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Original poster

How to tell a 5 yr old about periods?

100 replies

Bubblesmum · 02/01/2007 20:43

Hi,
My 5 year old daughter has become curious about the bins in the ladies for STs and Tampons and wants to know what's in them? and will try to look at every opportunity (yuck!).
I have always tried to be honest with her and give her age appropriate answers to questions like 'how does the baby get out of your belly' ? etc... but I'm finding it hard to come up with an age appriopriate way to tell her about periods.

Any advice?

Thanks !!

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scatterbrain · 04/01/2007 14:10

As I said earlier in this thread - some girls in my dd's class have said to their mums that they are frightened of growing up because they have heard that they will start to bleed every month - I think 5 and 6 year olds are too young to handle the facts - and they don't need to know. I never let my dd see anything at that time of the month because I know she would be frightened - she is quite squeamish about any blood !

If she asked specifically I would tell her - but she hasn't and I certainly won't be volunteering the information for a few years.

I agree that there is a different consensus on Mumsnet that in RL - only on Mumsnet etc....

jampots · 04/01/2007 14:15

I agree with smiley - I dont know anyone whose child has enquired about periods/sex at aged 5. They still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy at that age

"Dear Santa

Ive been a really good girl this year so I would like:

Bratz Crackz House

My Little Pony Style n Shite Stable

and some tampons

Love from

Hulababy · 04/01/2007 14:18

My 4yo DD has asked - but only because she came in the toilet with me, saw a pad briefly and asked what it was and was I bleeding. She still believes in FC and the Tooth Fairy as well

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morningpaper · 04/01/2007 14:20

I know that my friends' children (who are all 4) seem to know the basics about periods (boys and girls) - but several of my friends use Mooncups. And we don't shut the bathroom door (if only). It is quite hard to do that discreetly. And why bother, really? I'd rather they knew that periods were just a boring chore than were "frightened" about growing up because of them!

After my friend had given birth to her second baby, her three year-old ds asked her every morning whether she'd stopped bleeding yet because he wanted to go swimming.

WigWamBam · 04/01/2007 14:20

I haven't drawn anything to my daughter's attention - I have only ever asked the questions that she has asked.

She asked me when she was three where babies come from. My answer then was "from mummy's tummy". Further questions were asked, and I believe that if a child is old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to be given an honest answer, albeit modified for their age. What I've told her hasn't all been in one go, it has simply been in response to what she has asked, and has built up gradually.

She was younger than that when she asked about periods - she walked in on me in the toilet changing a sanitary towel. Of course she asked what it was, and what the blood was from, and has since asked many more questions about it.

I wish my mother had been more upfront; I would at least have known what was happening when mine started at age 9 (so 10 may well be too late, hermykne!).

frogs · 04/01/2007 14:21

dino, why can I imagine that about your ds?

Smileys, as mb says, I didn't go out of my way to tell the children about periods, or anything else for that matter. But questions will come up in the course of normal family life, particularly if like us you don't have a child-free ensuite bathroom: What are those little white things? What's that string hanging out of your bottom? How is the baby going to get out of your tummy? How did the baby get in there? Oh look, my willy's gone all big! Ds (age 7) knows about periods in very broad outline -- I doubt he could explain it in any way accurately, but he knows vaguely what tampons are for, and that it's really nothing worth sniggering about.

My dd1 is 11.5 and nowhere near starting her periods, but most of the girls in her class knew the facts of life by about Y4 or Y5. So when there was an awkward incident with the child who started at 8.5 (involving the poor girl leaving a used pad stuck to the cistern in the loo because nobody had ever thought about providing bins in there) they were all rather pleasingly mature and matter-of-fact about it.

I think the principal reason for giving them info is the snigger factor, rather than the fear of them starting their periods early. Don't underestimate the extent to which some children (one or two in a year group is enough) are exposed to sexualised material at home. There is an awful lot of smutty and inaccurate chat doing the rounds of the nation's school playgrounds, and the easiest way to make that seem less interesting is by ensuring they have some accurate information already. If you give them little bits of info as they seem ready for it you never need to have a cringey 'There's something I need to tell you' chat. It's not that big a deal, really.

morningpaper · 04/01/2007 14:21

The other day my four year old said "This is MY poo face. And this is YOUR poo face mummy ."

no secrets here

or dignity

WigWamBam · 04/01/2007 14:21

And she does still believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa ... telling her about periods hasn't taken away any of her innocence because it's been done on a child's terms, not an adults.

cece · 04/01/2007 14:23

My 5 year old has asked about it as she has seen me change my tampons. Last month she revealed she had asked her teacher if she bleeds too

Blandmum · 04/01/2007 14:24

totaly agree frogs. I loathed The Talk my mum gave me. It was utterly artificial and toe curingly horrible.

I'd much rather my children see me as someone who answers their questions in a very natural and matter of fact way. I do the same thing when answering any questions of a biologcal nature, from how poo is formed, to why your eyes are brown

morningpaper · 04/01/2007 14:26

yes I agree frogs

I will never forget the day my dad sat down on my bed to give me "The Talk" after he'd heard me singing "Like a Virgin"

I must have been about 15

Blandmum · 04/01/2007 14:29

It was the totaly lack of a supportive, open framework with my mum that made it so horrid. She was not an open woman, and had several hangups about sex, and suddently I was supposed to warm to her imposition of facts, that I had no interest (at that time) in knowing!

