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Should I report Parents to Social services?

117 replies

user1462959192 · 11/05/2016 11:19

My Stepson and his wife are the most useless parents I have ever known.
Girl 11, Boy 8

Despite trying for years they(parents) have not changed at all.

Am I over reacting? This is a letter I was going to give them, it's about the same as the others we have sent or spoken to them about, but they ignore them.

The children say you Watch TV all the time when the kids are home, they hate it as you have an 18 rated Game of Thrones program on all the time they shouldn't be watching age 18 programs, so the kids then go upstairs because they hate the program

They say at weekends they do nothing and you just watch TV or go on play Station

It is NOT appropriate to leave small children downstairs alone with a dog in the house, in fact even without the animal as it is classed as child neglect

At weekends or in fact any day, it isn't OK to get up at 9,10,11,12,1pm, they are too young to organise themselves and it is very dangerous.

Children and their life.

Get up before the children and organise their day, uniform, food, things for school, also classed as neglect if you don't.

The school has a website and an App for everything going on at the school, yet you ignore it

X missed out on a Guides night in the woods when the FB page clearly stated where to go.

Ensure their time at school is made easier by making sure they turn up smart in ironed clothes and with all the things needed for the school day. Today and most days they look liked tramps and have food all over their clothes. There shoes are a disgrace.

Ensure they aren't late for school. Their late attendance is appalling, because you are still in bed and the school is 50 yards away

Ensure they get the most from school by allowing them to partake in all after school activities, It is NOT your job to constantly forget to send back forms or kids miss a meal because you forgot to pay

When we collect the kids and their spare clothes, 99% of the time it is wet or damp. There is no excuse as you have a huge garden with plenty of room to hang clothes out.

You refused to attend the last parents evening, which is appalling, so we got the school to ring you

Feed them correctly. A tin of soup is hardly a meal for a growing child, they are often hungry and custard isn't pudding. On the day of Xmas sales You was still in bed at 11, the kids hadn't had breakfast AGAIN,

Ensure a balanced diet, processed frozen food isn't a balanced diet, they tell us they have never had potato, carrots and gravy or a Sunday type dinner at your house.

Ensure the kids are taught about responsibility, for say their room, their things, their life

Ensure they go to bed at a reasonable time and that isn't 9.30pm for a 7-year-old or even later in some cases.

X is 7 and can't even tie his shoes, which shows how much help they aren't given as most 5 year olds can tie their shoes, So we taught him, He goes backwards in his learning during the week when at home then we teach him over the weekends to bring him back up to speed

Another example of lack of help is X spelling is the same level as 4 year old, Big List 1. So in a week we taught her and X and they went up 5 levels

Did you know your kids love to learn and often ask us to give them types of homework

You 100% cannot let your kids go to the park on their own.

Where are X's school shoes? She has gone the whole week wearing non school shoes, why haven't you even bothered to look for them, after all they were in the living room. The thing is you have no idea how they are dressed when they go to school as you are in bed, They say you wave out of the bedroom window to them, Just wtf are you doing in bed at 9am?

Name me one place you have taken the kids since you moved, In fact name me any place the both of you have taken them for fun, I bet that's on less than one hand

She screams like a lunatic at the slightest thing and you do nothing, she even screamed at a frog, it's a frog, yet this never happens at ours probably because you will “cuddle her” She clings on to everyone which could get her in big trouble, when she goes to big school she will be instantly bullied for being fat, dopey and clingy

Your Home:

It is your job to ensure a clean and tidy home for your kids to enjoy, instead of the tip it is.

Not their job to walk through dog and cat piss and shit in the mornings or be scared to wake you, which is outrageous. In fact, they are so scared of you they have never woken you up.

All children love their friends coming round to play, one of X & X's friends live next door to you yet has never visited and vice versa

It is your job to ensure the kids are kept entertained and pointed in the right direction in life, if that's homework, playing with others helping them with x//y/z then so be it. Not just sat in front of a play station

Children like bedrooms that are a great place to play, theirs did look like a drug addicts room, lifeless and no furniture with the floor covered in “crap”. In fact your room is no better,.

The back room downstairs is obviously a dumping ground. The rats will love that rubbish.

It looks like the house hasn't been hoovered for a month.

