How to tell a 5 yr old about periods?

[Bubblesmum]

Hi,
My 5 year old daughter has become curious about the bins in the ladies for STs and Tampons and wants to know what's in them? and will try to look at every opportunity (yuck!).
I have always tried to be honest with her and give her age appropriate answers to questions like 'how does the baby get out of your belly' ? etc... but I'm finding it hard to come up with an age appriopriate way to tell her about periods.

Any advice?

Thanks !!

Hello there Enid!

I'm more interested in how your dd's haven't NOTICED that you have periods. How can you be DISCREET about it? I seem to have spectators hanging around the bathroom ALL THE TIME! Surely it's impossible to discreet manage one's Mooncup when people are WATCHING?! I'm quite jealous actually!

(that comment wasn't to Enid, it was to those of you whose dd's haven't noticed!)

we have a four woman household

its dh who needs to be protected from the dreadful truth

My ds's both know I have 'special things' for when I am bleeding - like morningpaper, I'm curious how you manage to hide it from them - haven't they ever tried to play with your tampons/whatever in the bathroom? They have also seen me changing them - I suppose I could hide it from them, but it seems too much like hard work!

no-one goes in the bathroom with me when I am on the toilet! Family rule

always has been. At one point it was the only 'me' time I ever had!

Trust me, I'm not in the slightest bit phased about periods or anything biological. I'm very open and honest about it, but at times that suit my child. I don't feel the need for total disclosure to suit me. I've aswered every question she has ever asked me with total honesty.

Enids is a great example, she said one thing and they wanted more info, which she gave them

I'm currently 'dealing with dd finding out about dhs prognosis. We run it on similar lines. She doesn't want to know that he is dying.....although she has a fairly shrewd idea. I can see the fear in her eyes. She doesn't want me to confirm her worst fears. When she wants to know I'll tell her. And this is on the advice of a child grief expert. (as well as my own gut feeling)

That's interesting MB (about the child grief expert's advice etc)

Can't believe you have Private Bathroom Moments, don't they stand outside the door bawling?

yes they did (a bit too old for that sort of thing now!) and i ignored them! Bad Mummy!

Greif expert also said when they do ask you have to be totaly honest, but only to give them the info they have asked for. Again I had worked this out for myself.

You see, I can't make the fears go away can I? Why burden them before they are psychologically prepared to accept what they already know I am going to say. In general they ask for confirmation in the experts experience.

Mine come in the toilet if I'm just having a wee but if it's period time then I lock the door and say I'll be out in a minute.

5 year old boys just don't need that kind of information imo.

On a slight tangent - how do you explain the condom machine in the toilets at or local supermarket??!!!!! so far my explanation has been a VERY lame - 'Oh just things for grown ups' or 'Medicine'

They know the basics about how babies are made, but not that it's something couples do even if they don;t want a baby.

any thoughts (dcs are 8 and 6)?

am glad to say haven't been asked what a prostitute is (though they know the word from the news).

I was honest, and said, to help people stop having babies if tey don't want them.

At first this was enough for dd, later she asked how they worked, and I told her.

What they want to know, they will ask. Tell them what they want to know and wait to see if they want to know more.

Just because, for instance, they ask about a condom, it doesn't mean they need to know everything about sex and reproduction. they might, but again, they might not.

Over the years dd has asked, and I have answered question. We have now just about covered it all, without resorting to the 'let me sit you down and have a chat' routine, which I remember as toe curlingly awful with my mother.

We run a very open house (except the loo door ). They kids know if they ask us antything, we answer them honestly.

My dd is 5.8, we've had chats about where babies come from, and she's also seen my towels (I use washables, so she can hardly have missed them!), so the question has already come up - I think she was about 3 the first time she asked about them. I think it's important that she knows; I was 9 when mine started and knew nothing. Even when they started my mother didn't tell me about them. Dd knows the basics already, and I've told her something along the lines of: As you grow up your body starts to change, on the inside and on the outside, and one of these changes is that your body starts to get ready for when you are really grown up and want to have babies. Ladies can have babies because they have eggs inside them, and every month one of these eggs starts to get ready to make a baby, just in case that's what the lady wants. If the lady doesn't make a baby then the egg is flushed away, and that's called a period. There will be a bit of blood, but you can wear special liners in your knickers to stop it getting on your clothes. You won't be ready to have a baby when you first have your periods, but your body needs to start practicing and getting ready for a time when you do. I've also made sure I've reassured her that the blood isn't coming because she's hurt herself, it's not that kind of blood really, it's just the egg being flushed away.

