would you report this person and how could I go about doing it!?

[sammyjayneex]

So we live in a culdesac and my children play out on the street. I check on them every 5-10 mins.
My 9 year old told me when I brought her in for tea that this van ( looks like it's some form of transport for dropping Off the elderly or disabled children to their homes) and he was dropping off this lady ( I think she's a member of staff he must work with as she wears a badge but I can't quite catch where she works) in one of the houses opposite to us. My daughter said she was stood with her friend and he started talking to them and they turned around and said something along the lines of 'your in trouble you, or are you in trouble or stay out of trouble you' something along those lines, my daughter didn't quite catch it because he said of and drove off. Now to me this is unacceptable, approaching young girls, making unpleasant remarks and driving off. She said she just ignored him. I've told her she should never talk to strangers and she should come straight to me as soon as it happens instead of ages after. I have seen this van plenty of times. One time a man made a Comment towards me whilst I was walking down the street, I ignored him and put him down to being a rude sad man, but now he's made comments towards my daughter I'm fuming and want to report him but there isn't any company name on the van. It's just a van with Windows. I was thinking of waiting tomorrow afternoon for the van to come up and taking is reg number or approaching myself and asking him who the hell he thinks he is!

Exactly. He didn't say come here and get intro trouble.

Yes I know predators come in all different forms but that was so innocuous

Op you still haven't answer the question.

If it was a woman would you still have started this thread and been so annoyed about it?

OP have you had a tough week at work regarding the fridge storage of your groceries per chance?

I know predators come in all different forms

And that form is very rarely "stranger in the street". They more typically look like members of your family or like your partner, who have extended access and plausible reasons. For every child abused by a stranger in the street, ten, a hundred, a thousand are abused within the home by people known both to the victim and the victim's parents.

OP, you still have not explained why you would have felt safer about a man who made a comment that your dd could understand or that she did not find annoying? Surely the better able strangers are to communicate with a child, the more of a potential danger they would be?

The vibe I get from your post is that you haven't thought through the safety aspect at all; you just think people should be punished for annoying you or your dd.

Well, here is the big news: being annoying is not against the law.

btw, I struggled to make head or tails of your OP; it was not exactly clearly communicated. Does that mean I should report you?

OP there is nothing wrong with wanting your kids to be safe and respected but you are going over the top. This man made a passing comment to your daughter who promptly forgot about it long enough to carry on playing and then only told you much much later and she couldn't even remember what was said. If she had heard anything worrying, she'd have come running straight to you surely?

My dad used to talk to strangers and shock horror children as well and was never looked upon as a weirdo or doing something for kicks or to make himself better (wtaf?!) he did it because you know, he was a nice person, who was brought up to be friendly. He used to speak to men and women so I can't understand why some people are saying it's a way of the patriarchy keeping us little women downtrodden and under the thumb. Women are not bred to be socially happy all the time, and that we can't show our feelings in public put down pride and prejudice and step away.

When I left my XH and was walking to the bus station to get to my sister's; crying with tears streaming down my face and a snotty nose. 2 older women walked straight past me looking at me funny and muttering to themselves, it was 2 very kind young men who stopped me and made me call someone to get me, not once did they tell me to cheer up or to stop crying as it made them uncomfortable even though I'm positive it did make them feel uncomfortable. I'll never forget their kindness and help.

I don't particularly like being cat called but I smile sarcastically or properly if they've gone to some effort and get on with my day, I got wolf whistled at the other day I was more shocked than anything as I'm 8 months pregnant! Made me smile tbh! It doesn't make them bad people. Stop trying to teach children that all men are bastard paedos who deserve locking up if they so much as look at a child in the street.

it is NOT the op who is using the word paedo. Read the thread before you accuse. Op you are the only person who was there and you know how you felt and how your dd felt. If your dd learns to trust and act on her feelings ,it will go a long way to keeping her safe. You have affirmed your dd's feelings . Good work. You are a good mother.

OP but no one gets anything out.of him saying hello either, there's no point to that. The only reason people say hello or tell people to stay out of trouble is to be friendly, it's not about getting something out of it.
There is a difference between cautious and completely ridiculous. And you still haven't answered the question a PP asked. Would you be so angry and want something done about this if it had been a woman?
As for comparing scenarios at the park... it makes no difference, my DS wasn't always in earshot. And he has played out in the street without me there and I've seen strangers say things to him as they walk past. (Seen through my living room window) I've never wanted to report them to anyone. And when my DS has come back to the house I have asked him what's been said. And either he doesn't remember because he wasn't paying attention or it's a "hello" "stay out of trouble" "ooh, careful" type comment.

armarmai - where the hell did I mention the OP said the word paedo?!

oh and OP wasn't there!! Her daughter was, who didn't even hear what was said properly and only told her mum much later, so DD cannot have been that worried, as I said if she was, she'd have been straight into tell her mum. So no OP wasn't there!