Even on X after we had kids for the weekend, you still hadn't been arsed to make their beds or hoover up, the place is still a tip

What the kids say

Does mummy tell you to stop sucking your thumb or picking your nose or teeth, NO

So what books does mummy read to you?
“she isn't that sort of mum”

What bedtime stories does she read to you
X “Grandma don't be silly”

I guess homework is easy because your mum and dad helps a lot
“ erm Grandad they never helps us”

Did you enjoy guides?
“I loved it, but mummy won't let me go I know she won’t” and she was right, you should be ashamed to tell her that ½ mile is too far to walk. So one Monday night she missed out on Skating.

So go on tell me the games you play with Mummy?
“She doesn't play with us, she's not that sort of mum”

X are you looking forward to the party? “Yes grandma as I have never been to a party before”, at age 8 & 11 we would have expected the kids to have been in many weekend team/games/sports and to many parties etc, yet they have been or done none at all.

How does mummy help you with reading and school work? They both just laughed.

X, how was Taikwando, “Grandad she never sent the form back again and I wanted to go, she never sends any forms back so we don't do anything all my friends do” he then cried.

Kids did you make mummy and daddy Xmas cards?, no didn't know we should. Did you get cards off mummy and daddy, they both cried.

X birthday, she wanted a bowling party, did she get one? Of course not

Your kids are bored out of their heads because you can't be bothered.

An amazing fact for kids age 8 & 11, they have never had a sleep over, they have NO friends outside of school, they have never taken part in a sport or activity, the only people they play with are each other.

Sometimes you even fall asleep on the settee (they told us) and haven't fed them at 7pm which is a disgrace being as you aren't at work

Your kids think it's their fault you had to go to the police station after social services intervention and you told them to lie if anyone asked, you actually said that they should say everything is OK. As far as we know it was X's mother that started it, maybe you should tell them whose fault it was.

You went to work on a Friday and missed the nativity play that both your children were in, The play started at 1.30 so there is no excuse as your train was a lot later, you just wanted to go to wherever instead of encouraging and seeing your children.

You have never ring up to see how they are, or if you do they can't be bothered to speak to you or X,which says something,

Hubby came home on a Thursday and both of you never even bothered to come and see the kids, which about sums up how little interest you both have in them.

You couldn't even be arsed to buy her first bra, so we did

Update

The house is an utter disgrace, with dog shit stinking the place out, get rid of the pets now

Your kids think the way they act is normal as you give them no guidance at all

Once again they stayed here and you just chucked some clothes into a plastic bag

Most of Xs's clothes don't fit him, not a single thing had been ironed

You need the carpets professionally cleaned as they are a disgrace.

Despite the previous warnings, almost nothing has happened regarding the kids welfare.

They are banned from taking their books home as they keep losing them at home!!!!! That is as bad as losing Xs school shoes when they were in your living room.

Once again nothing is ironed and half their clothes don't fit.

They still continually argue with each other and us, they have no idea this is wrong, as you never correct them.

I feel utterly sorry for the dog and the cats continue to piss over all the clothes, get rid of them.

We spend most of our time, trying to put right the things that you two have never taught your children.

Bedtime, WE take them to bed each night and they are read a story, you don't ever, even when they were 4 years old, so they never clean their teeth or get washed as you don't go upstairs, they then play games with each other often staying up late in the bedroom, you have no idea as you don't check, that’s why they are late for school.

They can play games with each other staying in their own bedrooms AT BEDTIME as they use signals and you never check on them, so they get away with it.

We have had the kids for a week and you or X never rang then once, what an utter disgrace.

back to normal at not caring, as X missed Beavers. Despite it only being 6pm, you should have taken him as it's a 5 minute walk.

house stinks of cat pee again. No wonder you don't want people to come round to your house. How can you be married for 10+ years yet not have any bedroom furniture or even a dining table?

It is almost 2 years since you came to X and you have never taken the kids anywhere except the shops and you shop at the most expensive shop there is, what's wrong with using online shopping? Where it is a lot cheaper?

X missed his end of the season Zorba party, despite you having the details and X paying for it. So we didn't remind you as that isn't our job, we did this on purpose to see if you would organise them, which we knew you wouldn't and have been proven correct.

They still have no interest in anything at all. They are the only kids we know that have no hobbies or interests.

Why is it they almost never have breakfast?

It was the kids science fair and just for a change you couldn't be arsed to go,

They both had a week to practice their experiments, of course you never helped during the whole week, so they were rubbish. It was obvious other parents had helped their kids.

They both argue continually and even did it at the science fair in front of their teachers and X. They never accept they are wrong because they have NO guidance.

