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Parenting

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Original poster

Becoming a mum, what you wish you'd known...

111 replies

chillthefXXkout · 19/04/2016 11:24

I am currently pregnant with our much wanted first baby, and feel like I am entering the great unknown. I'm both excited and very unsure of what to expect! I know my life is about to change. Several people in RL have told me that the early months really took them by surprise which sounds a bit....ominous.

So, what would you lovely ladies go back and tell yourself when you were expecting your first? I'm looking for the good, the bad and the ugly, and any tips for surviving the bad/ugly are welcome

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mermaid36 · 20/04/2016 18:32

(Not RTFT)

Based on my 5 days experience of being a mummy to very premature twins...

It's ok when it all goes to shit and everything goes wrong.
You have not failed when the above happens.
It's ok to cry over everything/anything - good or bad
If you want the drugs, take them. There is no shame in saying that it hurts and no prizes for sucking up the pain.
NHS toast is bloody magical

FarAwayHills · 20/04/2016 19:20

The idea that babies feed roughly every 4 hours is a myth that lead me to believe there will be a gap of 4 hours where I can lounge around and catch up on sleep. Actually in the early days the feeding, winding and changing takes up most of that 4 hour cycle, then sleep for an hour or so if you're lucky then start all over again.

Solasum · 20/04/2016 21:24

Learn how to feed lying down as soon as you can.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Maca12 · 20/04/2016 21:49

So many things,

Everyone tells you to sleep when baby does, you do not, instead you watch them sleeping! Enjoy this time do not feel guilty
Breastfeeding basket as mentioned plus a big blanket to cover sofa in case of baby accidents, poo from leaking nappy, breastmilk, formula do not mix well with sofa material
Two change mats one upstairs other downstairs, save those legs
When you need a shower put the baby in a bouncer and put them in the bathroom with you, otherwise you worry you will not hear them cry or you are too tired to shower when dh gets home from work
Warn visitors an hour is enough visiting time otherwise you end up looking after them eg. Endless cups of teas, serving biscuits etc. When you need to look after yourself

All the best x

AgaKhant · 20/04/2016 22:06

My NCT teacher said 'Cherish every second - do not worry about the 's/he should be rolling/crawling/walking by now - before you know it they'll be off to uni'

I thought she was talking balderdash but it turns out she was right - I wish I had spent all my time during their babyhoods just gazing, and playing with them all through their toddlerhoods - my youngest was 10 last week. I remember so very much of his birth as though it were the week before last.

Indulge yourself, cherish every minute, love them and share in their fascination with the world.

doleritedinosaur · 20/04/2016 22:24

If the baby is asleep do not do anything! I can't sleep in the day, so I just sat on the sofa/lay in bed with Netflix & All 4 boxsets. My health visitor said, no housework, no nothing.

If breastfeeding have everything to hand in what room you're in, for me this was bedroom & living room. I had a 2l bottle of squash/biscuits/fruit/cake etc.

If I had energy I batch cooked for the next few days & froze it incase of cluster feeding.

Cluster feeding means hours & hours of feeding but I was lucky sometimes to put him in the pram & go for a walk. Never knew beforehand how long feeding would be & it does seem like hours.

Put a spare change of your clothes in the changing bag as well as the baby. After getting peed on in a coffee shop, I just had a warm, wet vest top to go home in.

Coconut oil on the baby's bum for the first few weeks stops stickiness & no chemicals like Vaseline.

Enjoy as much as you can but its okay to want to spend time not being a mummy/mum/Whatever.

ALongTimeComing · 20/04/2016 22:46

That you will hurt after delivery. Like your whole body will ache like you've run a marathon.

That so many people will visit, I found this quite distressing actually. Say no if you don't want anyone round!

ALongTimeComing · 20/04/2016 22:54

You might get post birth night sweats for a few weeks.

If you want to breastfeed you've got to be very pig headed about it.

Sunbeam18 · 21/04/2016 08:48

Read The Unmummsy Mum!

Threesocks · 21/04/2016 08:57

That sometimes it is nowhere near as bad as everyone wants you - I had lots of people telling me how hard it would be, but it was all fine. You cope, because you need to ...... But ask for help if you need it

And congratulations!!!

ApproachingATunnel · 21/04/2016 10:38

I wish i had known that i will be permanently tired for the next 4-5 years. On top of that you will have to continue functioning at work despite not having slept properly since giving birth.

