would you report this person and how could I go about doing it!?

[sammyjayneex]

So we live in a culdesac and my children play out on the street. I check on them every 5-10 mins.
My 9 year old told me when I brought her in for tea that this van ( looks like it's some form of transport for dropping Off the elderly or disabled children to their homes) and he was dropping off this lady ( I think she's a member of staff he must work with as she wears a badge but I can't quite catch where she works) in one of the houses opposite to us. My daughter said she was stood with her friend and he started talking to them and they turned around and said something along the lines of 'your in trouble you, or are you in trouble or stay out of trouble you' something along those lines, my daughter didn't quite catch it because he said of and drove off. Now to me this is unacceptable, approaching young girls, making unpleasant remarks and driving off. She said she just ignored him. I've told her she should never talk to strangers and she should come straight to me as soon as it happens instead of ages after. I have seen this van plenty of times. One time a man made a Comment towards me whilst I was walking down the street, I ignored him and put him down to being a rude sad man, but now he's made comments towards my daughter I'm fuming and want to report him but there isn't any company name on the van. It's just a van with Windows. I was thinking of waiting tomorrow afternoon for the van to come up and taking is reg number or approaching myself and asking him who the hell he thinks he is!

I don't think I've ever read such a hysterical post on MN. Hysterical in the manic sense not the funny sense.

OP. you need to get a grip. Seriously, this is something of nothing and you could end up losing this bloke his job because you don't want your DD to have anyone talk to her.

My DD is 10 and plays out in our cul-de-sac. The post man says hello and probably 'keep out of trouble you lot' to DD and her friends, the ice cream man who is here every week (you know, every week, same as your van driver) has a chat with them all. The carers who call in to the old lady up the road chat to them but that's ok because they are women yes?

You do realise that this is just a complete overreaction. You still haven't answered the poster who asked if you would be screeching about this if it was a woman who had spoken to your dd. I presume the answer is no which is why the deafening silence.

Do the poor man a favour. Stay indoors. Keep your dd indoors. Forever. Heaven forbid she comes into contact with a human who owns a penis.

some pp are very invested in attacking you for not liking what this man said to you and your dd ,op. I have yet to hear man say smile or cheer up to another man. Nor have i heard a woman say it to another woman. I have heard both men and women make sim comments to cc . and it is well known that men think they have the right to get a smile from a woman. The dynamic appears to be superior feels entitled to comment on /to inferior. This wd make it sexist IMO. I doubt it's women who are attacking you here,op.

OP I can't believe the responses you're getting on here. Parallel universe time for me.

I totally get where you're coming from. Everyone who doesn't get it seems really weird to me. It's like the whole last two or three decades just never happened really.

There you go. There's nowt so queer as folk.

I tell my DP to smile and cheer up. I also tell his friends the same. why does it automatically have to be a sexist remark because a man said it? It's ridiculous. It has nothing to do with superiority/inferiority and everything to.do with being friendly.
And yes I have been known to make comments to strangers in passing such as "no rest for the wicked" or "fancy doing that for me?" As a pp said. It is just being friendly.

Ninja you know your DP and his mates. That's different.

Yes, I make comments to strangers sometimes too - but in a genuinely friendly way. I have never ever told someone I didn't know to cheer up, nor has any woman I didn't know said that to me. But loads of men used to use that line, back in the old days - they don't bother with me now, hooray!

When it comes to strangers, it is always IME men saying it to women.

Telling people to smile or cheer up is universally obnoxious, regardless of gender. It's always irritating to the recipient.

But that's not what the OP is upset about here - she's not even sure if the man who said that to her is the same one who spoke to her daughter today! And saying "Stay out of trouble!" to a pair of young kids is just not by any stretch of the imagination offensive or inappropriate.

Actually I don't really know his mates. I've met one of them the whole of twice. I told him to cheer up the first time I met him because he had a face like a slapped arse.

op was not screeching nor was she hysterical. This is also sexist as it is typically used by men to put down women. of course there are always a few women who identify with men for various reasons and sound off on their behalf.

When something is genuinely sexist then I'll say something. Believe me. But this. This isn't sexist. This is just an attempt at being friendly.

Ninja but you still had a prior connection with him in that he was your DH's mate, not a random stranger.