It is your job to get them to bring home their PE kit each Friday, they almost never do.

You have no idea what they look like when they go to school as you are in bed, they don’t wash or clean their teeth ever

X has needed new trainers for 2 weeks, bet you never noticed.

X never brought his homework home for a whole year, you never said a thing

I believe it's time we took serious action as this cannot continue

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Didactylos · 12/05/2016 20:37

OP- I see that you describe this letter as one in a series of several letters that you have sent, that have been ignored

and no wonder

whether your stepson and his family have real problems (and they may well do, the dog dirt, hoarding and social isolation of the children sound worrying) this reads like a nasty vituperative poison pen letter, a listing of all possible faults whether serious or petty, with every possible criticism, some things seemingly because they don't match up to your idea of how things should be done eg sunday roasts (and Ironing! - you mention this 3 or 4 times at least)

This isn't the letter of someone saying ' Im worried, I think you have problems, I would like to help' to their child, this is just a rant from a hypercritical, judgemental and rigid individual who feels they can criticize, denigrate and do nothing practical to help: a laundry list of all their real and perceived faults that might make you feel better but does nothing for your grandchildren if there are problems at home, or your stepson and his wife if these problems are because they are struggling in some way. It also makes you out to be utterly clueless about the real issues in their childrearing: you point out lots of things you feel they should do better but seem to have little idea as to whats appropriate for their ages, and a lot of it reads like a personal vendetta: Id love to know what your relationship with your stepson is like

Someone up thread suggested practical things you could do to be a positive influence in your grandchildrens lives, help their parents see and tackle the problems like hygiene issues etc. But I suspect you don't really want to do them, that would take effort and engagement. Much better to vent all your spleen, bury any real concerns under a litany of trivial nit-picking and then sit, confident you've done the right thing by sharing your insight and judgement

HalfpintPixie · 12/05/2016 20:42

Has the op returned at all since this thread was started? Hmm

Zoomtothespoon · 12/05/2016 21:04

I know this is my third reply but this has really wound me up! At 8 and 11 I believe these children should be capable of

  1. putting their clothes in the washing machine and tumble dryer/ clothes horse (can you provide them with washing powder?)

  2. organising their own uniform in the morning

  3. getting their own breakfast

  4. brushing their hair and teeth and washing their face/ showering before school

  5. bringing their homework home and sitting and getting it done/ bringing their PE kits home

  6. knowing where their school shoes are or using their eyes to look for them

Ok maybe they need some guidance and teaching on how to do these- OP why don't you do this?! At least you'll know they're going to school fed, clean and presentable

You could even get them each a set of plastic drawers with at least 5 drawers labelled Monday- Friday and organise a uniform in each drawer and a bowl/spoon/ fun pack of cerial and that long life milk stuff for each day if you're that concerned

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

apple1992 · 12/05/2016 21:31

Zoom - I'm not sure I agree, totally depends on their maturity

waterrat · 12/05/2016 22:04

Zoom if children's parents have opted out of caring for them then the kids are probably pretty damaged and vulnerable so it's a bit unfair to expect them the just pull themselves together at aged 8.

steppemum · 13/05/2016 08:52

zoom - I am not sure about your list.

My 11 year old and 8 year old can do that, and I am encouraging/training them to do that.
But I am doing that as part of a loving family, where for the last 11/8 years they have had the example of what that means. So they know that I wash their uniform and hang it up. They know that they have to put their dirty shirt in the wash and get a clean one out of the drawer. To move the step on to now YOU have to get your own clean clothes out, and now YOU have to put the clean clothes form the washing away, is a step by step process. It is very difficult to do on your own with no parental support and having had no role model of the way things should be done.

When I was teaching, there was a family where mum was an alcoholic and often incapable of looking after the kids. The eldest girl got the younger ones up and out to school. She was about 8 or 9 and was perfectly capable of making sure they were dressed, and finding some breakfast if there was any in the house, (they often went without) and getting them to school. Although she COULD do it, it totally broke my heart that she HAD to.

SS were involved with the family, and about once a month, when they smelt too bad, our Head would phone and SS would go round, bath kids, put some washing through the machine and buy food. They would be OK for a few weeks and then it would slide again. They never crossed whatever invisible borderline it was to get removed from home and get proper support.

wannabestressfree · 13/05/2016 10:03

They happened where I lived 15 years ago. Parents were disgusting and spent money on fags and shit. I swear I have never seen children in hob nail boots and no socks. They stink of urine and their clothes were filthy. The headteacher used to walk down and knock them up to get them into school.... and others.
Twice a year a skip used to arrive and they would strip the house and replace mattresses etc. Why they didn't just take them I don't know. I still think about them.

