would you report this person and how could I go about doing it!?

[sammyjayneex]

So we live in a culdesac and my children play out on the street. I check on them every 5-10 mins.
My 9 year old told me when I brought her in for tea that this van ( looks like it's some form of transport for dropping Off the elderly or disabled children to their homes) and he was dropping off this lady ( I think she's a member of staff he must work with as she wears a badge but I can't quite catch where she works) in one of the houses opposite to us. My daughter said she was stood with her friend and he started talking to them and they turned around and said something along the lines of 'your in trouble you, or are you in trouble or stay out of trouble you' something along those lines, my daughter didn't quite catch it because he said of and drove off. Now to me this is unacceptable, approaching young girls, making unpleasant remarks and driving off. She said she just ignored him. I've told her she should never talk to strangers and she should come straight to me as soon as it happens instead of ages after. I have seen this van plenty of times. One time a man made a Comment towards me whilst I was walking down the street, I ignored him and put him down to being a rude sad man, but now he's made comments towards my daughter I'm fuming and want to report him but there isn't any company name on the van. It's just a van with Windows. I was thinking of waiting tomorrow afternoon for the van to come up and taking is reg number or approaching myself and asking him who the hell he thinks he is!

MTpurse

My child has social skills. She doesn't need a random man in a van shouting 'stay out of trouble' to teach her social skills... What does that even teach a 9 year old anyway?? Like I said I will just leave this at it is now but I will be keeping an eye on it.

"This isn't just a man. He's working and he's doing this whilst working. It makes you nervous to allow your kids out because it makes you wonder what else he can say to them"

just wow-what a world

Jesus
The weirdest post I seen in weeks.
OP do you have MH issues at all? You seem very unreasonable.Poor man can get into trouble for nothing. Very sad

But have you spoken to your dd's friends Mum and asked what she thinks of what he said?

Do you know what I think is sad? That crimes of a sexual nature against women and girls are so common. Maybe when they magically stop then men can go round talking to whoever they fuck they like.

blink the man telling a couple of kids to stay out of trouble is nice normal interaction. He's not trying to.make them get into his van, he's not offering them money, he's not telling them they're sexy etc.
sammy I never said this man wanted to be friends with your child I'm just wondering how anyone makes friends ever if we can't speak to people, and quite frankly you come across like you don't want to talk to people and think everyone should just keep.quiet in the street.

I'm confused when you say he 'approached' the girls. didn't he just happen to be near them in his van as he was dropping your neighbour off?

Bakeoff, lottie, heyhula and blinkowl

I luffs you all

Thanks for saying the things I want to say too.

sammy I'm so glad some more people have come onto the thread to support and acknowledge your POV. I totally got that you didnt mean report him to the police but to his employers just so that they could have a word with him about what is and isn't appropriate behaviour when interacting with the public while he is working. Not to ruin his life.

Sad to see how many women on this thread think other women should just suck it up when a man - a man who's in the vicinity of their home five days a week, every week - shouts that kind of tired old crap at them when driving past.

I really thought there was some kind of consensus on MN (well, as much as there's ever a consensus about anything on MN!) that random men shouting stuff at you in the street as they drive past was considered low level harassment, much as men shouting stuff from building sites is. But obviously I was wrong, there isn't.

I still think it is low level harassment though, and if that makes people want to call me names and tell me I'm over-sensitive and neurotic and just a big fat old buzzkill, well, so be it.

Ninja I'm really sorry you went through that.

Thanks

TalkingintheDark

I'm also happy some more posters have come along and understand what I mean

I'm also sorry to hear of worse things happening to woman here and what they have been through

Princess, so because I see things differently to you and my perception of things is different to yours your assuming I have MH issues? How rude!!!

And so what if I did have MH issues? Does That mean I am not entitled to have a view or think things differently to you incase they all get seen as my MH issues kicking in! You have just insulted people with mental health issues, assuming they can't have a voice and should just accept anything because they have mental health issues so they can't possibly be talking sense ffs

Sammy
Its fine to have your opinion but you are planning to report a person and potentially cause him distress/get him into trouble.Surely you being unreasonable should not affect other people?

Mental health shouldn't come into it, I agree with you there. Regardless of whether you do or don't have MH issues, you need to accept that people will be friendly and speak to men, women and children. There's nothing wrong with it and no reason to get paranoid when it is just a passing comment that is commonly said to children by adults, men and women, and it obviously wasn't shouted (as you are now claiming) as your dd didn't even hear him properly.

