How to tell a 5 yr old about periods?

[Bubblesmum]

Hi,
My 5 year old daughter has become curious about the bins in the ladies for STs and Tampons and wants to know what's in them? and will try to look at every opportunity (yuck!).
I have always tried to be honest with her and give her age appropriate answers to questions like 'how does the baby get out of your belly' ? etc... but I'm finding it hard to come up with an age appriopriate way to tell her about periods.

Any advice?

Thanks !!

BUt I think there's a difference between not volunteering information (which is fine) and intentionally giving inaccurate information in response to a direct question (which I'm uncomfortable about). So when asked eg., "does it hurt when the baby comes out?" I've fudged (imo) and said, 'well it hurts a bit but they give you medicine to make it better'.

Obviously there are lots of hideous things out there that they don't need to know about, but I think I would always answer a direct question as truthfully as I could, even if I was only giving a tiny bit of the truth.

I think it's a cultural thing tbh. When staying with my German cousins I picked up a sex-ed book they had for their kids (of whom the eldest was maybe 5) and my jaw hit the floor. Graphic wasn't in it photographs of erections, vaginas, intercourse, childbirth, the works. All in tasteful arty black-and-white, but clearly 18-ratable in UK terms. Dh and I were gibbering in amazement, but the cousins simply couldn't see what all the fuss was about to them the book was an accurate representation of the facts, so what was the problem?

I haven't told either of mine anything yet - they are 4 and 2 - as they haven't asked. Tampax are "Mummy's things" and that has sufficed for now.

I have told her that mummys have babies and the other day she said to dh that when she and dd2 have babies "there will be 3 mummys in the house". Dh said that she wouldn't live here then, she would have her own house, and she was INCONSOLABLE for about an hour, seriously, wailing on about not wanting to leave and staying with us "for ever and ever, sob wail sob".

So I will leave things alone for now .

we call it the "baby nest" that mama makes every mouth and when no baby, blood comes out, baby nest comes out.

She loves helping put the pad on my knickers! Let her have one for her knickers last time. She is 3

I think part of the difficulty with periods is that for kids (and many male adults) the idea of blood/pain/illness is inextricably linked and therefore potentially a disturbing concept.

You all lie to everyone else all the time. You must do, that's how social conventions are maintined. The average person lies 50 times a day(actually I made that up, can't remember the statisic but it seemed ALOT.) Why are you so hung up about lying to your children? You do it anyway, either by ommision, or to protect them, or boost their confidence, or make them happy, or because it's not the right time, or place, or it doesn't seem important...etc...etc...

And telling your child childbirth hurts 'a bit' is not lying by ommision, it's just plain lying. So as not to scare them.

And a good point was made earlier, what do you say if they ask if periods hurt? They do, for lots of people, and like hell for some.

I actually don't have a problem with telling them if you and they seem comfortable, but this never lieing stance I find bizarre and unsustainable.

I also agree that it's definetly cultural. but me and my kids are not German (or any other more liberal nationalaity) and we live here. I don't want mine to be the first in the class unecessarily burdende with knowledge.

Just play Star Wars, much more fun.

None of us have said we don't lie, or are hung up about lying to our children. I simply believe that if a child is old enough to ask, she is old enough to know. I lie by omission, really; someone earlier mentioned her child asking about murder - we never, ever have the news on when my dd is around to see it, so she has been deliberately protected from most of the awful things that go on in the world. She won't be asking questions about things like murder yet, because they are not things that she will routinely see, and hopefully they are not things that she will ever experience.

Those are the kind of things I think she doesn't need to know about ... periods, though, just don't fall into that category for me, I can't see talking about them as a bad thing as hard as I try. This gradual drip, drip approach will hopefully mean that I can avoid the awkward Big Talk when she's older and likely to be embarrassed by Mum at the best of times let alone talking about something like that, and she will be aware of what's happening at whatever point it arrives.

Things I lie to my kids about:

Their pictures are brilliant
Father Christmas
The truth of the Holocaut*
The bloody toilet paper*
That David Beckham does wear his vest when his mummy tells him too
What really happended in the Tsumani*
What child abuse really is*
That he's the cleverest boy in the world
That I'm really a Power Ranger who goes out at night to fight evil
The tooth fairy
That he is bound to be able to play for West Brom when a grown up
What happened in Rwanda*
What mummy's vibrator is really for
That he can't have a playstation until he's 16
That Mummies really can stop you joining the army even when you're grown up
The hellish truth of war*

The ones with an * I intend to provide the truth at a later date, as they are important. Others they will work out themselves.

I'm pretty open with mine about bodies, sex etc. If they ask then I tell them (a simplified version) in the same way that my ds1 knows a simplified version of how the digestive system, kidneys etc work. It's not about being "truthful" or anything like that, I just want to normalise it all, because they're all just bodily functions in the same way as pooing or weeing. I also think that more I talk to them about it while they're young and I feel unembarrassed about it, the more normal it's going to be to talk about it when they're older.

