not wanting to state the obvious but that is completely different in every way.

That is very different Matt, in OP's situation the man made a common, and innocent, remark that people often make to children "stay out of trouble", I say it to children and I'm certainly not a predator.

OP, you are overreacting, and you are in danger of causing your DD to get the same insecurities you seem to have about people talking to you. Its not a crime to make a comment towards someone. Its not a crime to talk to a child you don't know.

Op, have you called 101 and had it logged yet?

:)
That's normally the advice given on mn

MattDillonsPants, what in fact shows the worst of MN is your twisting of OP's account of what was allegedly said to her child so as to suit your agenda.

OP. Are you from the UK?
I wondered, too. It's fairly commonplace behaviour.

OP, you are right, men shouldn't approach/call out to children. But some genuinely haven't caught on to that idea, and some think it means someone else ["bad men"], not them.
And it is disrespectful of men to call out comments to adult women, no matter how 'friendly' or 'funny' they think they are being. But there are a lot of bad-mannered and not very bright people about. Sometimes they are harmless.

For yourself, ignore the comment and don't take it to heart. Take the registration number of the van.
For your daughter, she should avoid any man who tries to speak to her and go immediately to the nearest safe adult.

Does he need reporting? Hmm. Definitely talk to the lady he drops off and find out who he is and where he works. If it seems appropriate in the conversation, mention your concerns. Then see what happens and report if really necessary.

matt it's entirely different. No one is saying goes that OPs DD should be obedient to anyone. Just that what the man said was a completely normal and innocent comment that a lot of people make.

For your daughter, she should avoid any man who tries to speak to her

Wow. Now I've heard it all. People are allowed to speak to children. Being a man doesn't change that.

If you live in a cul de sac safe enough for kids to play out in you must surely know the lady who lives opposite so can you not just mention it to her?
I can understand your concern but don't overreact.

have met up with the "honorary men" type of woman in real life but did not expect to meet up with you on MN, where you are minimising how a woman is feeling, denying her real life experience, telling her to shut down her intuition and teach her dd to do likewise,attacking and vilifying women who accept the op's pov about her own experiences, exaggerating and misrepresenting in order to have something to attack,etc. The actual men have dropped out of the catfight and are sitting back enjoying the REAL women doing their dirty work for them. And all this on MN??

I no longer have any idea what you are on about
The only people misinterpreting the OP are those who are convinced this man is somehow sexist and wants to put women down. There is absolutely no evidence of that. And what the hell is a "honorary man"?
The only person attacking anhone is you accusing people of being sexist pigs, telling women they are really men (because that's not putting women down is it? ) and then when that blew up in your face we are now "honorary men"

Matt I'm so sorry about what happened to your sister.

Nobody is saying this man is actually a predator. But the fact is predators do exist and we are more aware of that now than we used to be, and that is a good thing surely.

How is it wrong for OP to tell her DD that she doesn't have to talk to anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable?

And why is nearly everyone on here so determined to believe this man is just a nice, friendly type and OP is a hysterical over-anxious mother when we just don't know? All those of you saying this was just an innocent, friendly comment - you weren't there! You have no idea how he said it, whether it was genuinely friendly or actually a bit creepy. OP only has her DD's word for it and clearly the DD found it a bit weird - so are we going to go back to telling children that what they feel doesn't matter?

It's the determination to disbelieve the OP's POV that is shocking on this thread; everyone piling in and slagging her off.

For my money, the kind of man that actually winds his window down to call out at a passing woman is not the genuinely friendly type. I thought it had kind of been agreed these days that that is low level harassment and again I'm shocked that so many people are denying that.

I take the point that women can say "cheer up love" too and men say it to other men on some occasions but I struggle to believe any man ever wound his window down to call out "cheer up love" to another man, or that women van drivers do it as a matter of course to anyone, male or female.

Really - why do people feel the need to have a go at the OP so much?

talking did you read the same posts from the OP I did? She comes across as unstable to be perfectly honest, and refused to answer if she would feel the same had it been a woman. Also OPs DD was not that creeped out about it as she carried on playing and didn't tell anyone until later.

I've just caught up on this thread.

OP, you sounded way OTT to me yesterday and having read your updates, I can now add bonkers to that thought too.

No wonder Brits get criticised for being intolerant/unfriendly towards kids, compared to other Europeans, if a friendly, off the cuff remark causes such angst.

Utterly bonkers.

Because without all the facts (the bloke might not be the same man) the op is overreacting. If you are that worried then I suggest you stay out with them at all times.

Sorry but I am also getting a Paedogeddon vibe from this thread.

you have reached an even lower level as now you are putting nasty words and phrases in my mouth so you can attack who? yourself? You are also attacking any pp who is willing to listen to the op and support her,which we think mn is meant to do. You are calling the op 'unstable', also op nor anyone is obliged to answer your questions.You are not this girl's mother and you were not there , but you know better than her mother how to judge what her dd said to her mother. This beyond ridiculous and WHY?

Bloody hell.... Don't go to Liverpool!!!!

Random people make conversation all the time ! Even if you walk into a bar someone might say "cheer up love it might never happen" I'm usually in a day dream ....
Happens constantly ... You are confusing ... He's being friendly !!!!

It's my first ....