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Parenting

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Original poster

To let SIL take daughter swimming?

147 replies

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 14:28

Would I be unreasonable to say no to SIL wanting to take 8 month old swimming? She's asked me when she comes up as she doesn't live near us if she can take her. It would be for an hour or so but I can't help but feel a bit anxious about it. Would others be ok with it?

OP posts:

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LondonStill83 · 14/04/2016 15:43

I think you're just being a bit cautious, as its your first. Just let her help and feel connected. It's pretty awesome being an auntie and you shouldn't overlook the love she will have for her little family member!

I am four months pregnant with my first and hope the little one will have many aunties and uncles to be exposed to- and to give me a break!

JugglingBabies · 14/04/2016 15:44

Gosh I only wish any of my SILs would show such a keen interest in in my DC's! I would be glad of the couple of hours break. Go do something nice with your hubby instead & enjoy the peace!

BertrandRussell · 14/04/2016 15:47

"
As far as I am concerned, the more people within my family and close friends circle who love my DCs and are happy to spend time with them, the better"
Oh this, times 100. Can it be stuck to the top of mumsnet? Thinking about it would probably halve the number of theads started!

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Thurlow · 14/04/2016 15:48

I think it's nice. She wants to be close to her niece. Obviously at 8mo a lot of people would see that as quite early to take her on her own and there's no real "need" but it sounds as though she would like to be an important adult in your child's life, and part of that is feeling a) trusted to look after the child, b) allowed to spend some time alone together.

It feels like she can't wait to get her on her own Maybe she really can't. But that doesn't automatically mean in a trying-to-take-her-away way, just that she likes children and would enjoy some one-on-one time with her.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 14/04/2016 15:48

Unless she's taking her on her own to be kind, I would want to go too. There's really no reason to leave you at home unless it's expected that you'd welcome the break, as your baby is too small for it to make any difference to creating family ties if you're there or not. Your baby will almost certainly prefer it if you're there so if you want to go, just say so.

Original poster

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 15:49

I am pfb naturally and just don't want anyone getting to over the top is all.

OP posts:

crayfish · 14/04/2016 15:57

I wouldn't really like it but not because she can't have children herself, which is irrelevant, more because I'm a bit pfb about my own 9mo DS and a swimming trip can be tricky to manage with a baby. I take DS swimming every week and whilst the actual swimming is great fun, the getting us both ready before and afterwards can be stressful. Can you go together? Then it's fun for SIL but you can be on hand to help dress wriggly baby afterwards?

gpignname · 14/04/2016 16:14

You need to trust your instinct. If your baby is at the clingy stage and not used to be taken anywhere without you then being taken off swimming without you might not be the fun experience it is meant to be, however well meaning and experienced SIL is. I would want to be on hand in the café in case baby isn't happy. It wont be a break for you if you are anxious the whole time.

MrsJayy · 14/04/2016 16:16

Its not really OTT to want to spend time with a baby but if you are not keen go with them

EasilyDistracted21 · 14/04/2016 16:19

I don't really inderstand why her fertility is relevant? She's your family and she has a lot of experience with kids. I don't really see your issue at all

BertrandRussell · 14/04/2016 16:40

I used to love having my nieces and nephews and god children all to myself. Before I had my own children, that is. Now I don't like even having my own on my own that much..........

Thurlow · 14/04/2016 16:41

I remember that stage, Bertrand, I was desperate to do thing with my nephew, now... You want DD for a few hours? Take her!

Hissy · 14/04/2016 16:47

I have never understood why some people have this burning desire to get babies on their own.

My circumstances were extremely unique and largely irrelevant to this situation, but there is no way at 8m I'd have handed my baby over to anyone

My love, your instincts are what will make your decision here. If you're not comfortable with it - for whatever reason- then that is good enough an excuse/reason.

Thanks for offering Sil, I'll come with you.

or thanks for offering Sil, when she's a little older, I'll think about it.

MrsJayy · 14/04/2016 16:51

Its not anyone it is her aunt and a burningdesire is a wee bit dramatic she wants to take the baby swimming not clutch her to her busom

Hissy · 14/04/2016 17:19

Family are just people. They don't behave any better because there is "blood" involved. No my experience, I'd trust friends more than I'd trust my family, but that's cos I have reason to.

It's the pressure of "on our own" that is bizarre to me. I would enjoy caring for another child along with mine, but I'd never ask to have them on their own. Why is Sil not happy to extend invitation to the op? That's a normal adult concept.

The key here is how the op immediately feels. If it jars, then it's either not right or too soon.

It's up to the mother here.

Alohamora · 14/04/2016 17:26

Wasn't there a poster recently whose sister in law was being a tad obsessive over the OP's daughter? Wanting to be on her own with the baby and wanting to do lots without the OP present?

OP do what feels right to you. If you don't feel ready to let them go swimming then don't. Maybe offer an alternative?

Original poster

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 17:31

That wasn't me who posted before about SIL. I just don't know what to do! If I say no it's going to upset her, if I say I don't want to be alone she will say well she's in nursery now so what's the issue, you don't go there with her etc

OP posts:

mogloveseggs · 14/04/2016 17:36

Tell her you've booked a mum and baby swimming lesson and want that to be her first time if you're bothered. If you're OK with it, then I'd say something about it being a nightmare getting big of you changed so you're going to come and dress/undress baby then the whole thing is enjoyable for all of you.

mogloveseggs · 14/04/2016 17:37

*both

BertrandRussell · 14/04/2016 17:38

So why not write down three reasons you want to say no. And consider also whether it's just her you would say no to, and if not, who would you say yes to and why.

firewithfire · 14/04/2016 17:43

Does she want to take my baby for a swim instead? She sounds amazing.

Original poster

Ohsotired123 · 14/04/2016 17:55

Bert and Russell good point. I suppose I just don't want it becoming a regular request when she comes up for weekends it'll soon be can I take her here for the whole day. When I'm back at work weekends will be so precious for me. BUt I can't push her out can I as she is family. I do realise I am a bit pfb, I am just seeing or predicting the future I guess.

OP posts:

TimeOfGlass · 14/04/2016 17:55

Would you be able to go along with them? Get your DD changed and then sit in the cafe or near the pool while they swim?

This is pretty much what we have planned with my SIL for the next time we visit them. She wants to take DS1 swimming, wants me to go along to help him dress / undress and handle any toilet trips, and then have me sit in the cafe with a cup of tea while she has fun in the water with DS1. Although he is older than your DD.

MrsJayy · 14/04/2016 17:58

Just say you think it would be a nice family hour out if she says well she is at nursery say well she is familiar with the surroundings and staff its part of her routine swimming might upset her as its not part of her usual routine its not weird for sil to take her but if you are uncomfy with it just say no

BertrandRussell · 14/04/2016 17:59

". I suppose I just don't want it becoming a regular request when she comes up for weekend"

How often does she come?

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