But you adapt to it because there is no alternative.
We have no family around to help us, if we had im sure it would be different.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 21/04/2016 10:41

That nothing can prepare you for suddenly having to put someone else first for every second of the day. I knew that was what would happen but had no concept of how intrusive it would be on my every waking (and sleeping) moment. It took me a long time to let go of the distress I felt at not being able to finish a sentence without being distracted by the baby's need or even worse now they are all toddlers, finishing thoughts in my head. It's like constantly being tapped on the shoulder and multiplies with more children. It still drives me mad at times but now I have let go of trying to control the situation I don't feel low and anxious and confused about it.

CaptainWarbeck · 21/04/2016 10:59

I expected to love my baby but be ready to be working from home during mat leave because I'd probably find it all a bit boring.

I didn't expect to fall completely in love with his little face as soon as I held him and not care about anything else at all for months after his birth. Didn't want to go back to work, priorities changed completely. Both are totally okay, I guess you just can't predict how you'll feel once they're here.

There's been a fair bit of the bad and the ugly already so, some good: the smell of a newborn baby's head is like catnip for humans, and seeing that first little smile is the best thing ever. When they first raise their arms to be picked up and nestle their face into your neck. When you watch them sleep and can't believe how beautiful they are. It's magical and brilliant and the most ridiculously hard work all at once.

Congrats and enjoy

Shirkingfromhome · 21/04/2016 16:10

That you'll gain the ability to cry for no apparent reason (regardless of how hard-faced you were before).

ParsleyTheLion1 · 21/04/2016 16:18

That audiobooks are a great way of continuing to 'read' whilst breastfeeding (turning the pages on an actual book can be more tricky when bf-ing)

salsamad · 21/04/2016 16:28

That ambition and drive for work go through the window when your adorable little baby arrives. That parenting a baby/toddler/child though wonderful and stressful at times is nothing compared to parenting a teenager/young adult - my patience has been stretched to its limit and beyond!

Jemappelle · 21/04/2016 17:15

That ambition and drive for work go through the window when your adorable little baby arrives.

That you and society may well expect the above ^^ to happen and that it doesn't. Your adorable little baby steals your heart but your drive for your vocation/profession remains untouched and you become a mum version of the ardent botanist/lawyer/doctor you already were. That it all comes together beautifully and nothing flies out if the window.

Lules · 21/04/2016 17:18

My advice is that you don't have to follow anyone's advice! Do you what you think is right. Babies are different. Adults are different. Also - only try to fix problems if they are actually problems and it's not just that your baby is fitting into your/ your friends/your family's preconceived ideas about what a baby should do

BabyPeanut123 · 21/04/2016 18:19

Am also about to become a first time mum, and reading this thread is so reassuring!! I feel a bit like I'm supposed to be supermum from the word go, when in reality I'm s**t scared about how I'll cope. And admitting that you're at all worried seems to just result in people saying 'oh you'll be fine'. Really?!

Thanks to everyone for their tops tips,, much appreciated!!

salsamad · 21/04/2016 20:02

Jemappelle I was posting about myself - stating what I wish I had known before I had my DS and became a mum. What I wrote about losing my ambition is what happened to me personally, which is what the OP had requested in her original post.
I don't think you needed to highlight my post as some kind of criticism about the way I felt or was affected by parenthood - wanting to become a SAHM and loosing the desire for my career was surprising for me at the time.

magratvonlipwig · 21/04/2016 20:04

Trust your insticts. Do what makes you and baby happy. Don't judge your babys progress against other kids. There is no "normal" age to pre in a potty,sleep for 6 hours, crawl, walk, whatever.
You dont need fancy gadgets.
Enjoy it..they grow up too quick.

Jemappelle · 21/04/2016 20:20

Throughout this whole Thread countless times people have posted saying X will happen, then another. I'm has come and quoted X and said well X may not happen. I think I've read about five such instances on this thread itself if not more

Mine was the next instance. Monroe these were criticisms. If Mum Asakd THIS will happen Mum B has come and said THIS may not Happen. It's ben said about feeding sleeping through - hell even bonding with the baby.

Nobody has been criticised in any of these cases.

Jemappelle · 21/04/2016 20:22

Christ. Typos one handed what not. One handed typing WILL definitely happen.

PurpleRibbons · 21/04/2016 20:31

I didn't know that the first time the baby sleeps for longer than 3 hours I'd wake up with painful, rock hard boobs and a soaked bed from all the leaked milk. Sleep on a towel if you breastfeed!

salsamad · 21/04/2016 20:50

Jemappelle you highlighted and directly quoted exactly what I had written. It felt like you were being critical to me.

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