ChoudeBruxelles · 13/05/2016 10:05

I didn't get to the end of the letter. But we have a 10 year old and 3 dogs. He is left alone with them. He also gets himself up at weekends and I stay in bed (often when dh is out at work)

wannabestressfree · 13/05/2016 10:13

Do you leave dog crap all over the floor though?

Makesomethingupyouprick · 13/05/2016 10:19

Yes report to social services. It does sound like neglect.

Stop gathering evidence to compile more hateful letters to further your sense of self righteousness and superiority.

You sound like an emotionally abusive, judgemental, sneaky, awful person that I would keep my children away from.

corythatwas · 13/05/2016 10:27

What the OP needs to do is to disengage from his hatred of the parents and think through clearly what the important points are:

dog shit- if this is indeed a regular occurrence which is not cleared up on a regular basis and not just the case of the dog having crapped once
(given the tone of the letter I do wonder a little if the OP is prone to exaggeration)

cat wee: d:o

school attendance: d:o (and make sure this is not due to legitimate causes)

genuinely poor nutrition: again, think it through carefully (frozen food does not have to be nutritionally deficient, any more that a roast has to be healthy)

poor hygiene in the children, including no encouragement to take care of teeth

The above are serious points and may well be enough for a referral to SS.

The reason I am a little suspicious of the pet question is that the OP seems to have it in for pets in general (no 11yo or 8yo should be "left alone with a dog in the house", "get rid of the pets", "get rid of them",), rather than explaining why this particular dog is dangerous to be alone with and not to be compared with the thousands of ordinary family dogs that enrich the lives of children across the country. If he is very hostile towards pets, might he not just be exaggerating the hygiene issues?

corythatwas · 13/05/2016 10:28

Sorry, had forgotten that ditto has to be written out: did not mean to be grinning manically for no reason Blush

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 13/05/2016 11:08

Do you leave dog crap all over the floor though?

Do the people the letter is about? We don't know. We certainly can't trust the OP on the subject.

squizita · 13/05/2016 12:53

The reason I am a little suspicious of the pet question is that the OP seems to have it in for pets in general (no 11yo or 8yo should be "left alone with a dog in the house", "get rid of the pets", "get rid of them",), rather than explaining why this particular dog is dangerous to be alone with and not to be compared with the thousands of ordinary family dogs that enrich the lives of children across the country. If he is very hostile towards pets, might he not just be exaggerating the hygiene issues?

Just looked back on it ... good point.

I just find the whole situation sad - neglect by parent or emotional instability via grandparents appears to be the choice for these kids.

Can people stop confusing his noticing the neglect with him being some kind of saint?

The reality is much sadder. :(

FATEdestiny · 13/05/2016 14:34

Do you leave dog crap all over the floor though?

As a means to show that context is important:

We wake up every morning to dog poo and wee in the kitchen. That's because we have a 4 month old puppy. We are working on it and the dog will be house trained eventually.

Last year, we had issue with cat wee in unexpected places (on piles of clothes, towels, beds). That's because our elderly cat was becoming incontinent. Previously she's always toileted outside or litter tray. She died not long after the incontinence started.

Both of these are not a long term hygiene issues, but nonetheless are unavoidable hygiene problems associated with owning pets. Our home is loving and nurturing (to children and animals!), not neglectful.

squizita · 13/05/2016 15:49

FATE YY exactly.

We do not know whether it's every day OR once but never cleaned OR once and was cleaned and the letter is obsessing.

Even the OP is asking for investigation i.e. a proper diagnostic.
We can see something probably is wrong - but we don't know because we have quite muddled, biased information. It probably is neglect, but a professional needs to check.

Zoomtothespoon · 14/05/2016 13:52

Steppe- that's so sad! I suppose for me, I'm looking from someone whose child would be capable of doing that- but only because I have also done so for him before encouraging him to start taking on some of this responsibility for himself.

Then it crossed my mind that I'm saying that they're capable of putting together their own breakfast, but if the parents are as neglectful as the OP says they are, then there may not actually be any breakfast in the house for them!

Truly ignorant post of me to make Sad

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