Becoming a mum, what you wish you'd known...

[chillthefXXkout]

I am currently pregnant with our much wanted first baby, and feel like I am entering the great unknown. I'm both excited and very unsure of what to expect! I know my life is about to change. Several people in RL have told me that the early months really took them by surprise which sounds a bit....ominous.

So, what would you lovely ladies go back and tell yourself when you were expecting your first? I'm looking for the good, the bad and the ugly, and any tips for surviving the bad/ugly are welcome

The early weeks weren't as bad as I expected. I was really dreading having the baby attached to me 24/7 (unplanned pregnancy at 18), but it wasn't like that at all. I didn't think I would cry when I first saw him. Proper love at first sight. I'll be honest though, potty training nearly broke me. It took every bit of patience and determination I had, but we got there in the end, by his third birthday. He's 5 now and I could count any accidents on one hand. People keep asking me now am I ready for another, but am at that stage where babyhood is far behind, and ds seems so grown up, and way easier and more fun to spend time with I don't do toddlers. Don't think I could repeat that bit again, once was enough

That my whole life is literally spent trying to get a baby to sleep

Trust Yourself - To trust your own instinct - yes even as a first time Mum! Listen and trust your instinct afterall you know your baby better than anyone.

Eat & Drink - BF makes you VERY thirsty and VERY hungry so don't get hung up on trying to loose the pregnancy weight - it will come off. I still had to take a 'tuckbox' of food up to bed with me for overnight. BF, daily walks out with the pram and general running around will make you loose the weight.

Get Support - Maternity leave can be lonely, I'm not one for all the different baby classes but i did join a pregancy class to meet other soon-to-be mums at same time as me so I keep in touch with a group of ladies and we meet once a month which has been fantastic and a huge support.

Get Dressed & Wash - I appreciate most days are effectively going to be 'pajama days' but I always made an effort to get myself dressed in the morning and have a wash (hell, even if it was a babywipe wash!) the fact is it was my way of keeping my sense of feeling good about myself. Ok my clothes weren't great and usually had baby sick on them but get out of the fog of nighttime and into daytime and keep the routine going. It helped A LOT.

I wish someone had told me those vests with the wide necks, come down over the body, as well as up over the head, so when baby is up to the armpits in poo, you don't have to drag vest over head (sorry ds)

hahaha!! ^^ Me too! Took me weeks to figure that one out!! Poop in the hair - lovely! Only found out by stumbling across a youtube video of another women who'd never known - makes me wonder how many people don't know!!

yes to the wide neck vests, it took me even longer to work out that it easier to put them on that way too, no more trying to do up crotch poppers on a wriggly baby. Youngest DC is well trained now, I hold up the vest and he lifts his foot up!

Agree with all the above.

Just to add that I was really shocked by how huge my stomach was after pushing the baby out, and for the first couple of weeks afterwards and even now 11 years later. Of course I wasn't expecting to go back to pre-pregnancy size straight away and still haven't, but I really wasn't expecting to have to walk out of hospital in my old maternity jeans!

If you need to, TAKE THE DRUGS. As someone previously said, there is no medal for how you give birth. My first I had an epidural in a 24 hour labour, my second was done with no pain relief and done and dusted within a couple of hours.

Full your freezer with ready meals. Ones you can eat with one hand so nothing that needs cutting with a knife.

Don't feel you have to dress baby in tiny little proper outfits. Babygros are the most comfortable thing for baby for months and months.

Ban all but essential visitors for a few weeks. You'll feel better not being under pressure to 'perform' for guests.

A hot water bottle in the basket/crib to warm the mattress helps the transition of a sleeping baby from arms to bed. Alternatively just let them sleep on you if they're happy. When they are so tiny you cannot spoil them.

They're expensive but Water Wipes are so much easier than cotton wool for the first few weeks.

Come on mumsnet often, it'll make you laugh until you pee.
Good luck X

I wish is been easier on myself and tried not to be perfect all the time.

Remember your baby has not read the expert parenting book

Trust your instincts - you know your baby best

Ignore boastful comments from other mums claiming life is a breeze and their amazing baby sleeps through the night. Treat repeated posts on FB of this nature with suspicion

That breastfeeding is sometimes horrendously painful but if you stick at it and get help the pain goes after a couple of weeks and then it's free and easy!

That the baby phase is not the be all and end all and it's ok to find bits of it dull and hard work

That my whole life is literally spent trying to get a baby to sleep

This was how I felt from when DS was about six months to 12 months old. I naively assumed babies just sleep. They don't.