You don't have to be friendly back, you don't have to like it, but that's life. You can't go through life expecting everyone to do what you want. And you need to teach your children the same. Sometimes in life people will.do something that annoys you and you just have to accept that and not claim it's harassment

There is a big difference between what you have described and being harassed.

sammy I thought that too, about people implying that those with MH issues have no right to a voice.

Really sad to see that on MN, when so many posters are open and honest about their experiences with MH and there's often a lot of understanding.

It's ironic that given the emphasis so many people apparently place on being friendly and kind, that friendless and kindness hasn't extended towards you or anyone who thinks like you.

And as I was glad to see a pp point out, this isn't even AIBU, it's Parenting!

I've already said I'm not reporting anyone now but If I see this man doing anything else I feel is wrong I will try and find out where he works and report him.

'Cause him distress' so we've all got to think about him yet he doesn't have to consider anyone else? What if he caused my child distress by Saying 'stay out of trouble?' That's ok then?

Some children will hear the word trouble and can take it in a bad way ( not saying my daughter did) but some children could. Especially children who are particularly shy or don't like strangers. He wasn't thinking of anyone then was he, just of himself.

So anyone trying to be friendly is just thinking of themselves because they don't know how the other person will react?

Jesus christ. I despair.

Ninja There is a big difference between what you have described and being harassed.

Do you always assume that anything you believe is a "fact"? Or has it ever occurred to you that it's just your opinion, and not one that everyone else shares or indeed should share?

I've said that I perceive this behaviour to be low level harassment. You don't. Fine. But it's totally unreasonable to present your opinion as a fact, when it is just your opinion.

It's not a person, it's child!! He's a grown man, he knows what he means but you can't put all children in the same pot. Every child will react differently. My daughter just thought he was weird but others might feel upset.

What about children with learning disabilities who can't quite understand him and take the word 'trouble' as literal and he causes them distress? But it's ok because he's just a friendly man in a van.

Just maybe he should get on with his job and leave unattended children alone to play...

its just funny how OP defends her right to her own opinion,but cant accept that others have same rights.
Right to be chatty etc.
If OP doesn't want to get engaged in conversation with strangers -fine, but she cant make it illegal for others to start a conversation with whoever they choose to

Accidental name change there!

Anyway.. Believe it or not, Ninja, people like you make me despair too.

It's not all one way.

Princess I accept your opinion but I don't accept being called unhinged and that I must certainly have MH issues for having my opinion....

And no I don't think a grown adult man should just be able to have conversations with any 9 year olds they like...

But he didn't want a conversation with your 9 year old! It was just a passing comment. What is so hard for you to accept about that?!

If people are so easily offended perhaps they should stay indoors.

Oh and wrt this: Women are just as likely to be a threat to our children

???

Less than 5% of sex offences against children are known to have been committed by women, often in association with men

From a police research paper entitled Sex offending against children: Understanding the risk.

Once again, NO ONE here has accused this man of being a sex offender himself, but the fact is that the vast majority of sexual offences against children are carried out by men; common sense tells us that this being the case, we are right to perceive men as a greater risk than women in general.

Kind, decent men tend to be aware of this and don't do anything that might make a child they don't know feel uncomfortable. Helping a child in distress is clearly a very different situation to just making some random comment out of nowhere.

The same report also says that 20% of offenders are not previously known to the victim. So while yes, of course that is a minority of cases, it is not a negligible number - it's one in five, actually, not the one in a hundred or a thousand that was suggested upthread.

I've been reading this thread and can see both sides of the argument. I appreciate OP that this persons remarks have made you feel uncomfortable but from what you've said, I do generally believe he is just trying to be friendly. It maybe a good idea to keep an eye out for him and perhaps engage him in a conversation next time he is in your road. Hopefully once you have said hello you will be able to get a feeling about whether he is behaving inappropriately or just a harmless man that likes to engage others as he goes about his day and it will help put your mind at rest about letting your child out alone.

I do think that as a nation we are a little more paranoid these days and that can be a good thing in some respects but not when it teaches our children that everyone has an agenda and is to be feared - there has to be a balance between being wary of strangers and understanding when someone is just trying to be kind - otherwise we are then creating a generation of kids that are scared of everything and everyone.

Correct me if im wrong ,the man did not have conversation with the girls and didn't approach them, but marely acknowledged their presence in a way of something said towards them along the lines "oi don't get into trouble" ?

Yes, more offences are committed by men I'm not disputing the facts, but you don't know whether it's the man or the woman that's a threat. If there's two strangers walking down the street, a man and a woman, you don't know your child would be safer speaking to the woman than the man. Therefore, just as likely.