OK, I will concede that. Still doesn't mean the man in the OPs scenario is being a sexist pig and saying it to "get his kicks"

Bollocks is it an attempt at being friendly. I know what that looks like and feels like and some men are very capable of showing friendliness and warmth in a genuine way to a woman they don't know, a kind smile or a pleasant acknowledgement somehow.

Some random saying cheer up love is not like that at all. It's just deeply irritating.

My two uncles went into a pub the day their mother (my Nan) died and had a bloke say 'cheer up, it might never happen'. The bloke was mortified when they told him 'it' had just happened in fact. So there's at least one occasion when men have said it to men.

I was walking down the street once crying after an awful encounter with abusive ex and a homeless man saw me and sang to me 'don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright'.

He didn't approach me. I didn't feel harassed or upset or that he was 'getting about kick out of it'. He smiled and I managed to smile back - a big smile in fact and although I completely understand other people may have been fucked off by that, for me it made me really look at myself with some perspective (ffs he's living on the streets but able to put aside his own shit situation and tell a distressed young woman not to worry because everything will be alright in the end - and it was). I'm not woo at all but felt like that was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment.

That song became an anthem for me in any time of distress. It's not far removed from 'smile' or whatever so I don't think that is always sexist or harassing behaviour.

Sometimes it might have a sinister drive behind it but doesn't mean it always does.

I've had strangers say it to me. (Men and women) and never taken offence. I've always seen it as a friendly gesture. Just like a polite smile or a quick "how are you?" Would be.

X-post - Thank you for the concession

But what gets me about this thread is that nearly everybody on this thread is defending the man even though you don't know that he wasn't being a sexist twat.

OP said he made both her and her DD feel uncomfortable which would indicate that there was something a bit off. Why isn't she being believed?

You know if you have concerns you can just report it? Might be nothing, might be other Intel on him. Who knows. But it won't do any harm.
Would be best to get the reg first though.

I wondered when this was going to turn into a "sexism" thread.

because if OP had been told to smile or cheer up by a man on a building site and didn't like it, people would be falling over themselves to say how unacceptable this behaviour is.

I doubt it.

you don't have to agree with me. I really don't mind.

Oh good, thank you so much for allowing that.

Why isn't she being believed?

I do believe she didn't like the comments. That.doesn't mean she can report him...he hasn't done anything wrong. Quite frankly as a PP said, OP comes across as slightly unhinged and as far as i can tell, the only person being unpleasant and unacceptable in this scenario would be the OP if she reported or if she "approached him herself and asked him who the hell he thinks he is"

Doesn't mean*

Stupid bloody phone

But what gets me about this thread is that nearly everybody on this thread is defending the man even though you don't know that he wasn't being a sexist twat.

The OP was about the man saying something to a 9 year old girl and the OP wanting to report this because she was fuming. She doesn't know what the man said, the daughter doesn't know what the man said. Hence all the responses pointing out that there is no evidence of anything untoward.

The man may or may not have also told the OP to cheer up at some point - but she doesn't know.

It has nothing to do with sexism - it is to do with someone interpreting a man talking to a 9 year old girl as something sinister because he doesn't know her.

It was an off the cuff remark . You weren't there to witness what might have triggered it (maybe they stared or whispered) or what was actually said. Your reaction is OTT based on a previous remark. Kent it go and just suggest they go indoors if they see him again. Your reaction to this is what will make them more anxious.

The cheer up bit would have annoyed me. I don't like being ordered about by random strangers. It would never cross my mind to randomly shout at people at I'm driving down the street.

The bit about the dd I don't think is an issue. Especially since you don't know it was the same guy. Seems like a random thing people say to kids. It isn't wrong for people to talk to kids.

women and cc have a right to be in public without having to smile at random men who order them to. Nor shd they have to stay inside to avoid this!? As expected the requisite fe/male or 2 recycled the exceptions that prove the rule. It's men who tell women they are supposed to smiling and yes it's sexist. The op and her dd had -ve reponses to this man and no one has the right to tell them they shd not have. The police tell women to trust their instincts. How weird that mn has been taken over to the extent that a woman and her dd are being told that their feelings are wrong and they shd not trust their instincts and further they shd not go out in public if they cannot tolerate random men who say whatever to them in a way the creeps them out. This is the new MN??

And people have the right to talk to others and try and be friendly without people getting hysterical for no bloody reason.