"That my whole life is literally spent trying to get a baby to sleep"

That's not true of all babies. DS slept well as a baby as long as we were in the same room. (I appreciate this isn't true for all babies). We didn't look at the clock at all, he simply slept when he wanted. If it was daytime he slept in the living room with all the noise around him. If at night he'd be in our bedroom. This would be my top tip actually - go with the flow and don't look at the clock!

All my antenatal friends could tell me exactly when their babies woke and slept by the clock snd seemed super stressed about it. We let DS nap in his moses basket when he wanted to, then took him up to bed with us when we went to bed.

I now have a 7 year old who sleeps well and a toddler who sleeps OK. I have never spent hours shush-patting or trying to get a non-sleepy baby to sleep.

That's not to say they slept well as toddlers (like my friend's baby who just magically went to sleep at 6pm every night for 12 hours) but I decided I'd rather let a toddler stay up late and nap in the day tham spend hours on my own with them in a dark roo. trying to make them sleep.

If routine is important to you, by all means give it a go but don't feel you have to, do what suits you and your baby, as much as you can.

OK maybe never is an exaggeration
There has been the odd occasion.

But certainly not as a regular thing.

That's the thing, they're all so different, and each family set up is so different too you need to find what works for you.

That you need to ignore it when others come and tell you well their baby slept/ate/developed.

1. That all babies are different. I think people told me this but I didn't really get it. I thought my experience would be roughly like my friends' who already had DC. It wasn't. And it wasn't my fault or because I was "doing it wrong" - I just had a different bloody hard work baby.

Honestly I can't stress this point enough. Some people have a breeze and wonder what all the fuss is about. Some people have an absolute nightmare and wonder why they weren't warned. You have very little control over what kind of experience you will have (despite what the baby books suggest). However, here's a few things that would have helped me...

1. That babies need a LOT of sleep, or they get horribly overtired and screamy. In the early months they need to spend about 15-16 hours a day sleeping. And some of them need a LOT of help to sleep (especially if they're already overtired). So be prepared to spend a lot of time feeding, bouncing, rocking, pushing a pram, saying Shhhh repeatedly or whatever works. That said, some babies just sleep (see 1).

1. That BF can be very very difficult, BUT it's usually fixable, IF you get the right help soon enough. If you have problems BF, the best thing to do is see a good private lactation consultant asap (HVs and GPs are pretty useless on BF problems). On the other hand some babies BF like a dream (see 1).

1. That you cannot impose a routine on a baby if it doesn't want to comply. Some babies will naturally fall into a routine, others will comply with an imposed routine, others will absolutely not hear of it (see 1). However, doing everything "on demand" isn't necessarily right for all babies either (mine for example would never sleep unless forced to with pram walk or similar).

1. That it all gets a lot better at 4 months. Then better again at 6 months. Then better again at 10 months, 12 months, 18 months I won't talk about ages 2 and 3.

That teenagers are the hardest work! Don't get me wrong, Dd 17 is a good kid, but exams and choosing a uni is going to make me completely grey by the end of summer. Have had a bad day today

That's its ok to take some time for yourself. Remember who you are, what you enjoy.

That one day you will look back on the hours you spent awake feeding your baby in the darkest hours of the night when it felt like you were the only two people awake in the the world and be nostalgic. I was sceptical when told this, but for me it was certainly true.

That there is always someone awake on Mumsnet.

Do your pelvic floor exercises - a lot!

You will wear out the knees of all your jeans.
Getting mascara on in the morning is an achievement.
Going from full pay to maternity pay will make you want to cry.
Being bored is a luxury.
If George Pig says "dinosaur, grrrrr" one more time I will swing for someone.

That you can not spoil a baby by cuddling it too much
That feeding to sleep is ok
That doing nothing all day aside from watching your baby is ok

Everything is a phase. Routines change, sleepness nights will come and go, sometimes you'll feel like you've got it sorted and other times you'll feel like you have no idea.

Make the most of lunches / dinners with a non-crawling / non-walking baby.

You will have an irrational hatred of mundane objects like cheerios, raisins, Lego.

Congratulations

It's only a problem if it's a problem for you.

Re. co-sleeping, attachment parenting, cuddling to sleep, anything that anyone else has an opinion on.

Oh, yes, yes, yes to PP who said leave them in baby grows as long as possible. Mine has just turned 2 and he wears one around the house all day if we aren't going out.