I think - no, I'm pretty sure - that being a woman doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything else another woman says.

Insulting women because they don't blindly agree with everything that someone else with the same type of genitals as them is a ridiculous but sadly often dragged out strategy on MN. used as a way of trying to shut down people who don't automatically assume that all men are wrong and all women are right.

The actual men have dropped out of the catfight and are sitting back enjoying the REAL women doing their dirty work for them.

I'm going to guess it's me you think is a man? Considering I was very active in this conversation yesterday but have been quiet since?

I'm a woman. I'm also a feminist. One who despairs when she reads threads like this which turn non-issues into feminist issues, opening us all up to ridicule.

The OP hasn't experienced anything here. A man made a comment towards her daughter. One which her daughter neither understood nor remembered fully but seems remarkably similar to a common phrase that is said to children by both men and women commonly in UK culture. She also didn't feel unnerved enough to go and tell her mum immediately. The man then left. He didn't even get out of his van by the looks of it. Upon hearing a very vague account of a man talking to her DD, the OP has jumped to the conclusion that this is the same man who told her to cheer up, started a thread on mumsnet and wants to report him for daring to speak to a child he doesn't know.

Nobody has categorically said this man isn't a predator. They have pointed at its unlikelihood and the lack of indication that he is. That doesn't make them 'honorary men' or sympathisers or any of the other things that have been claimed on this thread. He may well be annoying but usually that isn't a crime.

well maybe u shouldnt let them play out at all- really theres more chance of her getting hit by a car whilst she out playing than being abducted

no not referring to the 2 of you. Again the op was addressed by the same man and she had a bad reaction. Her dd was addressed by the same man and was concerned enuf to tell her mum . The mother and the dd are the the only ones who know what they felt. I am trusting what they say. Neither the op nor anyone who has supported her has talked about abduction or paedos. This sad old straw dog is still being set up to be knocked down by those who cannot discuss without exaggeration .

Well what the hell does she want to report him for? It's not a crime to speak to people. What does she think this man has done or is going to do that is so wrong?

Armani

Thanks for actually understanding where I'm coming from

I really didn't call him a peado or insinuated that j thought he was one. Yes I called him immature and a Weirdo, that's about it.!

But it's not weird or immature to talk to children.

You are not this girl's mother and you were not there

Nor were you, amarmai, and nor was OP. The fact was that the child couldn't even remember what was said, and wasn't sufficiently bothered to go indoors and tell her mother about it immediately. It is you who are reading things into this situation which simply aren't borne out by the facts as related by OP.

I note you are saying the OP was addressed by the same man. Even OP isn't sure of that. You really are twisting the facts to suit your agenda.

And if you didn't think that then why on earth are you so angry?

To me he makes these comments to make himself feel better because no one gets anything out of his comments.

So what? If a stranger says "Good morning" to me as I walk down the road, no-one particularly gets anything out of that, but that doesn't make it wrong. I accept that "Cheer up" can be annoying but, as everyone has pointed out, life is full of annoyances, it doesn't mean that you should go out of your way to confront the person in question or try to report them to the police. And, for most children, a friendly adult saying something like "Keep out of trouble" is just a bit of social chitchat or even vaguely funny.

Why are you so desperate to ignore the many, many people on this thread who point out that these are common, harmless phrases heard all over the place every day as general chat that just oils the wheels of society?

augusta the OP is clearly ignoring anyone sensible pointing out that "hello" and "good morning" don't mean anything either and that no one gets anything out of that. She can't seem to grasp that some people will make small talk, or a comment in passing as a way of being polite and friendly.

Just re-read OP. So your DD had a friend with her, neither of them caught what he said and neither of them thought it was bad enough to report to a parent straight away in any case? I can't remember all the way back but have you spoken the parent/s of DDS friends to see if she can shed any light on the situation?

I still am struggling to see what the problem is or what you would report him for. He said something nondescript and drove off. No one really heard him and there was no harm to the children. Being an immature weirdo is not an offence or my DP would be locked up!
I'm being very very very naive here (blame it on having no sense of personal danger) but if he was 'that bad' would your neighbour get in a van with him once a week?

GinaBambino - for goodness sake, stop talking sense!

The OP is blatantly saying that he is a weirdo for talking to 9 year old girls. But, there is no evidence that this man has been anything other than friendly and appropriate - unless there is more to the story.

Shit sorry user

Stamps. It All Now on thread, and backs quietly away.