I remember being given "The Talk" by my mum at about 9 or 10 and finding it very embarrasing because we'd never talked about it before. She wasn't embarrassed but it seemed like a Big Deal so when I started my periods I found it very difficult to tell her. I could never in a million years talked to her about contraception and I want my children to feel able to.

People were basing their arguments on a need for truth and it being damaging to lie.

I agree it's not a problem for kids to know about periods when5/6yrs(although it will disturb some) but also not a problem for them not to know until their 9/10ish(maybe bit earlier for girls).

It's just this idea that NOT telling them when asked is damaging. I wanted to make the point it falls into a category of 'things we don't always tell the truth about at the time' and the truth can wait a while.

Knowledge about periods not damaging, obsession with the truth might be.

Incidentally, none of mine know about periods yet because I haven't had one for so flipping long what with constant childbearing and breastfeeding They know about lochia though

Also would reiterete, I wouldn't want my 6yr old to be the one in the class informing all the others.

and in my world ost people are probably fudging it for the momment, at least until 8/9yrs.

Wat's the rush? It's normal and natural now, and it still will be in 2yrs time.

That's Califrau, I will keep that pic for proof on a cold day!

It obviously works for you and your children, RocketScience. It wouldn't work for me and my dd (who, by the way, hasn't broadcast anything through the school yet!)though - I wouldn't be happy leaving genuine questions unanswered, and she wouldn't let it rest until I did answer.

I am treating it just like any other curious question about the way her body works - if I'm happy to tell her what poo is when she asks, I can't see any reason not to tell her about periods as well.

Horses for courses and all that ...

I follow WWB's approach. My two have both asked and both been told (they are 6 and 5). Not sure how much went in but it stopped the questions!

They also asked lots of questions about getting a baby - which then led to lots of questions about how the 2 mummy family and 2 daddy family we know could have children arrggh .

of course of course. goes without saying that you're lead by the kids. they ask more questions, you say.

i was referring to what felt like a reluctance for them to know the (ugly?, scarey?) truth about periods...as if saving them from knowledge of something horrible (????????!!!!!!)

No, but if she isn't interested enough to ask the question, I don't feel that she needs to know atm.

Any more than she needs to know about how the ozone layer works, or how chemicals react.

If she is interested, she'll ask me, and then I'll tell her

frogs reread my earlier post and you will see read clearly!!! i said nothing against telling the facts of life before 10,(this is so typical of how people read things on forums) i just dont think periods need to be explained at 5, and of course if a child comes questioning at 8 or 9 well one isnt going to lie but natuarally expalin.

Actaully WWB I agree with all you say.

It was just this idea that if you LIE it's a terrible thing. I found that a bit naive and self deluding.

I do think though that in Rl I'd fall into thew 'normal range' where most people wouldn't tell a 5yr old about periods. But then I guess we all think we're in the noraml range...maybe I'm self deluded...

I don't think it is a terrible thing to lie. I don't think it's necessarily the right thing in all circumstances, but it's not a terrible thing.

My perception of the "normal" range of telling children about periods is coloured rather by the fact my mother didn't tell me anything at all, and that was tough when mine started because I knew nothing. I thought I was going to bleed to death, and when it started again a few weeks later I was terrified. Luckily I had a really sympathetic teacher at school who realised I was upset about something and talked to me about it, but the way my mother dealt with it left me far more traumatised than I would have been if she'd been open about things from the start. I was only just 9, and it was a horrible way to find out about periods. I'd like to hope that telling dd in the way I am doing is a much gentler, kinder way of doing things.

I'm not saying that I think we should go into all the gory details, but just giving the basic facts doesn't necessarily mean going into detail about the grisly stuff. When dd asked if it hurt I didn't lie as such, but I did evade the question slightly; I told her that it wasn't the same as a cut, it's not the same kind of blood as when you cut yourself so it doesn't feel the same as cutting yourself. It wasn't exactly what she was asking, but in that case it wasn't necessary to be brutally honest with her.

I can totally understand why you want your experience repeated WWb, by anyone.

Sorry WWB,DON'T want it experienced

Ignorence was not bliss for you wwb! openness with our children is always the key, I think.

I have never been asked anything about periods ,but I am another person who actually gets to go to the toilet on their own(didn't realise it was such a big deal with kids over about 2 )
Just wondered whether to broach it myself in case dd starts early like I did.

When I was about 5 or 6 I found my mum's sanitary towels in a drawer. I asked mum what they were for and she said something along the line of how they were to keep ladies' knickers clean or something.

So I decided that they must be a sort of adult nappy, put a sanitary pad in my pants and deliberately weed myself. The pad was not very effective at containing the wee and I concluded that there must be more to it. So I asked again, this time when we were with my grandma, much to my mum's discomfort.

When my DS asks (he is 4 months at the moment so we have a way to go yet!), I'll be looking for the answer that gives the simplest explanation and causes the least curiosity!