I think it's important not to get too bogged down with trying to tell them everything; they don't need to know. I tend to just answer the particular question that dd asks, and if she wants to know more then she asks more questions.

Regarding the condom machines, I just told dd that they are things that people can use to stop them having a baby if they don't want one. As mb says, this was enough to start with, but later she asked how they worked and I told her. She just nodded sagely and went back to her colouring book - I daresay there will be more questions as she gets older, and I'll just keep answering the ones she asks.

Now my children are a bit older, and I have started using a Mooncup and didn't fancy an audience I do now lock the loo door - this involved putting a bolt right up at the top as DD worked out how to open the lock from the outside !

I think the information re children are simply confirming what they suspect is really helpful MB - I will continue to try and answer their questions fully, but not give any info that they do not need.

D'you know, I'm sure I didn't ask about these things at the age of 4 and 5. I was blissfully oblivious.

you know , i'll be shot down for this probably, but why on earth would you draw their attention to it at 5, ok fair enough they walk in on you in the loo, but imo my dd will be time enough knowning round the age of 10. gosh it goes on for 30/40 years do you they need to be aware from the age of 5.
i'm all for telling the truth and being upfront, but sex and how babies are made is fine but menstrual cycle is another thing. the baby making story can be fun and sensible but you cant make a lovely story about periods.
keep child hood for as long as possible imo.

hehe Pablo

My SIL often tells a story about the first time she met me, when I was six, and I looked up from my book and said "Is menstruation the same as having a period?"

I blame Judy Blume

hermykne period aren't THAT bad! I mean they are ANNOYING and a bit messy but just a fact of life (no pun intended)

I told 4yo DD the truth but in very simple terms a bit like PandaG said at start of thread.

Only time it is ever a problem is if DD comes into a public toilet with me, as she tell her not to come in without knocking at home - just explained about sometimes we all want some private time, including her! Mond I have only just started having periods again and then they are so light they only last about 12 hours max, so not often an issue!

hermykne - some girls start their periods before the age of 10.

Some do, but not that many. And you often have some idea this this will happen, since menstruation doesn't tend to start until a girl reaches a weight of about 7 stone. You also have other hints, breast buds developing, pubic hair etc

I don't see any problem in telling a 5 year olf if they want to know. I just don't feel that a 5 year old has to know, if they are not interested.

hermykne, don't know how old your dd is, but 10 is too late to start telling them the facts of life. There were girls in my dd1's primary school who started their periods in Y4 and Y5. One child was 8. That is hard enough even if you know what's happening to you -- how much worse if you know nothing about periods and imagine you have some awful disease.

Besides, if you don't provide them with at least a vague outline of the facts of life by the time they go into the juniors, you can stake your mortgage that some other little so-and-so will fill them in, probably in much scarier and less accurate terms than you would.

Why do people feel that being equipped with basic knowledge about bodies and reproduction somehow robs children of their innocence? I really don't get this. I thnk the children who are going to be most drawn to smutty conversations in the further reaches of the playground or to swapping pages torn from someone's older brother's copy of Nuts are the ones who haven't had someone calmly and neutrally providing them with real information.

I think responding to their questions, over a number of years, if by far the least stressful way of dealing with the whole thing. And sends them the strong and positive message that sex isn't dirty or wrong, and that mum and dad are an open and reliable source of accurate information.

We got "Where do babies come from" for DS1 (aged 7) this year. He was fascinated and read the whole thing from cover to cover! (We thought we'd just sort of dip into it, now and again, when questions came up, but that wasn't DS1's approach!)

Does anyone else find that MN has a different group norm, from the one they experience in RL?
I and most people I know wouldn't tell 5yr olds about periods.
I'd leave it until at least 8/9/10 and hope and presume I'd get there before the periods started.
The arguments in favour of expaining it early make sense and I don't think it's wrong.
It's just That I find it interesting that the norm on here seems so different to the one I experience in RL.
Any one else experience that phenomenon?

I agree with that SMiley - there have been loads of threads where I just can't get my head round the pov and wonder where these people all are because all the people I know would see it totally differently!

I may just do a little survey in the playground later and see who has approached the discussion of period - these will be year one 5-6 year olds.

Will report back!

Just out of interest I mean.

I agree with mb.