Had I asked her anything, she would have been embarassed and quite angry, I think.

cece · 04/01/2007 14:29

When I started my periods at 11 no one had told me about them so I hid my bloody knickers for several days till my mum found them and explained it to me. I was really frightened. I agree and just answer questiions matter of factly as they ocurr for DD and DS (who has also seen me change my tampons...)

Pablothelittleredfox · 04/01/2007 14:32

MP! I would have covered my ears, shut my eyes and gone 'lalalalalalalala, I can't heeeear you'

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 04/01/2007 14:34

My 4yo believes in FC - not the tooth fairy yet, too early for that

He has asked me some very frank questions about where babies come from/how they are made/marriage/male and female anatomy, and I have answered them. So he knows about the mechanics of sex and reproduction and has had the benefit of my views and dh's views on relationships, marriage and sexual ethics.

I don't think this has destroyed his innocence or any such rubbish. Being exposed to violence, cruelty or abandonment would destroy his innocence. Having his natural and delightful curiosity stifled by silly adult hang-ups and embarassment might go some way towards it. Being told the truth in a frank and friendly manner won't do him any harm, IMO.

WigWamBam · 04/01/2007 14:34

My mother's way of explaining about periods was to throw me a packet of towels, tell me to put one of those on, and then to barge in on me in the bath a couple of hours later and say, "You do know what it's all about, don't you?". When I said no, she just tutted and walked out of the bathroom. It was never discussed again.

Given the choice between handling it like my mother did, and making sure my dd is informed about her body, I know which I think is the better way to deal with it.

RocketScience · 04/01/2007 14:37

My DS is 6 and has asked what the tampons in the bathroom are for and today he asked why there was bloody loo paper in the toilet.
Dh and I have fudged both these questions. This morning it was attributed to a bloody nose DH had.
Apart from anything else it was 8.40am and we needed to get out the blinking house! Do everyone else's DC ask these questions at conveninet times to gain these considered replies?
Surley it's not just me who in RL, fudges issues and hasn't always got time to talk and explain?

frogs · 04/01/2007 14:50

Rocketscience, that's not a fudge, it's a lie.

A fudge would be to say, "I'm having my period, but I haven't got time to explain it now. Ask me when I'm not in the middle of doing something." If he was genuinely interested he'd ask you later, if not he'd just forget about it.

RocketScience · 04/01/2007 14:57

OK.

I lie frequently to my children.

Because I don't want them to know something, maybe I view it inappropriate, maybe I view it inconvenient, sometimes it's for my benefit and sometimes for theirs. Sometimes to hide nice things, sometimes horrible things. Some lies you come clean about later and truth is explained, some lies will be forgotten,some may unfortunately fester for years.

In my world this is pretty normal parenting.

scatterbrain · 04/01/2007 15:02

There's loads of stuff I haven't told my dd !

I haven't told her how shit she will feel when her first bf dumps her, how crap she'll feel when she fails her A'levels, how much she'll cry when our beloved cat dies ..... BECAUSE SHE'S ONLY SIX AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW - in any way whatsover - until it happens or is about to happen !!

She has nightmares about crocodiles fgs - she certainly isn't ready to hear about the bloodbath of periods !!

After those girls were murdered in Ipswich she wanted to know what murder meant, and why the man did it etc... That kept her awake more than a few nights and worried her a huge amount - I wished I had turned the news off when she was in the room !

If she asks I'll tell her - about any of the above - in detail - but until then - I'm keeping schtum !

My child my choice !

motherinferior · 04/01/2007 15:02

I did once fudge with DD1, when she was two and I'd just started my first period after her sister's birth, and there was blood on the sheet.

And I may have said 'I don't know' when asked about similar stains, and I haven't fully explained my Mooncup. Although I reckon they've worked out what it's for. They know about periods. DD1 does, anyway - she's coming up for six - and DD2 probably has some idea. Why on earth not?

motherinferior · 04/01/2007 15:03

And I have lied when I say 'it doesn't hurt'. Because I don't want her to dread something that's going to happen to her. But I do want her to know it's going to happen.

Dinosaur · 04/01/2007 15:04

Both DS1 and DS2 have seen me changing a towel or whatever and have asked about it. I have told them the truth because I want them to trust me, and DS1 in particular would I think be shell-shocked if he ever found out I'd lied to him (he is a very literal-minded chap, and the concept of convenient lies just wouldn't work with him).

RocketScience · 04/01/2007 15:10

No one's said NEVER tell them and let them find find out when it happens.

Just is it necessary it 5? No one's come up with a 5yr old who started their periods in ignorance yet (though they probably will now)

I know it would be a big deal to my DS. He' s sensitive and inquisitive, even the nose bleed thing concerns him. We have'does everyone get nose bleeds, is there alot of blood, do you have to go to hospital, does it run all our the floor questions, all the way to school.

Apart from anythong else, I wouldn't want him to be the one informing the rest of the class aged 6 about periods pround of his supeior knowledge. I wouldn't be popular.

RocketScience · 04/01/2007 15:12

I found out from friends at about 9. Got the whole story from mum at about 10. Started periods at 12.
There is a 'middle way' you know.

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